Third Time's A Charm
by FatedFeathers
Summary: SEQUEL to "The Road to Yesterday". Rated M for Language and Adult Themes.
1. Prologue

**A note from the author****: This is an early story of mine, and no proofreaders were traumatized with this mess before its release upon the world of Twific. As such, any horrors within are entirely my own clumsy travels through the English Language.**

**Disclaimer:**** All recognizable characters and settings throughout this story are the property of their respective owners. I just borrow things and play with them.**

* * *

**-* Prologue *-**

_**Jonathan...**_

My best friend since elementary, Brett, had been suspicious when I first told him I was going back to my roots to spend the remainder of the summer. During the years I'd told him what he needed to know about my fucked up past, but even though most might think that there was a pea-sized brain behind all those steroid muscles he was pretty sharp, so I wasn't surprised when he told me he'd known all along. I should have known, too, that one day I'd be returning to this shitty place at the world's end.

It had been a few months, and winter was here, the worst time of the year for me, especially in Port Angeles. Why did people even come here to live? I was surprised there was still a fair amount of hustle and bustle, even if the weather was a royal pain in the ass. As long as I was still in this area I'd have to put surfing out of my mind for a bit, same went for mine and Brett's business plans to open up a shop in Florida. Even our website was dulled down, to the major disappointment of our fans. Shit, I hadn't felt that rush of adrenaline for a long time. When was the last time I whipped out my cam and filmed some crazy shit? I couldn't even remember. Only a few months, but still. Where was I going to find danger-induced action in these parts? Maybe I could grab my snowboard and head up into the mountains, but fuck I hated the cold.

Project "know thy enemy" was coming along just fine, and by enemy I mean my dear brother, Jacob Black. He earned the generous endearment when I realized that he really doesn't want much to do with me. Not my problem if our dad couldn't keep his trooper in his pants. The only times when Jakie could stand my company was when I let him hound me about my mother, which I wasn't too stoked talking about, but I let him. It meant I got to see Bella, and damn, what a fine little thing she was. I was a bit bummed when I figured out how serious her and Jakie are; bummed, but not discouraged. No harm in looking, right? And talking–I absolutely loved talking to her, especially now. So feisty! But beneath the tigress was something that fascinated me, and it put her outside the crowd of girls that I usually went for. I'm yet to put my finger on it, and it's not for lack of trying. If only she'd let her guard down a bit and relax, because damn, that woman is uptight. My dear brother insists it's just me and that Bella is the most amazing woman in the world, yeah—take it from someone who worships the ground she walks on. He's biased, of course he is.

Time was ticking away in the shop where I'd easily gotten a job for all my superb and divine knowledge of electronic equipment, Radio Shack. The boss was a lazy middle aged prick who let his employees do whatever the hell they pleased. One employee in particular could easily score first place in Laziest-Employee-Of-All-Time. Her name is Cara, and she gives the most amazing—I looked up from my current project; a DVD-player handed in by a clueless daddy's girl who had somehow managed to get a disc jammed by placing it upside down. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"What do you want, Cara?" Her eyes darted around the backroom where I sat in peace, tinkering away, then her hand reached between my legs. I grabbed her hand.

"He doesn't wanna come out to play?" Her disappointment was obvious, and she pouted her glossy lips.

I wagged a finger at her. "I'm finished for the day, and I'm going to see my daddy-o, so, not right now sweetie." I got up and starting leaving.

"What about later, you can come over to my place—I've got a teeny-weeny surprise for you, Jon," she taunted in a sickeningly sweet voice, batting her clumpy lashes at me. Just, yuck.

"I don't do teeny-weeny, sorry darlin'." Damn she was a pain in the ass, I preferred it when she was quiet and used her body; or lips. Whichever, really.

"You're such an a-hole, Jon," she whined.

I laughed. "Asshole, Cara," I corrected her, "You'd do good at practicing foul language; prancing around here in your slutty clothes and grabbing my crotch isn't forgiven by Jesus by refusing to say 'ass'." She gasped, her eyes widening in horror at my blasphemy. "Nor does he forgive you sucking me off, no amount of confessions will see you in heaven. God helps those who help themselves, remember that." I pecked her cheek, then gave her firm little ass a squeeze and walked out, leaving her gaping after me. "You're welcome," I threw over my shoulder.

My mood was crap all the way to La Push, but the moment I spotted the Mercedes Guardian in Billy's driveway as I drove up I cracked a smile, jumping out of my blue Dodge Ram. She was a mystery, and I had yet to figure out how the hell she'd gotten her hands on that sweet car of hers. What I had found out about her so far didn't fit at all with the fine piece of machinery sitting amidst the dirt, shining like a pearl. Then I was surprised as the door opened and my long-lost brother jumped out, shooting me a scowl full of disapproval.

"Well, hello brother," I greeted him cheerfully. He hated it, and I loved getting on his nerves, it was one of my great pastimes. He just rolled his eyes, stalking up the ramp. "Yeah, I've been good, crazy shit happening at work, girls and booze—" I was cut off by getting the door slammed in my face. I shrugged and opened it, hearing my dad scolding Jacob. It made me smirk.

"Honey, I'm home!"

"Hello Jon, how was your week?" Billy looked up at me from his party-chair—for being stuck in a wheelchair he was surprisingly happy, so I took the liberty of switching the depressing word for one more suitable—his smile was easy, and it always made him look years younger than he was. In spite of my best efforts the old champ had gotten to me and I'd taken a liking to him, even if he'd fucked my mother, in more ways than one. Guess he passed it down to me, because Jacob would rather lose his nuts than to cheat on his girl. Ouch.

"Great. My skills have brought more business around, so I'm very busy, which I like."

"Hey, Jon," came Bella's soft yet somewhat resentful voice. I turned my head to see her appear from down the hallway, her hair damp and her tee showing signs of water-stains. Nice, just out of the shower.

"Hey, glad to see you've changed your mind. Showered and ready to go out for a beer?"

She rolled her eyes. "No. Not now, not ever."

I smiled. "Aw, you're missing out. Your loss." I turned to Jacob. "Jakie! Come with me tonight, we haven't spent any time together for—oh, two weeks. If I didn't know better I'd say you were avoiding me."

His expression had darkened and he did his growling thing, making me sigh.

"Maybe your assumptions are correct, and you should back the hell off for once," he threatened. I feigned horror, putting my hands up.

"Well, aren't we all just chirpy today? Did you just win the lottery or why do I feel this excitement hanging in the air?" I sauntered over to the fridge—it was neutral territory—and grabbed a beer, popping it open and taking a deep swig. "Ah, tastes good. Sure you don't want?" I looked at Jacob and Bella, both looking equally 'thrilled', shaking their heads simultaneously.

Fridays were usually good, which is why I had picked those days to show up here. But today their mood swings had started even before I got into the house, which wasn't what I'd gotten used to. I'd give them this; at least they had made an effort to be polite. Jacob and Bella, that is. Billy was happy as a pig in mud that I wanted to come around, even if I'd catch him looking at me sometimes, a strange expression on his face.

Strange was only the beginning to explain all three of them. Sometimes it felt like they had secret lives and sometimes they could be talking about things, but by the time I'd come to the room they'd look all innocent like. Well, Bella would. Jacob had a good poker face, and while he could hide things from me, she couldn't.

"Would it be possible for you to be serious, for once?" Jacob asked me now and I gave him a sober smile.

"Of course, isn't that hard when you're all acting like someone just died."

Bella sighed and I winked at her.

"No way, Jake, I'm not doing it," she exclaimed and walked past me to start pulling things out of the fridge. Her statement puzzled me and I gave Jakie a questioning look.

"Okay, look," he began, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "I've got something I need to take care of, and if you can behave I would appreciate it if you could take Bella back to Port Angeles."

Oh, I smell drama. It happened a lot around here, not that they ever let me in on what it was exactly.

"What happened to the Guardian?" I asked, wondering if she had gone all typical female on us and finally broken the thing. Not that it should be possible, it was built like a brick shit-house.

"Nothing," she said icily.

"My car carked it," Jacob explained. Ah, I see, they needed taxi service. I guess I could do that; I'd be her personal driver any day. "Yeah right, you're a miracle worker when it comes to mechanical stuff, you just want an excuse to get her car all to yourself. Bet you're dying to get your hands on it for a tune-up," I teased, wagging my eyebrows at him meaningfully.

I felt a punch to my shoulder. "Ow, damn mosquitoes should be dead this time of the year."

Bella groaned. "Ha ha, you're so funny."

"I know, and you love it." I turned and glanced at her where she was chopping up vegetables. "What's cooking?"

She turned to me, wielding her knife. "Lil' Johnny, if you don't get your head out of the gutter," she quipped, eying me pointedly.

I flinched, but recovered quickly, releasing a bright smile on her. "I love it when you're feisty," I looked over my shoulder at Jacob who sent me a scalding death-stare. "Don't you love it, brother?"

He flashed me a cold grin. "Oh, you have no idea how much I love _that_ idea."

Billy and Bella laughed in unison, but Jacob remained unperturbed.

I pouted. "At least Cara loves me," I complained, shuddering inwardly at my poor joke. I bet she would love it if I gave her even half a chance, but relationships weren't my thing at all. Been there, done that, and I wasn't going to try it again. Least of all with a promiscuous tart like Cara.

"Well?" Jacob pressed.

I sighed and rolled my eyes dramatically. "Fine, fine—since you're asking so nicely." He didn't need to know that he wouldn't have had to ask me twice, but if I seemed to excited about it his girlfriend would chop my willy to pieces, after Jacob had dismembered all other parts of me. I didn't doubt for one second that he could. Sometimes he appeared almost feral, like an animal. Which made me think if it was some part of being a Quileute, because his buddies were the same, and huge like Jacob too. Damn, he was a few years younger than me, but still he towered over me like the incredible hulk, minus the disgusting green color.

So much to ponder, so little time, well, not anymore. One of the many reasons why I had decided to move to Port Angeles—there was just no way in hell I would live in the little village. Port Angeles was small enough, but it sufficed. Good thing about my understanding best buddy, who understood that I wanted to spend extra time here. We'd put our plans on ice for now, besides, we needed to let some more money accumulate before we could open up our own shop.

For now I'd have to settle for a small nightclub, eager small-town girls and the tease that was my brother's girlfriend. Admittedly I had been drawn to her when I first met her, and it didn't exactly dull down. Lucky for the both of them that I respected Jacob, no matter how much he despised me. Bella was his girl, so it was my job to treat her as such, as difficult as it was. I prided myself with total control, most of the time.

I could behave, and I would. Enjoying Bella's company wasn't a crime as long as I kept my hands to myself, and ultimately, she wouldn't want me to try anything—she had eyes only for my oversized brother. Maybe it was a good thing, I wasn't known for hanging on to girls, and Bella was the kind of girl that deserved that; that much I could see. As much as I liked to play the field I wasn't a complete douche, and something in me didn't want to hurt her. Weird.


	2. Love Is My Drug

_When you're feeling fired up_ _  
I'm on fire with you_  
_If you had to lie a little,_ _I'd let it be true_ _  
When you get low I'll get lower than you_  
_When you've had enough I've had it_ _  
Much more than you knew_

_By_ _  
John ME_

**~* Love Is My Drug *~**

_**Bella...**_

Jonathan. Could there be someone more irritating and so thoroughly self-absorbed than him? I doubted it. At least I had never encountered anyone quite like him. On the other hand, maybe there was a female counterpart; Rosalie. Although, at least she _could_ be worthy of respect, and she didn't entice me constantly to bite back on everything she said. I couldn't believe that Jacob wanted me to ride in the same car as Jon, couldn't he see how uncomfortable he made me? Ugh.

"You could at least fake a smile," came Jon's smooth and annoyingly sarcastic voice. He hadn't been fully so antagonizing when I'd first met him. He had been overly confident, sure, but still charming. Now he was just getting on my nerves.

"Behind all things fake is at least some degree of truth, so, in light of that; no can do." I groaned at his arrogant smirk and turned my head, looking out the window. If I didn't know better, I'd say my icy replies encouraged him, as if he actually _liked_ it that I obviously didn't like him. Oh wait, he _did_ like it.

"Loosen up, doll. This trip could be so much more pleasant if you weren't such a grump," he chasticed. I turned my head and raised an eyebrow.

"I bet I know exactly how you wish I would _loosen up_."

He flashed me a devilish grin. "I hate to disappoint you, but I prefer my women soft and pliable. The term 'ice-queen' comes to mind when I think about you, sweetie." A cold flash flickered in his eyes, but disappeared quickly, making me wonder if I'd imagined it.

I was sure he _wished_ that it disappointed me. It wasn't a secret that he was a predator of women, and somehow I doubted that he would be so noble and respect Jacob. The realization of who I was actually sitting next to reminded me to scoot closer to the door, until I felt the edge of the seat. A low chuckle slipped through his lips.

"Whatever, buddy," I retorted, "I still don't trust you."

"I don't see why, have I even tried to touch you?" The tone of his voice had changed slightly, making my eyes avert from his, and I focused on the road. I suppose he hadn't, but that didn't mean that I couldn't feel the signals he was sending me. "I'd say it's just you," he went on, "You secretly _wish_ I would." The way his voice dropped suggestively made my skin crawl and my stomach tighten at the same time. "It's _you_ who you don't trust," he finished, the arrogance having returned.

I gave a laugh. "I have _no_ interest in you, Jon. Not even if you were the last man on earth."

He sucked in a sharp breath, his hand over his heart. "I'm heartbroken," he complained. I rolled my eyes.

"You would need a heart for that," I told him icily.

His jaw clenched, and he smirked coldly. "At least mine wouldn't have been frozen, if I _did_have one. Not sure which is worse." In spite of myself I flinched. I glared at him for a moment, but went back to fixing my eyes on the landscape that flashed by outside the window. The rest of the trip was made in silence. Thank God for that.

When he started taking the wrong turns I realized that he was going to swing by his place, and instantly I was protesting.

"It's just a quickie," he promised, and I couldn't help catching the double-meaning as he wagged his eyebrows at me.

"You're disgusting," I hissed.

He beamed at me. "Why, thank you."

"Ugh." I groaned.

I didn't understand where he got all his money from. The car, his flashy apartment, the designer clothes—yes, thanks to spending many years in the company of Alice I could actually tell the difference these days. Yet, he worked at Radio Shack, which I was sure didn't pay all _that_ well. Judging by his character it wouldn't surprise me if he was a criminal. A grim smile spread across my lips as I considered trying to poke around, then I could tell Charlie about it. I bet my dad could give me some pointers on detective work.

"Why don't you let me come inside?" I asked suddenly, before I'd thought it through. "You've seen my apartment, I think it's my turn to see yours."

His eyes squinted. "Somehow I don't think it's a case of 'show me yours, I'll show you mine'."

I grimaced. "Can't a girl be curious about her extended family?"

His dark eyebrows pulled together. "If you tell me the real reason..." His husky voice dropped low. "And don't lie, 'cause I'm not in the mood for your poor attempts at it."

A chill ran down my spine as his dark, golden brown eyes pierced into me. His demeanor had completely done a 180, and while the way he looked at me sent a thrill of fear through me it also piqued my curiosity, making me wonder why he was being so protective about his home. Could there actually be some truth to my wild imagination?

I bit my lip. "For a guy who works at the Radio Shack you live extravagantly, I just wanted to search through your apartment for evidence of foul play."

His eyebrows shot up and his expression slacked. Then he busted out laughing.

"Shit. You almost had me there for a moment."

Great. It didn't matter if I lied or told the truth, no one believed me anyway. Was I that weak of a character? I huffed indignantly.

"Fine, I'll just sit here and wait while you go and indulge in your quickie," I muttered.

Still chortling he told me sincerely, crossing both hands over his chest, "Don't be like that, I promise there's only a spot reserved for you in the hollow cave of my chest, darlin'."

"Whatever."

"Oh, come on," he said a little softer, "You wanted to see my home. I promise I will be good." I glanced at him, feeling suspicious. He looked honest enough, so I sighed and pushed the door open and hopped out on the sidewalk. My eyes wandered up the building, taking in the fancy exterior.

Of course he had the penthouse. Jake had told me about his place—he had been here a couple of times already—but none of his few-word sentences did it any justice. It had high ceilings, warm colors on the walls painted in suede patterns, vintage-style furniture, but what got me the most was one of the bigger rooms in the apartment which was his office. It was a cluttered mess, but somehow I could see that there was an order to it. Monitors were placed on a desk that ran along the length of one wall, computers hummed and on the walls hung pictures; both framed and not.

"Wow," I breathed out in a whisper, and walked up to a framed photo where I recognized the friend I had seen at that party, the one with the strange girlfriend. The two of them were standing on a beach somewhere, posing proudly with their boards. "You surf?" I was awed.

"Yeah, usually," he admitted, a bit awkwardly I thought. "Not here though, and not now."

I glanced at him, and thought he looked a bit awkward. "Oh," I said.

He shot me a defensive glance back. "What?"

"I get the feeling you don't have many visitors." The way he acted now really made it seem like he didn't know what to do with a stranger in his domain.

"Actually, no. Only people I trust." He turned and walked out of the room, leaving me with a small twinge of guilt which I pushed away quickly. This was a typical guy-reaction. No matter how old they got, they never were comfortable with women in their personal space. In light of that, not wanting to push it too far, I took a last quick glance around the room and left to find where Jon had disappeared to.

I found him with his back turned to me, standing at what appeared to be a liquor-cabinet, pouring himself a drink.

"What are you doing?" I stared at him in disbelief. He was supposed to take me home, not get drunk. Turning to me as I came up next to me he held out the glass.

"Want some?" He smirked as I wrinkled my nose at the strong, prickling scent of it.

"No, and neither do you—hey!" In one swig he consumed the amber liquid. "Jonathan!" I complained, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "You're hopeless!"

He grinned crookedly, then dug into his pocket, tossing me his keys. "Help yourself, I'd like to be alone now." My jaw went slack and I gaped at him.

"You expect me to drive that monster of a truck?"

"Take care of my baby, and feel privileged; no one drives her 'sides me." He proceeded to pour more of the strong liquid into his glass then walked off to what I guessed was his room, closing the door behind him. I stood there for a while, the keys burning in my hand, bewildered.

"Oh for God's sake!" With a huff I turned and walked out of his apartment. Just when I thought there might be something decent about him he proved me wrong, and I hoped I would crash the damn thing, teaching him a lesson.

If my own truck had been a beast, then this one was like a monster on steroids. Yet it purred in a low but powerful way as I turned the key in the ignition. Please don't let me crash, I prayed silently in my head as I left the curb.

To my amazement I got home without bringing any harm to myself or innocent pedestrians, but the moment I walked in the door I fished out my phone and called Jacob.

"Hey, beautiful," came his husky voice. I sighed and felt all the tension roll off me.

"Hi."

"How'd the drive go, did he behave?" He couldn't keep the worry out of his voice, which made me feel better. Not that he was worried about me, but that he'd been thinking about me.

"Oh, you know Jon, between lewd comments and taking me back to his place, it was bearable."

I heard a low growl, then he cursed, making me frown.

"Seriously, Bella, what am I gonna do with him? He pisses me off something fierce-"

"Shh, you're not alone. But, if you want payback," I dangled the keys close to the earpiece. "Guess what I have," I said silkily. When he didn't answer I continued to tell him that Jon had given up the keys to his car, after he had downed a glass of whisky.

"I hope you put a scratch on it."

"I wanted to, but it ran too smoothly, surprising me. No one died," I quipped proudly.

He chuckled, in spite of his best efforts not to. "I miss you." A tingle shot into my stomach and warmth radiated through me.

"Miss you too, when will you be home?"

"As soon as I can, me and the guys are working our asses off to get as much done here before the snow comes."

Soon after that meeting with Mr Morgan and his nephew Jake had started working on the lot. Word had spread and before he knew it the whole pack had come to offer a hand, and things had gone pretty smoothly from there. I was so happy for Jake that he had the guys to help him and that their friendship was strengthening again. Even Sam had thawed out, even toward me. Seth was cheerful as ever and spent the most time with Jake, helping him to build the foundation for the house. I'd begged and begged to be shown the plans, but it was supposed to be a surprise so I would just have to wait until the blasted thing was ready.

Emily had given birth to a baby boy, and he was so adorable, looking so much like Sam. To my great shock they'd named him Samuel Jacob, which had blown Jake out of the water. He'd been honored, but not only that, he seemed to be drawn to the little guy, making me think about mine and Jake's future. Would he want to have kids with me? Since Sam's son had been born I'd considered the possibility, and it had brought back a certain image from years ago; two little black-haired children running off into the forest. I'd found myself realizing that I would want that vision to become reality, but not for some time yet. Jake needed to finish College, the house needed to be built—I wanted to be Mrs Black, first.

"Honey!" Jake's flustered voice brought me out of my reverie.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Leah asked us over for dinner on Sunday..."

"Oh. How is she?" Ever since the imprinting she had gone all out, focusing on retreating from her pack-life. She wanted to have kids, and so did Eli, but for that to even be possible she needed to stop phasing first. It had been a struggle for her, what with her massive mood swings and the fear that it might not even work to start with. Jacob had filled me in on the theory, and I really hoped she would be able to get her "womanly functions" back. Everyone held their fingers crossed for her, because if anyone deserved her happy ending, it was Leah.

At first Sam had been a bit of an ass about it, but we all knew that regardless of his imprinting he still held a fondness for Leah, after all, she had been _his_ choice, but what did I really know about this whole imprinting-thing? Jacob had tried to explain it to me, and even though the notion was romantic in a way I couldn't say I liked the sound of being put on a one-track path to a complete stranger. Maybe there was more to it that just couldn't be explained with words. It just sounded a bit twisted, although Sam and Emily looked to be as much in love as ever.

Jake gave out a frustrated sigh, and I realized that I had zoned out again.

"Oops," I apologized.

"What are you doing?" He asked suspiciously.

"I was just thinking about imprinting," I told him honestly.

"Bells-" He groaned.

"Now, just wait a minute. I'm not worrying about _us_, I was just thinking about how it works, and hoping that Leah will be able to have kids. She deserves to be happy." I meant every word.

"She really does, I of all people know that, having been in her brain for many years now."

A wave of jealousy made me flush. I didn't want to think about the close relationship Leah and Jacob had had.

"I'd love to see them, tell them we accept their invitation," I said quickly, wanting to steer away from a possible confrontation. "How's it going with Embry and Emma, by the way?"

Jake laughed, obviously my diversion having worked, and I was glad he wouldn't press me about my obvious discomfort talking about him and Leah.

"They hang out, but I can't see anything serious happening there, while Embry seems to like her she doesn't hold him in as high regard. Actually, they kind of remind me a bit of you and me, back in the days of the dead."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you have to refer to them like that?"

"Do you take offense if I call you human?" He asked pointedly.

"Very mature, Jacob."

"It's what they are, but I can appreciate that you think differently, having spent so much time around them and all." He sounded thoroughly disgusted and I decided it was time to drop yet another subject. But then he cornered me. "Have you heard from them?" It was a guarded question.

"Jake," I pleaded. He didn't really want to know, so I didn't understand why he kept asking. Every time I told him that I'd talked to one of them he would get all antsy, pacing back and forth while lecturing me on who and what they are.

"You haven't been talking to _him_ I hope..." he tried to keep a level tone, but his irritation shone through.

"He only writes me, as I have told you many times. We both thought it would be better that way, seeing as—just, never mind. You don't want to know, so don't ask questions when we both know what you'll do with the answers," I snapped defensively.

Suddenly he started laughing, my mouth hanging open in response.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I think that I'd like Edward to pay us a visit, I'm dying to know what goes around in my brother's mind."

_Oh!_ What a brilliant idea—not.

"I think he's pretty obvious; just a man with a grudge, wanting to wreak havoc on other people to forget about his own misery." My analyze of Jon was what I'd come to see in the few months since he'd announced his move here.

"That's the easy part," Jacob agreed. "But that doesn't tell me what he's thinking about_you_."

I snorted. "Maybe I don't _want_ to know. Come to think of it, I don't want _you_ to know either, 'cause you might rip his head off, and ultimately I think you don't want to do that. You're brothers, like it or not, and I believe you have a bond that you both just can't really appreciate yet."

Now it was Jake's turn to snort, and he did so in disgust. "Bond my ass, may hell freeze over before I feel any loyalty toward him."

Sighing and rolling my eyes I told Jake to calm down, and to go back to working, to take out his frustrations on the house instead.

"Just don't break it," I teased.

"All I wanna break is his neck," Jacob muttered.

"Love you, even if you're a feral wolf."

"Damn right I am." His voice dropped to a husky whisper. "I'm especially having these primal urges right now, honey," he explained as a mater of fact, making my body react to the suggestiveness behind his words. "Where I want to rip your clothes off so I can devour that delicious skin of yours." My breath caught, my head spinning enough for me to back up to the counter to brace myself against it.

"Jake," I whispered shakily, visions of him stalking toward me with those flames of raw desire in his deep eyes assaulting my senses.

"Yeah, honey?" he breathed roughly into the earpiece, and I imagined his hot breath fanning across my flushed skin.

"Come home soon," I begged.

Even long after we'd hung up did I still feel the lingering effects of Jake's words, his voice, his intentions. One might think that the fire of passion would begin to dull down, or perhaps I had feared that it would, but Jacob's body never seized to mesmerize me, nor did his hunger for me seem to be sated. Whenever I stopped to think about him, and about us, I couldn't help but to feel a little awed that he'd held out so long for me. Not a day went by when I didn't feel an immense level of respect and fascination for all that Jake had done, and still did. The house was a great shock, but a pleasant one. It made me giddy to think that he'd planned all these things, and that I was the one he wanted to share it all with.

It was long after dark when Jacob finally walked in the door, and I had just finished making a salad to go with our meal.

"Smells good, honey." His arms wound around me and I leaned into him, taking a deep breath to inhale his warm scent.

"_You_ smell good," I replied quietly, pressing my face against his chest.

A low chuckle rumbled in his throat. "I'm dirty."

I shrugged, then I heard his stomach growling, making me roll my eyes.

"I guess that's our cue."

While we sat there eating, Jake's phone started ringing, and when he looked at the number his jaw clenched. He brought the phone to his ear, muttering a "Hello."

I watched him while chewing my food thoughtfully, wondering what was up.

"I've got work," he snapped and I raised an eyebrow, giving him a questioning glance. His only response was to wave his hand at me. I nearly jumped at his quiet snarling. "Not a chance in hell." His eyes shot up to fixate on mine. "You'd have to ask for yourself, I'm not your messenger boy, but don't expect a different answer from her."

"What?" I put my knife and fork down. Jake extended his arm, handing me the phone. I put it to my ear. "Yes?" Jonathan's smooth voice assaulted the peace and calm I'd enjoyed, shattering all my hopes of being able to go through the night without his antics.

"Jakie is being a party-pooper, so I thought I'd extend the invitation to you. Now don't get all worked up, we'll be going to the same club where my dear brother works, so he can keep an eye on you." I didn't like how he insinuated that it was _me_ who needed to be observed. As if I would ever want any part of him close to me.

I smiled sweetly. "I think Jake gave you your answer, why don't you call one of your concubines, I'm sure they'd be more pliable than me," I shot back, using his own words against him, which made Jake's eyes darken. Damn, hadn't realized how it might sound to him, who didn't really know the details of how Jon spoke to me. I had figured it'd be best he didn't, because he had a bad temper, and was by far much stronger than Jon.

"I'm not gonna try anything, dammit Bella. We'll be buddies, or not, whatever you wish. Just lighten up, I promise I won't even say anything-" he paused, then continued politely, "Compromising. Cross my heart—oops, don't have one of those, well, you get the idea." I couldn't help to smile a little, but it got wiped off quickly when I looked at Jacob's dark eyes.

"Fine. But I warn you, one inappropriate word and I'll let Jake take you out the back and beat the crap out of you. God knows he's itching for it right now." My words elicited a smug smirk from Jacob.

"And I'll let him if such becomes the case," Jon vowed. Yeah, buddy, you won't have much of a choice, I thought gleefully.

"I'll pick you up."

The moment I hung up Jacob was at my side, pulling me up to trap my face between his burning palms, his lips descending on mine roughly, demanding. All else was forgotten and my fingers tangled in his hair by their own will. Between work, college and housebuilding we didn't have as much time together anymore, which only increased the passion in the moments we were able to give in to it.

Jake's mouth left mine to lay siege to my neck, nibbling and licking down to my collarbone and back up to my ear, latching onto it and sucking it in between his teeth. I shuddered and whimpered, needing him closer. As always he knew exactly what I wanted and he scooped me up, but instead of taking me to the bedroom he plopped me down on the kitchen counter, and I gasped as he ripped the shirt off me, sending the buttons clattering over the counter and tiled floor.

"I liked that shirt," I complained breathlessly.

"I didn't." His rough hands skimmed my waist, my stomach, my breasts and I arched into him when one hand crept behind my back to unlatch my bra in one fluent movement. He was getting good at that. "I don't like anything that keeps you hidden from me," he whispered hoarsely and lowered his head to my chest, his hot breath finally washing over my skin. I ached for his touch and soon received what I needed as his mouth closed over the swell of my breast, his tongue circling my nipple before he drew it into his mouth. His hand cupped my other, teasing the nipple between his calloused fingers. Electrical jolts shot in all directions, finally bunching up in the pit of my stomach, making me ache for him.

"Need you," I rasped.

He kissed his way up to my parted lips. "I know." His dark eyes held mine as he leaned his forehead against mine. "I can smell how much you want me, and it's driving me insane." I gasped. The way he spoke to me, and how intensely my whole body affected him always sent a thrill through me.

My hands found their way to my jeans, unbuttoning them. I followed his gaze with my eyes, watching his expression change as I worked my pants off me. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his jaw clenching.

When his fiery eyes met mine again I felt a surge of bold courage, and I reached out to caress his face.

"Do I taste as good as I smell?" I asked huskily. His eyes widened, obviously not used to me being verbal about these things, but the way he made me feel gave me a sense of confidence I had never felt before. I felt a blush creep into my cheeks as his eyes dropped down to my my spread legs. He groaned and ran his hands down my hips to my thighs, then he dropped down to press his lips against the inside of my leg, moving closer to where I wanted him most. My breath caught as his came out hotly against my panties, the heat spreading through my core. I shuddered and my head fell back when his nose grazed across my sensitive flesh only covered by the thin silk of my underwear.

"God, honey, you're addictive." He reached up and dragged my panties down, tossing them to the side before returning to me, now exposed. Then he reached beneath me, cupping my butt in his hands, dragging me forward to his mouth. It closed over my sensitive flesh, setting off sparks behind my closed eyelids. I moaned as his fiery tongue lapped out at me.

The sensation of him as he devoured me was possibly the best feeling I could ever have imagined. No, it was beyond anything I could have imagined. And just as I thought my body would not handle anymore he plunged his tongue into me, making me cry out.

"Holy shit," I gasped and nearly lost my holding, collapsing and hitting my head against the cupboards behind me. My eyes rolled back in my head as he continued his exploration, the pressure within me building to an almost painful ache. "Not yet," I rasped out, "I want you inside me, Jake."

He didn't hesitate to clutch me to him and carry me into the bedroom where he made fast work of removing his clothes.

"I've been fantasizing about you all day, honey, you've got no idea how badly I want you right now."

Oh but I could guess from the way his hungry eyes raked over my naked body, making it tingle with anticipation. He crawled between my legs, hovering above me with a heartbreaking smile before lowering himself, his mouth capturing mine and our bodies connecting. Unable to wait any longer I arched into him, rubbing myself against his need and aching for the friction of our bodies moving together as one.

"Please," I begged. "I can't stand it. I need you." And with our eyes locked he found me, pushing himself inside me in a painfully slow motion, filling me until I felt complete.

"You're very needy lately, sweetheart," he whispered against my lips and pulled out slowly only to rock against me again, burying himself deeply within me. I moaned.

"I know exactly what I'm missing when you're not here," I said thickly, the desire I felt for him coursing through my veins, making me dizzy. He continued moving over me, inside me, coaxing me to match his moves, and I wrapped my legs around him, digging my heels into his butt to bring him closer. I couldn't be close enough—_he_ couldn't be close enough, deep enough. His head dropped to my neck, and he moaned, his pace rhythmic and consuming. My hands raked at his back, clutching myself to him, feeling the ripple of his muscles beneath my greedy fingers. Jacob was the most beautiful man alive, he was mine, and he claimed every part of me, his hands moving over me possessively, lovingly.

With me curled around him he sat up, gripping my butt and squeezing me to him, making my breaths come out in shallows gasps. My arms came around his neck, my hands digging into his hair. Our bodies rubbed together and the fire within me was growing, tensing. As usual he sensed my approaching release, making him more excited.

"Damn I love the way you feel, I want you always, honey," he said roughly, groaning as I moved faster against him, grinding myself down on him, dying for the release only his body could give me.

"Come with me," I gasped, balancing on the edge.

"Fuck, Bells," he hissed. "What's got you like this—God." His fingers dug into my hips, the pain mingling with my bordering release and when he plunged himself inside me again it sent me tumbling over the edge. I cried out, my body tensing up as I rode it out. His lips crushed against mine and I felt him stiffen, releasing his heat within me, filling me.

I drifted in the haze of our spent passion, having collapsed against him with his arms wrapped around me.

"I love you," I whispered, placing lazy kisses on his damp skin. "So much."

"Damn, honey, I love you so much it hurts. Don't you ever fucking dare leave me."

"Jake," I warned and he let out a chuckle.

"Well, shit, do you expect my brain to work right now?" He asked defensively.

I smiled. "Maybe not." I wriggled against him, eliciting a hiss from him.

"Bells," he said in a low growling voice and slapped my ass. I gasped and pulled back in a knee-jerk reaction.

"What the-" I gaped at him. He had a huge grin on his face.

"You asked for it." His voice was an unapologetic as his eyes. If anything he looked cheeky.

"I can't believe you just—spanked me."

"Naughty girls deserve spanking," he stated simply and winked. "I've got work soon, and if you wriggle that sexy ass one more time I'll have to put you over my knee and punish you."

I stared at him in shock. "You wouldn't," I said doubtfully.

His eyes challenged me. "Try me," he taunted and I huffed, sliding off his lap.

"I'm going to pee," I revealed to lend some assistance if he didn't want to be distracted from work.

"Jeez, thanks for the heads up, honey."

"Thought you might want to know," I quipped and sauntered toward the bathroom. I heard him mutter something behind me but couldn't make out the words. If he was going to threaten me with spanking I could give him a bit of shock-factor back.

Remembering what I'd agreed to for this evening I groaned and stepped into the shower after taking care of my business. Just as I finished Jake came into the bathroom, stark naked, his hands reaching for me and pulling me against him, kissing the nape of my neck.

"You smell good," he murmured then released me, disappearing into the shower.

"I can't believe I let myself be talked into this," I complained as I pulled the brush through my hair. After making love to Jacob the last thing I wanted was to ruin my good mood by having to spend the evening with his self-absorbed brother.

"Call him and cancel," he suggested, but I shrugged.

"That would be rude, besides, I'm a bad liar and I can't make up some excuse. I can't very well tell him 'Oh hey, Jon, the last thing I want is to spend time with you because you're an ass,' can I?"

Jacob chuckled. "Why not? He _is_ an ass."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not the point," I clarified. "Ass or not, I'm not rude."

"I'll be close, honey, trust me, he won't dare to do anything."

"It's not you I don't trust, it's him," I paused, peering at the silhouette of Jacob. "Why are you encouraging me to go?" I asked, eying his form suspiciously. He stuck his head out of the shower, smirking.

"Maybe I just want you to be there so I can look at you." His eyes roamed my body.

"He'll be looking at me too, you know. He always does. Aren't you bothered by that?" That was a stupid question, because I knew how he hated how Jon's eyes would rake over me appreciatively.

"I don't care what happens in his mind to be honest, as long as his hands stay off you." He pulled his head in again. I sighed. At least I'd wear something appropriate, to make it more difficult to ogle me.

Half an hour later Jake had already left and I was standing in front of my full-length mirror with a critical eye. I'd decided on a pair of slim jeans and a long sleeved tee in a dusty plum. That ought to do it, I thought. On my way through the apartment I made sure I had my phone, then I pulled on my brown leather boots and matching jacket.

When I got to Jon's place he was already standing there waiting for me. He eyed his truck with a worried glance, then he got into the passenger seat, flashing me a broad grin.

"She suits you," he said and closed the door.

I snorted in disgust and revved the engine for good measure, making him wince.

"Just remember, buster. Behave." We took off toward our destination, and I kept focused on him out of the corner of my eye. "Just how are you going to pick up girls with me there?" I asked after a moments silence. He smirked.

"Who says I want to?" His eyes were on me, gauging my reaction.

"Um, you're _you_." It was a perfectly accurate observation. We all knew he was a womanizer.

He shrugged. "I don't feel like it tonight. I'm bored with them, and I feel like just hanging out, without the pressure of 'are we going to your place, or mine'. Believe it or not, Bella, I can go one night without sex."

I winced. "I wish you wouldn't talk like that around me, I'm not a guy."

"But you don't want me to treat you like a girl," he pointed out.

Ugh. Why did I invite conversation?

"I want to be treated like your brother's _girlfriend_," I shot back flatly.

"Bella," he started, "I _told_ you that I wouldn't bother you, so relax. Let's just have some innocent fun."

I shot him an icy stare. He raised an eyebrow at me, looking at me expectantly, silently asking me to give him a chance.

"Okay—_okay!_"

"'Atta girl," he complimented and gave me an easy smile.

"Don't make me regret this," I told him in a warning as we pulled into the parking place behind the club, next to my Guardian. Jacob's boss, Lee, had given me permission to use the staff parking since he found out that me and Jake were an item.

"Let the fun begin!" Jon smirked at my less than enthusiastic expression.

I really, truly hoped that I wouldn't regret this.


	3. Running Up That Hill

_And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building.  
If I only could, oh..._

_By  
Placebo  
(Kate Bush Cover)_

**~* Running Up That Hill *~**

_**Bella...**_

The club wasn't as busy as I remembered it when I had been here last time with Angela. Briefly I wondered if it would be decent to send her a message and ask if she wanted to come join me, at least it would make me feel more relaxed.

As I handed over my jacket to the woman at the counter I started searching the room for Jake, hoping to catch a glimpse of him for some moral support. He was nowhere to be seen. I sighed.

"So, what will it be, Bella?" Jon gestured toward the bar.

"A soda will do just fine," I replied politely, and Jon grimaced.

"Live a little, one drink won't ruin your ability to drive."

I took a deep breath, telling myself that this was who Jon was, and he really didn't mean to be such a pain.

"All right, one drink. But that's it," I warned. "Just pick something light and fruity."

He nodded and offered me his arm, giving me a disarming smile which completely threw me off all my previous assumptions about him. Reluctantly I took his arm and let him lead me up to the bar. It felt strange to be close to him in any way, and the subtle warmth that radiated through the soft cotton of his steel blue shirt brought up an image in my head from many months ago. I shook it off and withdrew my arm stiffly, walking up to stand next to him, avoiding physical contact.

He raised an eyebrow at me, questioning me with his eyes, then his jaw clenched and for a moment I wondered if I'd hurt his feelings. As if that would be possible. But when he pulled out his phone and brought it to his ear I realized his reaction had had nothing to do with me.

"Yeah?" He answered warily. "Mother—I told you to stay away."

I watched him, taken by surprise at how different he sounded as he continued speaking with his mom. Whatever arrogance and unhealthy confidence he put on was washed away, and he sounded almost like I remembered him; soft and charming.

"I don' think that's such a good idea, I'll pay for a hotel here in Port Angeles—Please, mother, just do as I ask." His voice was urgent and pleading, and I found myself mesmerized by the emotion he was allowing to seep into his words. What in the world caused him to be such an ass to me? Or to Jake. If this was who he truly was, then perhaps having him around wouldn't be so much trouble. Maybe Jake could even let his guard down enough to let Jon see what a great guy he was. I knew that if they could both just stop all their macho nonsense that they could actually enjoy each others company. Then again, I had heard all about sibling rivalry, and that it was quite common.

Being an only child had been such a bliss!

"You too. I will see you soon." He shoved the phone back into his pocket and stared at the counter for a moment. I thought he had forgotten where he was when he suddenly glanced at me with a guarded expression. "I have to go. But I'll come back." Then he turned to leave. I quickly went after him and grabbed for his arm, making him stiffen.

"Where are you going?" I asked. Was he just going to leave me here?

"I have to go pay for my mother's hotel room." His eyes drifted to my fingers wrapped around his arm and I dropped my hand quickly, my cheeks flushing.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"I knew that you couldn't keep your hands off me," he said with a smirk and I looked up at his suddenly amused expression. My cheeks burned and I felt the anger bubble up inside me. How stupid had I just been, thinking that there was something redeemable about his persona?

"Ugh! You're an asshole!" I fumed.

He chuckled. "I know. But now the asshole has to go pay for his mother's hotel room, so, I will be ba-"

"Don't bother!" I spat and pushed past him, heading for the coat-room. I slapped my number-tag on the counter, earning a questioning look from the woman there. Jon's hand appeared on the counter where I was keeping my eyes while waiting for my jacket.

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," he said awkwardly.

"I'm sure you are," I retorted without looking at him.

"Here's your jacket." I looked up and offered her a stiff smile before walking away, trying put my hands into the sleeves but failing miserably due to my frenzied movements. Ignoring the jacket and just folding it over my arm I headed out the door.

The cool air bit right through my thin cotton tee and I shivered. Stupid jacket. I shook it out and in the bright light from the neon-sign I realized that my scarf was shoved into one jacket-sleeve. Feeling stupid I pulled it out and wrapped it around my neck when without warning my jacket was pulled from me.

"Allow me," came Jon's uncharacteristically gentle voice, making me turn to look at my jacket-thief, wondering if it was really who I thought it was.

"Why are you following me?" I sounded like a real bitch with my snarky attitude, but I couldn't help it. He brought it on himself.

"Because you're my brother's girlfriend and I need to make sure you're not running off into the night, getting mugged or some such." He didn't smile but at least that stupid smirk had been wiped off his face.

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself, thank you very much." He rolled his eyes at me and gestured for me to turn around as he held out the jacket for me. I turned and slipped my hands into the sleeves, shuddering as he worked it over my shoulders, his arms briefly coming around me. His close proximity caused a tingle to assault my stomach but he quickly stepped away, creating a safe distance between us. When I turned around he gave me an apologetic look.

"I will drive you home, if you can manage another few minutes in my company," he offered, all innuendo's and mock humor gone.

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that." I avoided his eyes and turned to walk toward the car.

He didn't speak to me, nor did he look at me as he drove me home. While I was relieved, there was a nagging feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach. What was the deal? How did he manage to infuriate me so completely, only to in the next moment make me feel guilty for wanting to get as far away from him as possible? I chanced a glance at his face, he was stoic as she kept his eyes straight ahead.

"We're here," he announced politely.

I blinked and gazed out the window. "Oh. Um, thanks for ride." I opened the door and got out, closing it behind me. As I walked around the front of the car I heard him getting out, and he came toward me, making my whole body tense up defensively.

"You forgot your purse." I grabbed it from him and offered him a tight smile, avoiding his eyes still.

"Thanks," I mumbled and started for the door. Something about him right now scared the crap out of me and the sooner I was inside my apartment the better. I felt him watch me as I walked across the small courtyard, which made me start fumbling nervously with my keys. All kinds of emotions flitted through me as I tried to put the key in the door with a trembling hand. "Goddammit," I hissed, wincing that Jake's vocabulary was rubbing off on me. A warm hand closed over mine and confusion tangled my thoughts as an electric current shot up my arm. Then the key slid home but I was unable to move, until I was turned to face Jon.

"Maybe next time you should bring some gloves, it's October after all." His soft voice was doing strange things to my insides, and all I could think of was that I wanted him to back away from me.

"I'll remember that," I offered meekly, glancing at him, and he took a step back.

"You confuse me," he told me and his eyes matched his words. "I'm not used to feeling guilty for who I am, but somehow that's how you make me feel." I felt nailed to the spot under his intense gaze and as he continued to stare at me I took notice of my pounding heart.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say, and the way he was looking at me caused my body to tingle in anticipation. His fingers brushed against my cheek as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, making my heart sputter in protest.

"I'm sorry too," he said and leaned in. I froze. What the hell was he doing? Then his warm lips touched my cheek ever so slightly. It was fleeting, yet I was conflicted by how it made me feel. Before I could think further on it he pulled back, his expression unreadable. "Have a good night, Bella." And then he left.

I stood there, staring after his truck as it disappeared, feeling nothing short of dumbstruck. Had Jonathan just kissed my cheek? The confusion I felt didn't measure up to the shock and disbelief. At first I had been so sure he was going to actually kiss me, because that had seemed to be what could be expected of him, but a kiss on the cheek? All kinds of emotions rolled around inside me. I was both happy and distraught. Worst part was the tiny twinge of disappointment, why would I even want him to kiss me? Quickly I turned to open the door, pushing the irrational thoughts out of my mind.

Once inside I began pacing back and forth, admonishing myself as the incident replayed in my mind, over and over. Would this upset Jake? Should I tell him, or would it cause unnecessary conflict? The fact that I even debated _not_ to tell him wracked my whole being with guilt. Shouldn't that tell me that it was something to tell, although nothing had happened? Why did I even spend so much time thinking about it? Ugh!

Then my phone started ringing; it was Jake.

"Hey." My heart was beating, and my cheeks flushed. _Guilty_, a small voice echoed inside my head.

"Where are you?" came his suspicious voice.

"I'm at home," I replied defensively. "Jon had to go check his mother into a hotel," I added quickly.

"Oh," he said.

The silence was awkward and it only made my guilt all that harder to push to the side.

"What's wrong?" He asked, picking up on my uncharacteristic silence.

"Nothing is wrong, why would something be wrong? I just went home because I didn't want to be alone at the club—well, you know what I mean. I didn't see you, where were you?" I nearly ran out of breath, and I could feel my cheeks burning. God I was such a horrible liar. Why was I lying?

"Bella, you're trying to do it again..." he had lowered his voice.

I let out a long, drawn out sigh. "Jon kissed my cheek," I said in a small voice.

He didn't say anything, but I could hear the music in the background, which told me he was still there.

"And-" he encouraged me to continue, and I knew that a kiss on the cheek was nothing. Especially when it came to Jonathan, if he'd want to be inappropriate there had been a million other things he could have done. He hadn't done anything at all, had he? So, why was I freaking out?

Jonathan's words popped into my head, unwanted and uninvited,

"_It's you who you don't trust."_

I snorted. Yeah right.

"Bells?"

"I'm sorry, I thought it would upset you. I guess I overreacted." What was I supposed to tell him? That I didn't trust myself in Jonathan's company? What a ridiculous notion; of course I trusted myself.

_Haven't we been here before, denial and all that?_ That little voice inside me pulled me up short, making me shake my head.

"Did _anything_ else happen?" Jake persisted, sensing my strange mood.

"No."

_Yes._

No!

_Liar._

Shut up!

"All right." He didn't believe me. He wasn't the only one, but I wasn't going to deal with that right now.

"I miss you," I offered miserably. I did. He needed to come home and erase the horrible feeling in my stomach, to reassure me that I saw no one but him. What was wrong with me? After all the drama with Edward, pushing Jacob away because I couldn't see my feelings for him. Divorcing Edward so I could finally be with the love of my life. Had I been too hasty—no! I smacked my forehead. Jonathan was an attractive man, he had tons of experience with women and how seduce, no doubt, and after all—he did resemble Jake. They were brother's for God's sake! It was perfectly natural, normal.

_Not even you are that stupid to believe that._

Go away!

"I think I need to go lay down, I'm getting a headache." It was only half a lie. My inner debate was making my head spin.

"I don't know what's going on, honey, but if you need me you know I will come home."

"No!"

"No?" He sounded hurt. God!

"I meant; I'll be fine. You don't need to come home. I'm good." Yes, I would be fine. I just needed to go to sleep.

"I love you, honey. I'll see you later."

"Love you too." I hung up and tossed my phone on the sofa.

Not knowing what to do I went and collapsed in front of the TV, turning it on. I don't know how long I sat there, flicking through the channels when my phone rang. I snatched it up, but my stomach dropped when I saw it was Jonathan. With a groan I put the phone back down. Enough drama for one night.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was roused by warm arms wrapping around me, and automatically I nuzzled into the familiar chest, inhaling deeply.

"Mm, my Jacob," I mumbled sleepily.

"Let's get you to bed, honey," came his husky reply in my ear. He lifted me off the sofa and carried me to the bedroom as I clung to him feebly, my weak limbs still riddled with sleep. After he'd put me down on the cool sheets I felt him unbuttoning my jeans, pulling them off me. My socks followed, then my shirt and finally my bra. I shuddered against the chilly air, but soon I felt the mattress give way as he crawled into bed next to me, pulling me into his arms again where I snuggled up contentedly.

I must have been really exhausted because I didn't wake until the first light filtered in through my bedroom window. Jacob was fast asleep next to me, an arm thrown across my chest and his muscled leg pinning me to the mattress. It made me smile.

Trying not to wake him I wriggled out from beneath his heavy limbs, tiptoeing to the bathroom to have a shower. After I was fully dressed in a pair of jeans and a tee I made my way to the kitchen, opening the fridge. I frowned at the barren state of it, realizing that I'd forgotten all about shopping yesterday. My stomach growled at me viciously and I closed the fridge, eying an apple in the fruit basket, begrudgingly fishing it up. I would go and do the shopping now before Jake would wake and demand to know why his breakfast was missing. So while munching on the apple I scribbled a note for him, leaving it on the counter.

It was still fairly early, so I didn't have to worry about fighting my way through the parking lot at Safeway. Happy about getting to do my shopping in peace I grabbed a trolley and started making my way through the isles. I also picked up some freshly baked bread from the bakery, feeling proud of myself as I walked out to my car.

A flashy sports car pulled in next to mine, music blaring. I grimaced. Boys, I thought and pulled open the boot when I noticed that it wasn't a male that stepped out of the car. She flipped her silky, golden brown hair, looking around with an unimpressed expression on her flawless face. Her full lips pursed as she caught me looking at her—more like staring. She flashed me her perfect, pearly whites which contrasted nicely against her sun-kissed skin. Like in a movie she peeled her shades down the bridge of her straight nose and her hazel eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Hey there," she greeted me in a light voice. "This is gonna sound so stupid but, I just got into town and I need directions."

I returned her smile politely. "That would all depend where you're going, I'm kind of new here too," I explained apologetically. She held up a finger and dove into the backseat of her car, coming back up with a folded piece of paper in her hand. When she rounded the car I noticed the low-cut jeans, showing off a fair portion of her thongs. I averted my eyes, embarrassed, meeting her bemused expression as she handed me the note.

"I'm trying to find a friend of mine, and he's being elusive. I want to surprise him, we haven't seen each other in ages." As I unfolded the note she leaned back against her car, her eyes traveling across my Guardian. "That's a nice car you have there," she commented and I smiled.

"Thank you, it's a gift from my ex-husband."

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows shot up, and her eyes sparkled mischievously.

"I bet you had him firmly wrapped around your finger," she enthused, "You go, girl."

I rolled my eyes inwardly then looked down at the note. I couldn't help reacting.

"You know Jonathan?" I couldn't imagine what I might have sounded like to her, but I know I felt a slight twinge of defensiveness. I bet this was one of his concubines. Poor girl, at least I wouldn't feel too sorry for her when he sent her packing. Not until he had had his way with her, no doubt, I thought in disgust as I watched her eyes narrow.

"Yeah," she drawled. "And you are?" It sounded like an accusation. Uh oh. I hope this wasn't a crazy stalker or something. Maybe it was possible that he gained those throughout his escapades? Would it really be decent of me to lead her right to his doorstep?

"I'm Bella Swan, pleased to meet you," I offered as politely as I could. "Jonathan is my boyfriend's brother," I explained when she continued to eye me as if she calculated how easily I could be taken down. Her expression went from hostile to pure shock.

"Jon doesn't have a brother," she said.

"Well, that's life sometimes," I said and started transferring my shopping-bags into the boot of my car. "But apparently he does." I wasn't sure what to think about this girl. She seemed harmless enough, and quite sweet, in a very airy kind of way. It wasn't my style to be judgmental, but something about her made me slightly uncomfortable. Might have had something to do with her dress-code.

"Well, since you know where he lives, do you think you could show me the way? I'm not very good with directions." She laughed and as much as I wanted to be irritated by her, her voice was soft and sweet. It was a weird clash, while she had that cute "girl-next-door" appeal, her clothes and her demeanor suggested something else entirely. Maybe I should call and ask him.

"Let me see if he's home," I said and fished up my phone, dialing his number.

"No!" she exclaimed. I raised an eyebrow, studying her horrified expression.

Well, that's just weird.

"I won't say anything, just asking if he's there," I reassured her, and she relaxed, nodding fervently.

"Okay. Good."

It was ringing.

"I don't even know your name, so how could I tell him?" I looked at her expectantly.

"Sophia," she offered warily.

"Pleased to meet you-"

Jonathan's smooth voice interrupted me. "Well, well. What might our little princess want?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just calling to see if you're home."

"Want to come by for breakfast in bed?" He asked hopefully. Ugh. So much for his promises to behave himself. I tried to force myself not to get irritated. The last thing I wanted was for this stranger in front of me to witness my personal drama.

"I take that as a 'yes'?" I ignored his innuendo.

"Do I sense a change of heart?" The smile in his voice was obvious and I wished I was there so I could throw something at his head. Preferably the whole box of eggs I had just bought. That ought to wipe that silky smirk off his face that I knew he wore.

"No. I prefer my men with a pulse, which requires a heart." I hung up and glanced warily at Sophia, gauging her reaction, which was smug.

"Sounds like he hasn't changed much," she said.

"How long have you known him?" I was dying to dig up some dirt on him to give me answers as to why he was such royal pain in the ass.

"Oh wow," she blurted, looking up. "Quite a while. We used to go to school together. He wasn't always like this though. He used to be really sweet." A wistful smile passed across her lips, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

I closed the boot. "Well, I guess you better get in your car if you want me to show you the way," I offered with a smile. She seemed nice, and if she was someone he'd gone to school with I doubted she was a stalker.

Sophia bounced happily back into her car, giving me a wave.

As soon as I got into the car and had started driving I popped in my hands-free and dialed Jon's number again. I was going to make certain that her story checked out, and give him a heads up. It felt like the right thing to do.

"I knew you'd call me back."

"Don't flatter yourself, Jon, I'm just calling to tell you that you have a visitor incoming."

"If it's not you, wrapped up in a red bow, I'm not interested." His voice was serious and all business.

"Could you not make a joke, for once?"

"Oh, I am not joking. Actually, another bottle of whisky might be needed too," I heard the empty clang of a glass bottle and rolled my eyes. "Oops, yes, this one is empty."

"I'm not a delivery-service," I muttered.

He ignored me. "So, if it's not you, then who might it be?"

I briefly checked my rear-view mirror. "Someone who drives a candy-red sports car, couldn't tell you the make or model, I'm not that bright. Something flashy."

"Hmm. You bought me a car? You shouldn't have."

"Jonathan!" I complained.

"Okay, okay—I don't know anyone who owns a red sports car."

"Do you know someone named Sophia?" There was a loud clatter and I flinched at the high-pitch screech in the phone. He must have dropped it. "Jon?" I heard swearing.

"Bella, you there?" came his urgent voice.

"What happened?"

"I dropped my phone, but never mind that. Okay, listen to me very closely. Do not—and I mean it—do _not_ bring her around here. In fact, just take off or something." My stomach lurched. Uh oh. So I had completely misjudged her, it was a stalker.

"I'm sorry, she said she knew you from school, so I thought that she wasn't a stalker, I tried to talk to her a bit to see if she was decent, I guess she had me fooled-"

"That's just what she does. Actually, go to La Push, I'll see you there. I mean it, don't even talk to her." Then he hung up.

I panicked and peered into the rear-view again; she was still there. What now? I couldn't go to La Push. Jacob was waiting for me back home and I had groceries in the back, what would Jacob think? I called Jon back, and waited impatiently as I weaved through the streets. How long would she follow before she realized that I wasn't going to take her to Jonathan's place?

"You really love talking to me, don't you."

"Stop it. Can you go and pick up Jake? He's waiting for me at home. I went out to get groceries and left him a note that I'd be back."

"Don't worry, I'll even bring him some breakfast. Shit, I don't know if they have enough hash-browns at Mac Donald's, you do realize he eats like a horse, right?"

"I live with him," I said pointedly.

"Okay. I'll get the boy, don't worry."

"Thank you," I said and smiled then hung up.

I took a sudden turn, speeding down a side street until I realized it was a dead end. Well, crap. So this wasn't my thing. I slowed down at the cul-de-sac, turning the car around. As I did so I caught a glimpse of Sophia as she gave me a puzzled look. I smiled apologetically and gave her a quick wave before flooring the accelerator, my car shooting forward.

When I was on the one-oh-one, going out of Port Angeles she was still on my ass, which caused a nervous lump to be firmly lodged in the pit of my stomach. Was she really going to follow me all the way to La Push? I hoped not. Jonathan hadn't specified yet exactly what kind of a person she was, except that he had hinted that she was good at fooling people.

The dread grew as I came closer to La Push, the candy-red car still glinting in my rear-view. I groaned and hoped that Jonathan wouldn't be too upset when we he pulled into Billy's driveway and saw her car standing there.

My phone rang, and I pressed to talk, my hands-free still hooked up.

"What the hell is going on, Bella?" Jake's angry voice made me flinch.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling horrible. "I'm a terrible judge of character."

"I wake up, find your note and then two minutes later Mr. Ass shows up with a bag full of Mac Donald Breakfast meals, telling me I need to come with him to La Push because you've attracted the 'mistress from hell'—not my words; his."

I sighed. "Yup. I know I'm an idiot, but can we discuss that later? Now I kinda want to know what I do with said 'mistress from hell', because I have candy-red on my ass!" I hissed.

"Huh?"

"Sophia, the mistress from hell, she's still following me," I muttered. "And I'm almost in La Push."

"Oh, wait a sec." I heard him relay my predicament to Jonathan, who didn't seem overly surprised. He said something but I couldn't quite catch it so I waited for Jacob to talk to me again. "Okay, just continue to Billy's place. Jonathan said he'd take care of her-" he paused. "Are you okay, honey?" His voice had softened, and I relaxed.

"I'm fine. I just feel rotten for causing so much trouble. All I wanted was to get ingredients for breakfast. I even bought those fresh bread-rolls that you like."

Jacob chuckled. "Well, we can still eat them in La Push. Dad wouldn't mind a good breakfast."

Thinking of sitting down and eating breakfast, all of us, made me smile and I took a deep breath.

"Okay, I'll see you when you get here. Love you. Oh—good morning, Jake."

"Morning, beautiful," he whispered huskily, then I heard Jonathan complain, saying something about his appetite being ruined. Ass.

Sophia had ended up following me all the way to La Push, and she followed me still as I pulled into the dirt road at Billy's place. I felt nervous as I stepped out of the car, glancing at hers as it pulled up next to mine. Then Billy appeared in the doorway, rolling himself outside with a strange expression on his face.

"Well, hello, Bella." His head turned to the sports car and his eyebrows pulled together. "Who's that?"

"Who was it, Billy?" came a woman's voice from inside the house and my head turned toward the screen door just as a stranger appeared, stepping outside warily. Her black hair was pulled back from her face in a neat bun and it didn't take me long to work out who it might be.

Oh boy, this was going to be one interesting day.

For a moment I wasn't sure what to do, and I threw a nervous glance at Sophia who had stepped out of her car, staring at me with an irritated look on her face.

"Um," was all I could get past my lips.

"I'm Sophia." She introduced herself, looking from me to Billy. "Bella promised to show me to where Jonathan lives, and she led me here." She gave me a cool smile.

"Sophia Rogers?" The woman behind Billy spoke and I looked at her, her face tight. Was she angry?

"Ms. Morgan? What are you doing here?" My head turned back to Sophia who looked slightly scared.

"That's a very good question, I might ask you the same thing. What are _you_ doing here? Haven't you done enough?"

Whoa. Okay. "Time out, time out!" I exclaimed, raising my voice slightly. "Could someone tell me what's going on here?" First I turned to Sophia who seemed to retreat toward the driver side of her car. "You told me you used to go to school with Jon, why did you lie?"

"I didn't," she snapped.

I sighed. "Well, dang!" My head was beginning to hurt for real now, and I ignored Sophia for a while, deciding to turn my questions to Billy. "Who is your visitor, Billy?"

"Jonathan's mother, Maria Morgan." His eyes averted from mine as my jaw slacked. So, it had been a wild guess, but at least I was correct for the first time today. Thank God for small favors, right?

"So, it would seem we all know each other in some way or another. Great! Well, guess what; Jake and Jon are on their way here now, isn't that just swell? We can all sit down and eat Jake's bread-rolls and reminisce about the good old days!" I threw my hands up in a gesture of grandeur. God, what had I done?

Billy's face looked stricken and his eyes shot to me in panic. I shook my head apologetically and shrugged. Then he turned to Maria who seemed to share his feelings, and she reached out and stroked his face tenderly. Billy's face was so full of emotion that I blinked in confusion. I'd never seen him like that.

"It's all right, Billy. I will leave."

"No," he said firmly, taking her hand and placing a kiss on the top of it. "It's time to tell Jacob the truth, he deserves to know. I can't do this anymore. The years of denial has weakened me enough." He patted his wheelchair and she nodded, her eyes glistening with tears.

I was at a loss for words, and my mind was running 200 miles an hour as it desperately tried to make sense of what was happening.

"What truth?" I asked, waiting for Billy to look at me.

His shoulders slumped in defeat, and he turned to me, his eyes tortured. He paused as he glanced at Sophia who had retreated into her car, but she was still here. Waiting for Jonathan, no doubt.

"You know what happened to Sam and Leah, right?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"That happened to me and Sarah, but unlike Sam I fought it. It has been a damned hard fight, Bella, but I couldn't hurt her. I won't lie and tell you that it was easy, so don't think that Sam could have chosen Leah. I wouldn't wish this physical agony on anyone, not even my worst enemy." As he said the final words he expelled a harsh breath, as if it had taken him all the strength in the world to say them. And as the reality of the situation began to take root and partially clear up my muddled brain I gasped.

"Is that why you're in that chair?" Tears stung my eyes as he nodded and I could feel my heart breaking for him. Then I glanced at Maria who stood proudly next to him, fighting her own tears. This was just too much to take. How could fate be so cruel, how was this imprinting ever something good? No matter what the outcome, it seemed to hurt people. In Sam's and Leah's case it had hurt her, because Sam had given in, but if she knew how much agony it would have caused Sam to fight it, would she even have asked it of him? I somehow doubted it. Even if Leah had been a bitter harpy, it was all a show. And now Leah was finding her happy ending, which she deserved.

Billy deserved his happy ending too, didn't he? Even if it had possibly shattered his family, it had all been out of love for Sarah. Should he really be punished for that? And what about Jonathan and Jake? I hoped that when they got to hear this that they could finally find it in themselves to accept it, and to move on. If we were to be able to function, somewhat, together, then this animosity needed to stop. _I_ needed to stop giving Jonathan a hard time. Somehow I sensed that he had his very own reasons for being the way he was, and the grumpy girl in the sports car next to me had something to do with it. Of that I was sure.

Then it dawned on me.

"But Billy, I thought that-" I glanced at Sophia who didn't seem to be paying attention, then continued. "Don't you need to be a, you know, to..." I gestured between him and Maria.

"Yes," he told me, and my eyebrows shot up.

Billy had been a wolf? Holy cow.

"But, Jake told me that-"

"Bella, that's a discussion I am not ready to have yet." His words were firm and final.

I nodded and smiled sheepishly. "Okay, I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for," he said, returning a smile. "Why don't you come inside."

"Oh crap!" I darted to the boot of the car and flung it open. "I have milk and eggs, and a lot of other things that need to go in the fridge, can I?" I nodded toward the door.

Billy laughed. "Sure, bring it all in. I'm feeling kind of hungry," he said and winked at me. Maria gave him a peck on the cheek then came toward me.

"Let me help you there, dear." She grabbed a couple of bags and I grinned at her.

"Thanks."

Maybe I would be able to whip something up before they got here, unless Jake's stomach was already full of hash-browns. I smirked and wondered what the person at Mac Donald's had thought when Jonathan had come in and placed his order. I bet that would have been something to see.

Maria ended up helping me with breakfast, and we had even invited Sophia inside. It had seemed rude to leave her out there, but after Maria had assured me that she wasn't a serial-killer or a dangerous stalker I had relented and hoped that Jonathan wouldn't kill me.

As we finished up; me cleaning some bowls and Maria frying the bacon the sound of wheels turning on the gravel brought us to a pause. Sophia shot up and dashed out the door. I rolled my eyes and went back to my cleaning-duty. I heard doors slam and smiled. Hopefully we'd get to live through breakfast before hell broke loose. But, if I had realized that the real trouble wouldn't be breaking the news about Maria and Billy to Jake, but instead the blast from Jonathan's past; maybe then I would have thought twice about offering her directions that morning. As it were, I would soon find out that life can throw you the trickiest of curve-balls, and if you don't know how to catch them, you better step aside, because holy shit they hurt.

What was taking them so long?

"Oh, there you are," Jonathan's voice made me look up from my dirty dishes. His face was strained. Oh crap.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know she could be so persistent-"

"Mhmm, yes, she's quite a piece of work, but that's not the problem. Houston, we have a problem." He gave me an odd look, then his eyes widened as he must have realized who was standing in the kitchen with me.

"Hello, Jon." She smiled, and Jon just shook his head.

"Seriously, someone needs to come outside, because there's an issue that I'm not sure I know how to handle."

Billy rolled into the kitchen. "What is it, Jonathan?"

"Well, my brother is being weird, I mean, weirder than usual. I think he's gonna have a coronary or something. It just ain't pretty."

Me and Billy looked at each other, then we both made a dash for the door. Of course I won, but I soon wished I hadn't. This wasn't something I wanted to witness. It was something from my deepest nightmares, that could possibly be the very end of me.

Jake was rooted to the ground, his back ramrod straight, fists clenched at his sides as he stared—no, more glared, he seemed furious beyond anything—at Sophia who in turn seemed equally incapacitated. What was he doing?

"Jake?" I stepped outside and started down the ramp.

"Don't come any closer, Bella, I'm not safe to be around right now." His voice was all wrong, and me being me disregarded him and continued closer.

"What's wrong, what did she do?" My eyes went back to her, because obviously she had done something, the way he was shooting daggers at her with his eyes. She looked terrified.

"I told you to stay!" He snarled at me and I flinched, my steps faltering and I came to a stop a few yards away from him. As I had gotten closer I could get a better look, and I could understand how Jonathan had been at a loss. Jacob's skin was covered in a sheen of perspiration, his hands were trembling so violently that I feared he was on the verge of phasing. His whole shape seemed to be blurring. I couldn't understand what had gotten him so upset, so I turned to Jonathan who stood next to a paralyzed Billy.

"What happened? Did she do something?" My question was directed at Jonathan but Billy nodded, which threw me.

"I didn't even get the pleasure of chewing her out for playing stalker basket-case, following your ass all the way here," Jonathan explained. "The moment we got out of the car Jacob just—stopped, where he is now. She didn't even acknowledge him until she realized that I wasn't gonna answer her because I was too busy looking at my brother. It's after she looked at him that he started going all Chewbacca on me."

I blinked once, then twice. I heard myself question Jonathan something.

"Chewbacca?"

"Yeah, grumbling and growling—all kinds of stuff. I'm honestly worried about him. Besides, this kind of reminds me of the Quileute legends. Remember how I told you that we supposedly descended from wolves?" When I didn't answer him, but just stared at Jacob who continued to glare at Sophia he continued. "Okay—well, this is making me question if it holds a splinter of truth. Because I swear that he really did growl."

"Will you just—Shut. Up.," Jacob forced out between his gritted teeth.

"Yep. Sorry. Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay to you?"

"I guess not."

"Leave, please. All of you." He turned his head to me, and the moment he let a small part of the facade drop that he was holding onto so desperately his face crumpled in pain, and his eyes communicated all of what he couldn't say in that moment, delivering me that curve-ball. It was too fast, and I was completely unprepared, because he had promised me that this wouldn't happen to him. We belonged together, that's what he had promised. So all I could do was to let it hit me.

"I'm so, _so_ very sorry, honey."

I shook my head. This was a bad dream, all I'd need to do was to pinch myself, and I'd wake up. This wasn't happening.

"This is a dream, you're a dream. I knew today was too bizarre to be true."

Jacob seemed to be struggling even harder as my delusional words came out of my mouth. The pain in his face didn't lessen, it only seemed to be getting worse the longer he stood there.

"Bells, please. Go inside. And, Jonathan," he turned his head to his brother. "Get _her_ out of my sight," he snarled and nodded toward Sophia who was crying now. I hadn't even realized, but as I began to take in my surroundings again I could hear her sobbing loud and clear.

"I'm not leaving you," I blurted and started toward him.

"Bella," Billy called out. "Please come inside. You don't want to do that right now."

I shook my head. There was just no way I would turn my back, there had to be something I could do, right? This wasn't supposed to happen. I kept repeating it to myself, chanting it over and over in my head. I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt tears trailing down my throat and my hair was sticking to my face.

"No," I choked out angrily and continued, closing the short distance between me and Jacob. "Damn it, and damn you. Nobody tells me what to do, you hear me? Nobody, and nothing. I do as I damn well please and everyone can just go to hell if they don't like it, you got that?"

Jake gave me an agonized look as I stepped up in front of him.

"I could hurt you, Bella."

I shook my head. "No, you can't." He tried to turn his face but I grabbed it roughly, knowing that whatever pathetic strength I had in my disgustingly weak, human body couldn't budge him, but I'd be damned if I would go down without a fight. Not after all him and me had been through. "I love you, Jake. And you love me. We're meant to be together, remember? You told me to remember that, and I am. So now you remember it," his eyes were glazing over and my heart was breaking as I watched his pain. I didn't care anymore if I was delusional, or if I was crazy. All that mattered right now was that him and me had fought so long, in our own ways, to be together.

Would he be repulsed by me? I had no idea how this worked, except that Billy had told me that this was physical pain. I flinched as I thought about Jacob's dad and how crippling it had been for him. And as much as I hurt for him I couldn't let Jake give up. If Billy could fight, so could Jacob, right?

I took a deep breath. "Come on, Jake. Fight dammit. Fight!" I trembled as I stretched up to press my lips against his.

"Bella!" Billy called out in panic.

All the while things had been happening around me that I had not been aware of, but the mission here had been to get Sophia out of the way, so she wouldn't witness what Jacob really was. I guess she was out of the way, because the moment I was pulled back into what I could only figure was Jonathan's arms, Jacob launched himself away from us, and mid-stride his shape shifted, a piercing howl of agony tearing through the brisk morning air, ripping me apart as he disappeared into the forest in a russet blur.

I was a nobody. Nothing.


	4. What I've Done

_For what I've done  
I start again  
And whatever pain may come  
Today this ends  
I'm forgiving what I've done_

_By  
Linkin Park_

**~* What I've Done *~**

_**Jacob...**_

Pain. More like torture. Is this what it was supposed to be like? Hadn't I seen this is Sam's mind one too many times already to know that this is not how it was supposed to be. Still, my whole being screamed at me for my refusal to accept it. Was it me fighting that gave me the pain, or had something gone horribly wrong?

My lungs were burning, my limbs aching and trembling. Not even as a wolf could I seem to control the tremors rocking through me. All I could do was to run. No matter how much my legs protested I pushed myself onward, further.

Who the hell was she, anyway, to come here and ruin my life? _Why_ had she come? Oh right, it was because of _him_, my long lost brother from hell. Had he come here to drag me down together with him? I wasn't going anywhere near him again, or _her_.

My legs gave out beneath me and I crashed into the moss and twigs on the forest floor, panting. What the fuck? I struggled, and I fought, trying to get back up but it just wouldn't work, I couldn't move. I don't know how long I tried, but eventually exhaustion set in and I stopped.

_Sam?_

Come on, please answer me. I'm lost. I'm all fucked up. I can't take this shit.

I waited, and waited.

_Jacob, Billy called me._

_About damn time._

I unleashed it on him, gave him full access to the bane of my existence. In doing so I had to relive it all over again. We both watched her, through my minds eye as I'd laid my eyes on her, as everything in me came unhinged, as my heart broke and my soul crashed into nothing only to soar right back up again. It nearly knocked me unconscious, it was too much. Then there it was again, the heat, undeniable and glowing, lighting everything up, setting everything into prespective.

What fucking perspective? It was like being tied to a chair and forced to watched Titanic. I mean, who the hell would want to live through that willingly?

_Jacob, what are you doing?_

_What!_

_Why are you fighting it?_

_You've got to be freaking kidding me, right? Do you know me? Have you seen my life lately or did you just have a fucking brainfart, Sam? _Bella_ is my life, _she_ is MY choice. Who is this girl? A nobody, she's nothing. Haven't you been helping me for months now, building MINE and BELLA's house? Don't you ask me one more time why I am fighting, you KNOW why!_

It was like being hit by a freight-train, just thinking about my Bells. It hurt, and out of all possible things it made me feel like I was going to be torn in two. Whatever. If I had to live in agony for the rest of my life, then so be it. My choice was _mine_, and mine alone. Who the hell decided that this was the best option for me, didn't I get a say? Or was I just a pawn.

Suddenly I felt the sudden urge to hunt down every goddamned leech on this fucked up planet until there were none left. Fuck him for coming here, damn them _all_ to hell for taking my life away from me.

_Jacob. Calm down. Why don't you come over, and we'll talk?_

_Yeah, I would. Only–I cannot fucking MOVE!_

_I'll be there in a minute._

_What are you gonna do, carry me like the cripple that I am?_

_Give it a rest, Jacob._

It took everything that I had to phase back, and once I did the pain cut through me a thousandfold. This wasn't normal. Surely it shouldn't hurt _this_ much.

"Shit, man, you look like crap."

My eyes snapped over to Paul who came walking through the trees with Sam, and Quil was with them too.

"Well, great! Are we all gonna go and drink tea and sit down chanting about our awesome imprints together? Fuck this." I struggled off the ground, starting to walk away from them but my legs felt like spaghetti and I stumbled into a tree. "_Dammit!_"

"Jake, stop being such a douche. What the hell are you trying to prove?"

Paul and Sam grabbed a hold of me, and as they dragged me back through the forest a grim smile spread across my lips.

"You know what, this ain't so bad. I feel kinda human again, all weak and helpless."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You do realize that you can't fight this, right?"

Red flashed in front of my eyes. "The hell I can't. I _am_ fighting it. It's _my_ choice."

"I think I preferred you better before Bella came back into your life," Paul taunted. "At least life was calm, and you didn't cause any drama."

"Just wait until I got this under control, then I'll show you drama, Paul," I sneered.

He laughed. "Bring it."

"You'll never grow up, will you?" Sam sighed.

"At least Rachael will put you in your place, Paul." Quil dodged Paul's right hook.

"Guys, that's enough already."

"Do I get any clothes, I'm feeling kinda cold." I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt cold.

"Give the girl a dress or something." Paul smirked when I shot him a glare.

By the time we got to Sam's house my teeth were clattering. In spite of everything I was ecstatic, I could feel the cold and it was awesome.

"You guys are really hot," I said, winking at them. They all looked at me like I was going crazy.

Emily had just stepped outside, lil' Samuel nestled in her arms. My eyes lit up and momentarily I forgot about everything else.

"How's the little champ?"

Emily eyed me with a raised eyebrow. "Well, hey there, Jake. What happened to you?"

I looked at Sam. Oh. He hadn't told her.

"You didn't hear the great news? I imprinted on a complete stranger, isn't it great? Now we can all start a club and worship together!" She flinched, and I felt like an ass.

"Get him inside and give him some clothes before I flog his ass," Sam growled.

"Hey!" Seth came jogging into the yard, pulling his pants and shirt on. "Dude," he gasped and stared at me. "What the hell?"

"Great," I muttered.

Paul and Quil dragged me into the house and dumped me in the bathroom where they started drawing a bath for me. I started laughing.

"He's losing it," Quil mumbled and glanced at Paul who shrugged.

"If he wants to play hero, let him."

"What's up with the 5-star service? Is it the 'Imprint Introduction Package' or something?"

"You're cold as a dead fish, and you need to be warmed up," Paul shot back, irritation flashing in his eyes. He hated having to lift a finger and do anything. I bet my sister bossed him around too much. Bless her, I'd have to thank her for that. "Or we can bring your imprint around. You'll be right as rain within minutes," he finished and I stiffened.

"Do that, and I can't be held accountable for my actions," I threatened.

"Ha. You couldn't beat a baby duck in your state."

I glowered at them both. "Get out." They both sighed but did as I asked.

Two minutes into the bathing session the door opened, and it was like at least someone had heard my silent prayers. Leah stepped inside, closing the door behind her. I bet it was Sam who'd called her. He knew how close we'd gotten during the years of what I'd thought were the darkest in my life.

"Sam?" I asked and she nodded, her eyes full of pity. "Don't you look at me like that, Leah. I don't want your pity."

"I'm so sorry, Jacob," she whispered. Goddammit. The imprinting thing had made her all soft and girly.

"Can you pretend, for one minute, that we're both fucked up over the people we loved and can't have because they picked someone else? Please, for me." I'd been reduced to begging again, but that seemed a small price to pay.

Leah smirked, her eyes dropping to my naked body. "Is that an invitation?"

Huh? "What–no!" I shot up, covering my essentials with the first thing my hand could grab–a rubberduck? What the fuck?

It squeaked and gurgled as water got sucked into it. I stared at it, then I busted out laughing. Leah did too, and it relaxed me. Thank God!

"You're a mess, Jacob. Again."

"Tell me about it." I rolled my eyes and sighed, tossing the rubberduck away from me. "Is it supposed to hurt like this?" My eyes focused on nothing in particular, but I didn't want to look her in the eye, she had imprinted, after all, and I didn't wanna see the reverent emotion I knew always shone so brightly when they thought about their perfect mates. So sick, and so wrong.

"It only hurts because you're fighting it," she offered quietly, but without accusation, unlike Sam and the others. I was greatful that I had a woman to talk to about it, at least she'd be more sensitive about it, and right now I needed that so I wouldn't get ticked off. Last thing I wanted was to feel more loss of control.

"How can I not fight it, Leah?" Now I took a chance and looked her in the eye, hoping that the imprinting would have removed her animosity for Sam, so that she could see this how I needed her to, without getting all worked up about Sam not fighting for her.

"There are so many things I understand now, and I have no place left in my heart to even feel the slightest twinge of bitterness toward Sam. It's a wonderful feeling, Jacob." There it was, the unquestioning loyalty and worship. Like what you'd expect to see in the eyes of religious fanatics who blew themselves up for their Gods.

I groaned. "Not you too, Leah." I hung my head in my hands.

"You _could_ try-"

"No." I glared at her. "I can't. As much as this–thing–brings me pain and weakens me, I won't survive it if I give in. I'll die, I mean it Leah. I can't do it. My heart forbids it as strongly as my body refuses to give me my free will back."

Leah's eyes narrowed. "You shouldn't even be feeling like that, don't you feel anything good at all?"

_Her_ face popped up in my mind, even if I hadn't even wanted it to. Warmth radiated through me, my palms tingled, then the sharp pain cut through my chest, and it hurt so fucking bad I wanted to claw it right out of me. I guess my face must have contorted because Leah knelt down next to me, her hands grabbing my face.

"Jacob?" She asked in alarm.

"Holy mother of–fuck." I gasped, my lungs constricting. "As I asked-" I gritted my teeth. "Is it supposed to hurt like this?"

Leah's eyes raked over me, her face marred with worry, then she shook her head in confusion.

"I don't know, Jacob, no one has ever tried to fight it before. No one has ever _wanted_ to fight it. What would be the point?"

Yeah. What was I thinking, trying to talk about it to a bunch of lemmings who'd suddenly "seen the light".

"I need to get out of here, I can't take this. I'm sorry Leah, but you're just killing me here."

"Stay," she ordered softly. Then she reached over me and turned on the tap, the hot water burning me.

"Ow! Shit! Dammit, Leah!" I launched myself out of the tub, shocking her. I felt like a scalded frog.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I thought the guys had set the temperature already."

"They did," I said, rubbing my thigh absentmindedly.

"Jacob, this water isn't hot," she said, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, and I'm Santa's poppy, look at my thigh, it burned me," I hissed. She did, then she smirked. Oh for fuck-

"You're still a dirty bitch," I muttered, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Don't you forget it, Black." She winked at me, then there was a knock on the door.

"Is it safe to come in? Are you both decent?"

I shoved the door open in Embry's face. His eyes widened as he took in my obvious shitty appearance.

"Yeah, I look like shit, thanks for reminding me." I snatched the clothes from him, pulling on the sweats and tee. "Dammit, I'm gonna get a complex soon, is my ass even bigger than Sam's or why don't I get underwear?"

I could hear the other guys bust out laughing. Yeah, very funny, I thought and walked back out to the kitchen where they were all gathered, just like old times. If it wasn't for the variety of unwanted emotions I saw in their eyes I could have appreciated the nostalgia of it all.

"The freak of nature has returned, coming through," I muttered and walked past them, pushing the screendoor open and stepped out on the veranda. The brisk wind bit into me and I shuddered. Well, this was new. I couldn't stop the smile on my face. I would have thought that nothing could make me crack even the smallest grin after what had just been slapped in my face, but feeling the cold was soothing. I inhaled it, drawing it deeply into my lungs, and that's when it hit me. The lack scents. It was there, but so dull, so soft.

What was going on? Was I de-wolfing?

"Hey, Embry, come out here for a minute," I called out over my shoulder, and in an instant he came walking out to stand next to me.

"'Sup bro?"

"Hit me," I ordered.

"What?"

I sighed. "Just do it, Emb. Hit me."

"O-kay."

It was a bad idea, but how was I supposed to know what would happen? I heard my shoulder pop out and something cracked.

"_OW!_ Mother-eff!" I started jumping around, clutching my limp arm to my body.

"What the hell, Jake! You asked me to! Jeez!" He was all over me, fussing and apologizing.

"Get off me, you idiot," I hissed through my gritted teeth.

Sam came out, the rest of the guys filing out after him.

"What's going on?" He asked, then he noticed my danging arm and rolled his eyes.

"Whoa, Jake, you really are a girl," Quil said, chortling.

"Ha ha ha. Very funny."

"What'd you do?" came Leah's worried voice and I winced.

"I feel like a zoo attraction, can you stop ogling me like you've never seen a guy in pain before?"

"Jacob," Sam's serious tone made me look at him. "You're gonna have to go to the hospital, you're not healing properly..."

My jaw dropped.

"What's wrong with him?" Embry asked.

"He's fighting his imprint," Sam clarified accusingly, as if I was committing a crime. But besides that I could tell he wasn't kidding. I didn't feel right, or should I say, I felt too much. The pain wouldn't go away, and I couldn't feel that familiar resetting of bones, or the warmth of the healing effect.

"I'll take him," Leah offered, stepping past Embry to give him a dirty look. "You're stupid," she shot at him flatly.

"Leah," I complained. "I asked him to-"

"You're double-stupid."

I rolled my eyes and flinched as she started pushing me down the steps. "Hey! Careful, I'm de-wolfing, don't manhandle me."

Paul cackled behind me. I bet he was really enjoying this.

"I'll call Billy and tell him what's going on," said Sam as I slipped into Leah's car awkwardly, trying to avoid bumping my arm. What a completely fucked up day this was turning into. How was it even possible to regress without making the decision to do so? I guess we'd all find out sooner or later. I hoped for sooner, because as much as the prospect of being a normal guy again was appealing it scared the absolute shit out of me. What if more bloodsuckers came to the area in the future, how was I supposed to protect my Bells?

"Sweet mother of all that is holy," I gasped, my wholy body was spastic. This was gonna have to be dealt with, I wasn't gonna spend all my time going into a seizure whenever I thought about–gotcha, thought I'd let you torture me, didn't ya?

_You're losing it big time._ Oh yeah.

It felt strange being in the hospital, after all the broken bones I'd had in the past few years I'd been able to laugh it off. The doctor prodded me, sent me for an x-ray, then I had to go through one hell of a painful experience of getting my shoulder popped back in place. Which didn't do well for the fracture in my upper arm. They gave me a sling and told me to come back in two weeks, and not to use my arm. Being fragile sucked.

On our way back to La Push, several hours later I was feeling slightly better. Not in my arm, but in my mind. I still didn't dare to think about much though.

Leah's phone rang.

"It's Billy," she said and answered. "Hey, Billy. We're coming back from the hospital, how are things over there?"

My heart stuttered, or more like spasmed. How was she holding up? Was she hurt? Of course she was hurt, moron. I had promised her. How the hell could I have done this to her? I groaned as a dull pain throbbed in my chest. My beautiful girl. Goddammit, I wanted to see her. I _had_ to see her.

"Take me to Billy's," I said weakly.

"_She's_ still there," Leah said, her eyes sympathetic.

"I don't care, I have to see Bella." I winced. Don't let me be like this when I see her, please. She can't see my pain.

Leah talked to Billy for a while, and they seemed to be discussing my strange reaction to the imprinting. I thought Leah would drive the car off the road when she suddenly froze.

"Leah!" I yelped, jerking my arm out to grab the wheel. And it hurt like a bitch. My eyes snapped to hers as she regained control and I glared at her. "What the hell?"

"Sorry," she mumbled, then gave me a weird look.

"What now?" Instantly I thought about my brother, and wondered if Bella had been seeking comfort in his arms. Insane jealousy coursed through me, but instead of beginning to shake I just trembled like a maple leaf. I'd seen him yank her back, he'd wrapped his arms around her as I tore myself away from them. I sighed. If she decided that this had been too much for her I'd have to understand, wouldn't I? Hell no! She was _mine_.

More spasms, more pain. It was like being on a freaking roller-coaster. Up and down, back and forth. There was no end to the emotions that tore through me. Some volatile as all hell, cutting off my ability to breathe, only to in the next moment only cause slight discomfort. Was I losing my mind?

Leah pulled into my dad's drive-way and I pushed the door open, jumping outside, and she must have known I was coming, because the next thing she's stumbling out of the door, her face flushed and swollen for crying. Oh fuck.

"Bella," I gasped under my breath as she came flying down the ramp, throwing herself at me. I was, to my immense surprise, knocked off my feat, sent tumbling backward. The air rushed out of my lungs as she landed on top of me, her eyes round with shock.

"Jake," she breathed. "You're all cold!" Her voice was raw and husky, the tell-tale sign that she'd probably spent all this time crying.

"Honey," I whispered, wrapping my healthy arm around her. God she was so warm.

That did it. She burst into fresh tears and threw her arms around me, squeezing me tightly. Shit, she was strong for a girl. I coughed.

"Bella, you're choking me," I complained and she pulled back, staring at me.

"What?" She blinked her eyes at me, confused. "How's that even possible?" Then something registered on her face, as if something clicked. I felt like I was completely in the dark when her face contorted in guilt, her eyes averting from mine. "I'm sorry," she said, barely audible.

I reached for her face, trying to force her to look at me, but she wouldn't budge, and it sent a rush of anger through me.

"Goddammit honey, look at me, will you?"

"It's all my fault," she whined.

I sputtered. "Are you fucking kidding me? How is this your fault?" I was beside myself with confusion. This wasn't happening. Here I was, fighting back and she was turning away from me, had I missed some vital detail? I took a couple of deep breaths, forcing myself up and she slid down onto my lap, her face still turned away from me.

"I won't hurt you, Jake. I can't. I love you too much." She started to push off me and I thought I would die. So I grabbed her with all strength I could muster and slammed her back down on my lap, making her cry out.

"Don't you _dare_," I hissed. "Don't you even _think it_." She stiffened her shoulders and turned to look at me warily. How could I have fucked this up so badly? "I don't know what shit you've been fed, but I'm still me, Bells. I lo–" My throat choked up. Argh! I grabbed her face and pulled her to me, crushing my lips to hers. A sob tore through her chest and her arms came around me again. It was nothing short of agony and elated joy, all rolled into one. As much as a part of me struggled for me to stop I pressed on, plunging my tongue into her mouth, which was so warm and sweet it made me dizzy. Holy hell, in a way her taste held a potensy so strong that I felt an intense desire pound through me. It completely confused me and got me all riled up at the same time.

Her hands yanked at my hair, which hurt. Ow.

Then everything changed, and suddenly a snarl worked its way up my throat. It happened so quickly that I couldn't have stopped it even if I'd tried. I pushed Bella away from me, horrifying myself as I saw her shocked expression out of the corner of my eye. Then my eyes locked with _her's_ and I knew why it had all gone so terribly wrong.

"_You!_" I shot up, stalking toward her. She shrunk back from me, terror evident in her eyes. Inside me the wolf seemed to come to life, snarling in victory. Oh my _fuck_. The heat from her body hit me like a ton of bricks, and it felt like my limbs started to gain a life of their own as I reached out to touch her face. She flinched as my fingers brushed over her smooth cheek.

_Jake, hello! What are you doing man, get the hell away from her._

I couldn't. So help me, but I couldn't make it go away. I was done for.

"Jacob," Jonathan's voice held a warning and worry. "You're hurting her."

My head snapped to look at him eying me warily.

"And why do you care all of a sudden? All I heard on the way here this morning was what a pain in the ass this woman is, and how you would make sure she'd leave and go away again."

He rolled his eyes, as if I was stupid.

"I'm talking about Bella," he said like 'duh' and I winced, dropping my hand from Sophia's face.

"I'm sorry," I told her. My voice was too soft, too tender. Sophia stared back at me with big eyes, no doubt wondering what kind of a freak I was. It was pure dread to feel anything at all for this complete stranger. It wasn't natural, it was sick. I recoiled from her, turning my head to the side.

"Could you just take her away from here, Jonathan?" I sounded ill, weak and uncertain. Not at all what I wanted to convey.

"We were actually going to go back to Port Angeles, then we got distracted by your R-rated display on the ground." There was a slight hint of amusement in his voice but I tried to ignore it. In truth I, myself wanted to go back to Port Angeles, to Bella's apartment, away from all this craziness. Maybe if we could be alone I would be able to work it all out.

"Son, come inside. We need to talk." I looked over to my dad who was in the doorway. What was the point in trying to fight everything, it made me so tired. All I felt like doing was to go to sleep.

"Right," I agreed and turned to walk away, but my legs felt like ten-ton led weights. "Aw, come on!" I exclaimed, looking at my dad helplessly. His face was drawn, his eyes pained and sympathetic.

"Jacob?" Her voice was like the whisper of grace, and it carried through my senses like a healing flame.

"Soph, don't. Leave him alone," Jonathan ordered, and a growl ripped through my chest. I locked my jaw, and lodged my tongue between my teeth, drawing blood. I was _not_ going to defend her. She was nothing. Not mine.

"I just wanna be properly introduced to your _brother_," she snapped. Her voice made me turn back to look at her. I wish I hadn't. The more I subjected myself to her, the stronger the pull got, and it sickened me, overjoyed me.

"Hi," she said and smiled. That did it. It made my heart soar, and my stomach turn, simultaneously. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced as her eyes and that smile held me her captive, like a sirens call, but stronger. "I guess you already know, but I'm Sophia, I'm pleased to meet you." She reached out her hand, and it was like a magnet, beckoning me closer. My feet moved. Great, _now_ they decided to function?

Jonathan moved to intervene and I growled at him, which made him throw his hands up in frustration.

"All right, I'm done here. I'm leaving, are you coming Soph?"

I looked at her, every fibre in my body hoping she would stay, but my heart and my mind screaming for Jon to pick her up and throw her over his shoulder, bringing her as far away from me as possible.

"Don't be so rude," she accused, her smile drooping into a frown. I took her still outstretched hand, not able to stop, and a jolt shot up my arm, kickstarting my heart right into overdrive. I sucked in a sharp breath, my eyes widening. She was incredibly warm, and soft, and her hand fitted perfectly in mine. I shook my head as I noted the shock on her face. Damn it to hell, she'd felt it too.

"You're the one being rude, dear Sophia. You're flirting with my brother when you know he's got a girlfriend, and don't deny it. It's what you do best."

I wanted to rip his head off, and I whirled on him, stalking up to him to grab his shirt. My limbs surged with strength but I was sorely disappointed when the fist I wanted to plant in his face wouldn't obey me.

"Don't hurt him!" She cried out, and I dropped my hands instantly.

"Ain't that sweet, I'm touched, really." Jonathan turned his eyes on mine. "I don't know what this thing is that you're going through, but if you hurt Bella by giving in to whatever this," his hand gestured between me and Sophia, "Is, then you're even worse than I am. And that, my dear brother, is something you don't want to be. And Sophia, of all people, does not deserve one minute of your time." His eyes flashed back to Sophia before straightening out his shirt, shooting me a warning glance and walking off.

A growl rumbled deep in my chest and I turned to watch him.

"Don't be like that, Jon," Sophia called out.

He completely ignored her, and paused next to Bella, who was staring at me. I was tearing her apart, how could I even forget she was there, watching?

"If you need someone to talk to, just talking, nothing else, then you know where to find me," he told her a bit too softly for my liking.

"Thanks, Jon. I'll be fine, though."

Bullshit. Why was she always lying? Couldn't she admit how much this was hurting her? The way she held it all in made me feel all that more guilty.

"All righty then," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. At least he wasn't completely dislodged from reality. In a way I was glad he didn't push her, but accepted her attempt at bravado. She didn't need anyone trying to convince her of something she wasn't willing to admit to. Something I did often, pushing her. But wait, why was I thinking it like it was a bad thing? As if he would be better for her than me? Hell no.

I hated myself. And I hated the woman behind me. _Sophia._

"Go with him, Sophia. Leave, please," I forced through my teeth. It was enough. As I continued to look at Bella I knew that if I didn't fight harder I would break her. If I hadn't already.

She was still behind me, but she rounded me, blocking my view of Bella, her eyes full of questions.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

This was it, if I didn't do it now I'd never be able to do it. The wolf inside me snarled in protest, feeling my resolution taking root. I wasn't gonna be another fucking lemming in this twisted game of nature, trying to pick my mate to create more monsters like me. Over my dead body.

"Yes."

_Doing good, just don't mess it up._

Her full lips curled in a pout, making my eyes zero in on them. "Okay," she said sadly. "I'm sorry if I did something bad."

"It's not your fault." I strained like hell against everything my body was yelling at me to do. If she would just leave I'd be okay. I knew I could physically not make her, and if Jonathan tried I'd hurt him. Another thing I couldn't do. So many things I couldn't do, but wanted. And so many things I didn't want, but could if I would just let it happen. Like pulling her into my arms to taste her.

_Jake, man. Come on._

I locked down my body. "Leave."

And finally, she turned unwillingly, and walked away from me, causing my body to twitch in protest, but I was in control now. I kept staring after her until she had disappeared into her car, and the car had turned the corner.

I released the breath I seemed to have been holding automatically, then a movement caught my eye, and I watched as Bella moved over to the ramp, her whole body screaming defeat. I had to make her see that I would fight for her. She had to know that I had never lied to her, that we _were_ meant to be together, just as she'd said. Before Sophia had showed up I hadn't felt anything too painful, I had kissed her, and it had felt good. Damn good. It was right. We were right. Not me and some stranger. Bella had been everything I had ever wanted or needed, for as long as I could remember. Imprinting was a disease that should be eradicated.

"Bella, wait," I called out and started moving toward her. She shook her head, continuing to walk up the ramp. "Dammit, just wait," I broke out into a jog and caught her arm.

"Jake," she begged me, "Just leave it. Can't you see the pain this will cause you? Maybe you think you can handle it now, but have you thought what it might do to you in the long run? I can't, and I _won't_ ask you to do that. I want you to be deliriously happy, not just okay. I'll be fine, really. I have been your friend once, and I can be it again. But please don't make this harder than it has to be," she stopped to take a deep, ragged breath as I stared at her, like she was a complete stranger.

"Are you serious?" It was a crushing feeling, having her say these things to me. Was she so ready to give up? My eyebrows pulled together, and I yanked her to me, grabbing her by both shoulders. Huh. No pain, had my arm healed?

She looked at me in surprise. "You're warm again," she breathed out. Then her eyes dropped. "Don't you see, everything is telling you not to fight it, and when you do you will grow weak. I don't want you to be weak, I want you to be strong. I-"

"That's a load of crap, Bella, and you know it." I shook her gently. "Who decides what's best for me? You, or me, or _it_?"

She shook her head. "I think you should talk to your dad, before you say anything more."

"What?" How could my dad have anything to add to this? I didn't want his advice. Which made me look up toward the doorway where he was still.

"Come inside, son. I promise I won't tell you what to do. But there is something I need to tell you, and there is someone I want you to meet." I frowned, wondering what he had tucked up his sleeve. He was a canny old man, and he had this way of tricking me into things. Like incessant babbling when he didn't want me to figure something out. But that one was old, way old. So, what was he going to pull next? Surely he wouldn't want to talk me out of fighting for Bella. He, of all people, should know how much she meant to me. How hard I had fought for her, and the future I had planned for her and me.

Bella put her hand on my arm, and I looked down at her. "Please, Jake. Go on. I'm coming inside too."

All right. This had better be good.

When I got inside I was greeted by a tall woman in black hair and kind eyes.

"Hello, Jacob. It's so nice to finally get to meet you," she said. I guess it was just something in the air today, but not much explanation was required when my eyes traveled to meet my dad's guarded face. This was the one. The woman who had torn our family apart.

Fury curled my fists and I glared at my dad.

"How can you bring her here?" I nearly shouted, jabbing a finger at her.

"Jacob," he nearly growled at me, which floored me. My dad had never really raised his voice at me, let alone growled. "I'm only going to ask you once to be polite. If you would just sit down and give me _one_ minute. Then you can leave, if you want."

I cocked an eyebrow, pulling my shoulders back and sat down at the table, crossing my arms.

"All right, one minute, starting now." I fixed my eyes on him.

"I'm sorry," he said and looked tired again. "Sorry for what happened to you today, and sorry for what I'm about to tell you. As much as I understand that you love Bella, better than you think, I also know that if you choose to fight your imprint, you will have to accept pain as a daily companion for the rest of your life."

I snorted. "Tell me something I don't know. I think I got the picture already." I jerked my chin in the direction of the door.

He continued. "I know exactly what you're going through, son, because I've gone through it too." His eyes held mine and he waited, gauging my reaction. Unwillingly my eyes left his and I took another look at the woman next to him, then back to my dad.

"What are you saying?" I held my breath.

"I am saying that, Maria here, is my imprint, and I have fought her for years and years. I lost that fight, a long time ago, once, but it was all it took. You know what came of that."

My eyes widened and I stared at him, not wanting to believe it. I felt sick, and my stomach dropped. It all made sense. Perfect sense. I stared at his wheelchair, understanding very well the point he wanted to make with this story. So that's what I had to look forward to? Spending my life in a wheelchair? It didn't take me long to consider it.

"If you're hoping to talk me out of my decision, you're sorely mistaken," I said evenly.

Bella moved next to me, and I could feel her unspoken words hang between us.

"Jake-"

"Bella, don't. I love who I love, and nothing changes that. Nothing. I chose you, and that's how it stays." I tilted my head to look up at her. Her familiar, soft face made my heart hurt. I pushed off the chair and started walking down the hallway.

"Jacob, I'm not finished yet," my dad called after me. I ignored him and went to my room, opening the top-drawer in my dresser and pulled out the small box I'd kept for too long. Why hadn't I done this earlier? Maybe it was a good thing, I thought. This would show them just who was in charge, and it sure as hell wasn't some sick thing inside me that my heritage had decided should choose my course of action for the rest of my life. I'd wanted Bella since I was a boy, she was mine, and now the whole world was gonna see that. I pulled the ring out of the box, shoving it into my pocket and stalked back down the hallway.

If you so much as fucking breathe my way, wolf, I'll choke you off for good.

It wasn't healthy talking to myself, but nothing about me was healthy, so what the hell?

They all turned to me as I came into the kitchen again, but I ignored my dad and Maria, walking straight up to Bella, pulling her right into my chest. God. She belonged here, right here with me. I felt it, and it was a sense of belonging. I was hers. How hard was it for my twisted wolf to get that? If he was going to fuck me over, then I would let him go for good. I wasn't gonna have this bull.

"Bella," I framed her face in my hands, brushing the strands out of her face. Dammit, she was in just as big of a mess as I was. Seeing and feeling how much this hurt us both only made my convictions all that stronger. Something that hurts so much can only be right. When she was in my arms I felt myself coming back down to the ground, instead of floating off after some stranger who probably was a basket-case anyway. "Let me fight for you. I'm begging you. I've fought for you so long that giving up now would make it all a waste. What will be the point of anything if I give up now?"

She blinked against the wetness in her big, warm eyes. "I don't want you to be in pain," she choked out.

"Honey, when you ask me to stop fighting, that brings me pain. When you're acting like you're all okay with me giving up, that breaks my heart. If you walk away from me, it will kill me. How many times am going to have to prove to you that I can't function without you?" I felt her fighting, both with me and against me, and for me. My heart filled with so much love for her that I thought it would combust. "Don't you feel all that you are to me?" I asked, feeling weakened by every moment she denied me, refused to let me in.

Her lips trembled with the sobs she kept holding back and all I wanted was to kiss all the hurt away. I was well aware of my dad but I didn't care right now. Slowly, feeling insecure for a change, I lowered my lips toward hers, wanting to give her a chance to stop me, if that is what she really wanted. But right now I felt her with all my being, there was no pull in any direction except that toward her soft lips.

"Jake," she pleaded. "Please don't." I blinked, pausing only an inch from her face. Was it possible that she'd just been pushed too far? Had my dad's story scared her. I could understand that she wouldn't want to risk me ending up in bed with my imprint. I shuddered as my mind and heart rejected that thought alltogether.

"Don't be a martyr, Bella," I said firmly, familiar irritation bubbling up within me. Was this what she'd retreated to? Sacrificing herself for all the wrong reasons? I cursed myself for having instilled this doubt in her heart and mind.

"I can be whatever I want to be," she retorted.

Okay. Now she was beginning to piss me off.

"Dammit," I growled. "Earlier you begged me to fight, and I am. Now I am asking _you_ to fight. Even if you walk away from me, I'll still fight. Even if I end up a fucking vegetable I'll_never_ give in. Are we clear?" That ought to do it.

She shook her head. "You're tricking me, so I won't feel the need to-"

"I love you," I interrupted. "I'll always love you. I'm yours, whether you like it or not. I always was."

I thought I could hear the wolf in me whine, but I ignored him. Ignored his stupid notions of what my life should be, when it was all about what I _wanted_ it to be.

"I love you too, Jake, so much that I can let you go so you won't have to spend the rest of your life wasting all that you are to be with me. Nobody should have to live like that."

Christ! She was impossible and just, so fucking amazing.

"Nobody should have to walk away from the way you love me, Bells. Don't take that away from me." I pressed my lips against hers, throwing out whatever notion I'd had, thinking she would give in by her own accord. She was too self-sacrificing for that. Her struggles didn't last long, and when she finally kissed me back all of me rejoiced.

Except the wolf, who was completely silent.

When I was convinced that she was more agreeable I pulled back, smiling at her swollen lips and flushed cheeks.

"You're beautiful," I whispered, letting one hand drop to dig the ring out of my pocket. I could feel everything coming to a standstill as I slowly slid down on one knee, taking her hand in mine, keeping my eyes locked with hers. I heard the slight intake of air from my dad, and the soft gasp of Maria. That's right, I thought. Watch me.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you're the only one who holds the strings to my heart, the key to my happiness and you always will. Here or not, with me or someone else, each breath I take will be only for you. So, I'm asking you, with all that I am that belongs to you already, will you let me have you as my wife?"

I thought my heart was going to propell right out of my chest as I waited for her to answer. This was the moment I had been dreaming of my whole life. As a little boy chasing after a girl, as a lost youth trying desperately to hold her down to the earth, and now as a man completely in love, begging for her to return the favor. Without her I wouldn't be able to keep my grounding. I'd be lost.

Come on, honey. You know I won't fail you.

"Yes," she whispered finally.

Holy shit, she said yes. I stared at her, dazed.

"Yes, Jacob. I will," she said again, her head bobbing up and down as tears spilled over, rolling down her cheeks; my cheeks. Oh fuck, I was crying. With a shaky hand I revealed the ring I'd saved for and bought, having had it designed simply, just for her. I slipped the platinum band onto her finger. Perfect. Just like her.

"I won't fail you," I vowed, getting up to pull her into my arms, raining kisses over her face.

"I know," she said, and if I hadn't been complete already, those two simple words gave me all the strength I needed. If she believed in me, then it would make it all so much better.


	5. Cut

_I'm not a stranger  
No I am yours  
With crippled anger  
And tears that still drip sore_

_A fragile frame aged  
With misery  
And when our eyes meet  
I know you see_

_By_

_Plumb_

**~* Cut *~**

_**Bella...**_

My head felt like a cotton-mill and my eyes like I'd been diving through a sand-box with my eyes open. Everything hurt, or I felt some sort of discomfort. Arms heavy, legs like jelly and my stomach growled at me viciously. All these things aside I was still the happiest woman in the world. Just as long as I didn't think about the reality of the situation. But, under the circumstances, wouldn't it be fair to let it slide, if just for one night? Didn't we deserve at least a few hours where we felt like this day had never happened?

I thought so, and the sooner we got back to Port Angeles, the better.

At first I had tried protesting, suggesting that staying in La Push might be the better option. What is _she_ showed up again? Weren't the odds more against us in Port Angeles than they were at the reservation? Jacob had refused with a vengeance. He wanted to go home, that's exactly what he'd said. It also had something to do with Billy and Maria. Being around them was a strain on him, and of course I understood.

We got home shortly after dinnertime, and I offered to cook, but Jacob suggested we have pizza delivered. He didn't want me spending time in the kitchen, when he preferred me close, where I belonged. Today had freaked us both out, but there was no doubt, that what I felt was nothing in comparison to what Jacob must be going through. I couldn't imagine what it might be like to lose control of your body. Not in such a way that would push you into the arms of a complete stranger. As much as it had hurt to watch him look at Sophia I'd tried to keep in mind that this wasn't what he wanted, not really.

Then he had sent her away, spoken with his dad, and still, after all the proof he refused to let this get to him. He was willing to dig his heels in, even if it would cause him unfathomable pain, and stay with me. A small, nagging voice inside me had told me not to let him do this to himself, to let him go, release him. I would have, but then he'd choked back all my rational thought, kissing me with such passion that it had left me lightheaded.

On top of it all, while I was at his mercy he'd dropped down to one knee, vulnerable, giving me full access to everything that he was, asking me to be his wife.

I lifted my hand to gaze at the ring on my third finger.

Jacob's hand took mine, linking his fingers with mine and bringing my hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

"I love you," he said, but his voice was so soft and quiet that I had to turn to look at him. While his eyes shone with all the love I still felt radiating from him, his face was off. He smiled, but it was not his usual, bright and cheerful smile. I understood that he was tired; today had not been the average day. I had seen him tired; going to College, working on the house, working at the club, but this went deeper than that, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about him.

Would he be able to handle it all like before? What would it do to him if he found out that he couldn't do his job at the club anymore?

"Stop your brooding, honey," he said and chuckled, rubbing his thumb between my brows. I grinned, swatting his hand away.

"I'm not brooding," I said defensively. "I am just worried about you, you look so tired."

"That's because I _am_ tired."

"Surely you're not going to work tonight?" I gave him a suspicious glance.

He yawned and stretched, pulling me closer. "Have to, honey. I have a loan to pay off, and a house to build." He rolled his eyes when he saw the panic in my eyes, but instead of accusing me of brooding again, he pressed his lips to mine tenderly.

"You know I earn money too, right? And I have quite a bit of savings, after the sale of the apartment in Hano-" the last of my words mashed around his finger as he pressed it to my lips.

"I need to do this, don't take away all my fun. I love that I can give you this."

"You are such a man," I teased.

"That I am," he murmured against my lips, kissing me again. His tongue traced along my bottom-lip, making me tingle allover. I turned in his arms, pulling myself up against his body until I was on top of him, my leg sliding between his.

"I kinda want my man," I mumbled against his warm lips, pressing my leg against him suggestively. He groaned and tightened his arms around me, while his tongue sought out to explore deeper, tangling and sliding against mine in rhythmic motions. His hips pushed against me, and I could feel him, wanting me. Liquid heat pooled in my stomach, and I worked my hands beneath his shirt, exploring his glorious stomach, the muscles tightening beneath my fingers.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" I asked quietly.

"Stop worrying," was his only reply.

Nothing and everything had changed. He still let his hands roam possessively over my body, and he still trembled beneath my hands. But there was a new, gentle tenderness in him that kindled a slow, but growing fire deep within me. It was strange, but I felt more in tune with him tonight than I ever had. Our hands moved slower, we savored each and every touch with a new kind of reverence.

My heart was beating loudly as his hands slid beneath my shirt, kneading my flesh gently, sliding over my breasts, sending tingles skittering across my skin. His hands were everywhere, branding me into the calloused skin of his palms, leaving a trail of goosebumps and fire wherever they went. Piece by piece our clothes were shed, dropping to the floor, draping across the armrests of the sofa where we lay.

His mouth hardly left mine, if only for the briefest of moments to graze along my jaw, or to nip at the sensitive skin on my neck, my earlobe. His tongue darted out to lick and drag along my collarbone, then quickly back to my lips, throbbing and tingling. Briefly I wondered if the way he tasted had changed, or if I was in such a delirium that my senses were heightened. Whatever the cause I couldn't get enough, and I felt like I could kiss him forever, and I would never need anything else for sustenance.

He pulled back suddenly, his eyes glazed over, piercing all the way into my very soul.

"Your taste, I can't believe how sweet you taste, I can't get enough," his lips looked equally swollen as mine, his breaths ragged. Even his breath was more intoxicating than usual.

"I know the feeling," I said breathlessly.

Then his arms came around me and he went to scoop me up, but I felt him trembling as he carried me to the bedroom, causing a wave of guilt to wash over me. But if it bothered him, he didn't let it on. If anything he seemed oblivious to it as he lowered me to the mattress, sliding over me. Again I was hit by guilt as I noticed the drop in his body temperature, his skin was no longer blazing against mine, instead it was just above my own.

"Jake," I whispered as he kissed a trail down my throat, leaving a tingling trail behind. I shivered when his warm lips left my skin and he came up to gaze at me. He must have noticed my wary expression, and his eyebrows pulled together in a frown.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Are you in pain?" I blurted out in a small voice. He blinked his eyes.

"No," he replied without hesitation, "Very much the opposite, I don't know what it is, but there's something about you that's different, I-" he cut himself off, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. "I am not forcing anything, if that's what you're thinking."

"Your skin is not hot, and when you carried me in here you were trembling," I pressed, my guilt beginning to take me over. Frustration crept into his eyes.

"I was trembling, yes, but that's because of how you feel, taste and...," he took my hand, capturing it between his palm and his chest, pressing it gently into his skin. "Feel that?"

I nodded.

His eyes intensified as he parted my thighs with his knees, sliding between them, still keeping my hand trapped to his chest. Holding himself over me, supporting himself on one arm he searched me out, finding me only to push himself inside with one strong thrust. I gasped, watching his eyes glaze over and feeling his heart beating strongly beneath my palm. As he began to move within me he didn't break eye contact, nor did he release me hand.

"Don't you look away from me, honey. Stay with me, and tell me who is making love to you, tell me that I am in pain or that you don't have all of me." His voice was deep and husky, his words demanding, "Tell me," he repeated, softer, his eyes warm and open, full of love. No doubt.

"You are," I gasped as he rocked against me, causing my hips to buck up to meet his.

"God, Bells," he choked out and dropped my hand, his other arm coming down next to me, then his mouth caught mine, his love pouring through me, all around me. My arms came around him, clutching him to me as we began moving together. I drowned in his kisses, in his unfaltering tenderness as we continued to give and take, until there was no telling where one begun or the other ended. We were in such complete synch that I felt we were one. It was overwhelming and tears burned behind my eyelids.

As the warmth coiled and built deep within my core I couldn't think of any time we had made love thus far where we had fit together so perfectly. In a way it felt like the first time all over again. Yet this was so different, and whereas his decreased heat had caused concern, I now reveled in it.

A tremor rolled through me, the pit of my stomach bunching up and knotting in a sweet ache, making me gasp for breath.

"Tell me you feel me," he demanded in a hoarse whisper. I dug my fingernails into his back as I felt everything centering within me, tingling and aching until I arched into him. I felt him deep within me, tensing, throbbing. The sensation of it sent me into an earth shattering release and I cried out his name, tears springing from my eyes. His warm, soft hands captured my face, and he searched my face, whatever he wanted to communicate flowed through his eyes, lodging deep within me. He was mine. That's all I knew.

"You're mine," I breathed out, and his lips crushed against mine one more time as he buried himself within me, letting go and reaching his own release. He collapsed on top of me, but his lips did not relent, nor did I stop answering him.

I don't know how long we stayed like this, tangled up in each other, our lips and tongues touching and caressing, until Jacob's alarm went off, telling us it was time to let go.

He pulled back, stroking my face softly, a tender smile on his lips.

"I can't wait until I can watch you walking down the isle to be my wife," he mused, his thumb brushing across my lips. "Or the day when you will tell me that you are pregnant with my child."

My breath caught and I gazed at him in wonder. But he didn't stop at that.

"We will grow old together, Bells, I promise you that now. If I was certain before that we belonged together, now I know it without a shadow of a doubt. You and me, honey, we are the ones who will break the mold. Trust me." He pressed his lips against my forehead before rolling out of bed.

I watched after him with a smile on my lips. The exhaustion set in and all I remember before succumbing to sleep was Jacob's face hovering above mine as he stroked my hair, ghosting his warm lips over mine before he left for work.

Something woke me, and suddenly I was sitting up in bed, a cold sweat covering my entire body. There was a knot in my stomach, weighing heavily like a lump of cold iron. Quickly I got out of bed, wide awake now, and plodded to the bathroom to have a shower.

After I had dressed in sweats and a tee I checked the time.

_05:43 am_

Dread washed over me. Jacob should have been home by now, the club closed at 4 am, and he had never been later than 4.30. I went to my purse and fished out my phone, checking for messages or missed phone calls. A cold chill ran down my spine when I saw 15 unanswered calls and 5 messages.

None of them were from Jacob. They were all from Jonathan. What was going on? With trembling fingers I went through the messages.

_1st Message. 01:13_

_**Have you heard from Jacob? Sophia is  
missing and she won't answer her phone,  
neither will Jacob.**_

_2nd Message 01:22_

_**Wake up, sleeping beauty. I need  
your help.**_

_3rd Message 01:46_

_**Driving around, looking. No answer  
from either of them. Any news?**_

_4th Message 02:39_

_**Found her! Sophia and me are at  
Jacob's work.**_

I nearly dropped my phone, and my heart fell into my stomach. I fumbled for the last message, not knowing if I dared to look at it.

_5th Message 05:22_

_**We are outside the club. Sophia says  
he is still in there. I think you should  
come here.  
Have you heard from him yet?  
Come on, Bella, answer.**_

I flew up, my phone clattering to the floor, darting toward the door and yanking my jacket and sneakers on as I hopped back to grab my phone. If I was going to have to run all the way downtown, then so be it.

And that's exactly what I did. A few midnight strollers gaped after me as I sped past them like I had the devil on my heels. I didn't care what I looked like, or that the frost in the air bit my cheeks and burned my throat as I pushed myself forward.

By the time I rounded the corner and the club came into view I saw Jonathan's truck parked on the curb, and I could hear raised voices. I rounded the club, coming to a full stop in the parking lot at the back entrance.

"It's what you always do, isn't it? How often didn't I wait for you, and you never showed up. You have some nerve, Soph!" Jonathan was in a frazzled state, and I stared at his livid face in shock. He whirled on me, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"Where is he?" I rasped out, bending down to support myself against my knees as I gasped for air.

"You _ran_ here?" His voice was incredulous, amused, shocked.

I held my finger up in a request to catch my breath.

"Your boyfriend is one messed up man," came Sophia's accusing voice.

Jonathan boomed with laughter. "Please," he chortled. "Don't even go there. You are so far out of your depth it's laughable."

I tilted my head up to stare at them both.

"Will someone-" I inhaled more air, "What's going on? Why is Jake still in there?"

"I went to the club for a drink, then I spotted Jacob, and thought I would say 'hello'. as I made my way over to him he looked like he'd seen a ghost, then he disappeared-"

"Don't lie," Jonathan warned, rolling his eyes at her.

"You didn't see!" she snapped.

"Yes, I did—see these," he pointed to his eyes, "I can see, so stop your delusions. You followed him."

"I didn't get to that part yet," she shot back at him defensively.

"You were going to skip that part, I know you. You lie, and you cheat, and you play games. That is who you are, and that is who _I_ have become. Don't try to cheat a cheater, Soph. I know you all too well." Jonathan turned to me. "I don't know what happened, the only one who knows is her," he waved at her dismissively, "And Jacob. But don't expect to get an honest answer from her, she can't help herself."

My head snapped to stare at her.

"What did you do?" I asked evenly, my breathing having settled.

She stared back, her lips pursed. "Nothing, I didn't do anything!"

"Jacob has never been late from work, and he always calls if something comes up, unless-"

"Unless, what?" she retorted.

"You tell me." I refused to budge. I wasn't going to shift my eyes. If she was a liar, I was going to drag it out of her.

"It's not my problem if your boyfriend doesn't know what he wants," she finally said, her eyes averting from mine. I knew it. She didn't need to tell me. Something had happened between them, and now Jacob was hiding from me. Thoughts were useless, so I just acted on what I felt. In a few calculated steps I had darted across the lot, pushing her into the brick-wall, her head hitting it and making her cry out. I held here there, my hands shaking with anger.

"He knows exactly what he wants, and it isn't you!" I hissed. "Tell me exactly, what happened, or so help me God I will rip your tongue out of your head!"

Her smile was cold, calculating. "Didn't seem like that when he had his tongue down my throat," she said silkily.

My fist balled up and I hit her. A sharp pain cut through my hand, and I jumped back.

"Son of a bitch!" I cursed, dancing around with my hand clutched to my chest.

Arms caught me, and Jonathan's concerned yet bemused voice cut through the pain.

"Very impressive move, but I'm not sure it was so smart. Here," he grasped my wrist gently, but firmly. "Let me look—ouch." He winced and shook his head, giving me a soft smile. "You sure packed a punch, sweetie."

"Yeah, take a look at my face why don't you. You broke my nose, you—you-" Her words were cut off by sobs.

"You'll live, Soph," Jonathan said nonchalantly.

I needed to try and call Jacob, he had to answer. So, they had kissed—I could deal with that, it wasn't so bad. What was a kiss? I dug my phone up with my left hand, flipping the face open and dialing his number awkwardly.

It rang. And rang. But he didn't pick up, then it went to voice-mail. I dialed the number again, waiting. By the fourth attempt tears were streaming down my face. Jonathan took the phone from me, ushering me to his car.

"Sit down, I will try and get to him, okay?" His eyes searched mine, asking me to trust him. I just nodded. Who else could I trust? What choice did I have? I couldn't stand there all morning, calling and crying, getting sick. And, God, it was freezing. Jonathan closed the door, coming around to turn on the ignition for me to get the heaters going. "I'll be back. And don't worry; he loves you, she's got nothing on you." His eyes were sincere, and as much as I knew that Jacob loved me, I couldn't dispel the dread that had firmly taken up residence in my chest.

She was nothing. I was everything. Nothing to worry about. He had asked me to marry him, he wanted me to have his children. What else could I possibly ask for?

_Set him free._

I shook my head free of all thoughts and turned to watch Jonathan as he stood there, his phone in hand. Maybe Jacob would talk to him, eventually? But why would he lock himself inside at work, it didn't make any sense to me. What could be so horrible that he couldn't talk to me? Nothing, not even yesterday's events could give me an answer as to why he would hide. Ultimately, Jacob wasn't a coward. He was strong, and so was his heart. He always did the right thing by me. He always did _something._ He _never_ gave up. I didn't think he even knew how to give up.

Unless he thought he had lost me. But, why would he think that? Surely he knew that no matter what, I would be here for him. Or-

I got out of the car, stalking past Jonathan who called out to me, but I ignored him. Sophia looked up at me from where she sat, cradling her bloody nose. I stared at her in disgust, then I turned to the door. I used my left hand, and started banging on it.

"Jake!" I yelled. "Come out! I don't care what happened, just please, come out!"

"Someone will call the police if you keep hollering like that," Sophia muttered through her clattering teeth.

"Let them. Maybe they will lock you up," I snapped, then I continued banging on the door.

"Bella," Jonathan came up behind me. "This isn't helping anything. I think that maybe, if you just leave him be he will come out. Give him some space."

"No!" I protested.

"You're so stupid," snapped Sophia, and I shot her a hateful glare.

"Why don't you just leave? Why are you still here? Can't you see that you're just a waste of space. What makes you think that you're of any use here, besides to fuck things up!" I shouted at her.

"Come on." Jonathan tried to pull me away from the door, but I shoved against him.

"Go on then, both of you. _Leave._ If it weren't for you two, none of this would have happened. If you want to give up, then that's your problem, but _I'm_ staying. Even if I have to sit here and freeze to death!" I was so angry. Couldn't they just leave? I slumped against the door, sliding down, feeling everything rolling off me in waves.

Come on Jake, don't give up. Don't let me give up. What was I supposed to do?

"You are something, aren't you." He scooped me up, holding me to him. I was spent. Jacob must have given up, why wouldn't he? Ultimately, should I really expect him to end up a cripple for my sake? No. He had proven himself, time and time again. No one could love as strongly as he did, but there was a limit for everyone. Not even Jacob could fight a force of nature. He had fought my darkness, when I had been blinded. But now it was time to face reality. This was something that neither of us could help. We were never meant to.

We were meant to be together, sure; in a world where monsters and fairytales didn't exist. This wasn't that world. Monsters did exist, and nature fought back in her own way. Jacob was a part of that, and I _couldn't_ be. There was a purpose here, of that I was certain, but mine wasn't at his side. As much as it broke every part of me that I thought had held a purpose, I would just have to accept this now. It was over.

I felt numbness take over as I let it all sink in, and Jonathan carried me back to his car. He set me down gently on the seat, stroking my messy hair out of my face.

"Hang in there, sweetie. He will come back to you."

I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "It's over. We have fought for years, Jon, you don't understand. I know that it's over. Jacob would have fought back by now, called, come out—anything, but since he hasn't, that tells me that he has given up. You saw Billy, do you honestly believe that I want that for him?" I looked up at Jonathan's face through the hazy blur that surrounded me.

"Jonathan!" Sophia's high pitch screech brought our heads in her direction. The door had opened, and Jacob was leaning against it, his face turned her way.

"Why are you still here?" I heard him ask, his voice off. "And what the hell happened to your nose?"

"Oh boy." Jonathan turned and walked swiftly over to them. Just as he got there I watched in horror as Jacob just stumbled forward, Jonathan catching him before he hit the ground. What was wrong with him? I nearly jumped out of the truck, but then I remembered Billy, and everything I had just said. So I forced myself to stay put. It hurt, and I wanted to forget everything I'd thought and said about me and Jacob being over, but as I continued watching, seeing his limp body in Jonathan's arms I slumped back in my seat, expelling my breath. This wasn't my fight anymore.

Sophia was hovering over him now, and I kept reminding myself that this was supposed to be. In this world, nature had picked her for him.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked Jonathan.

"Bella!" Jonathan called out and looked at me. Then he waved his hand for me to come. No. I had caused him enough pain. No more. "Bella! He is asking for you!"

My heart ached. Even now, beaten and kicked he still asked for me. I had to tell him to stop, this _had to stop_. He couldn't do this to himself. If anyone could set him free, it was me. So I slid out of my seat and walked over to them slowly.

As I drew closer Jonathan looked up at me in alarm. "He is cold, I think he needs to go to a hospital."

"Of course he's cold, it's freezing out here you fool," Sophia spat. "Get him into the car and crank the heaters."

"Bells?"

He sounded so weak—God!

"Jake!" I cried and threw myself down on the ground, placing my left hand on his cheek. "Holy cow, Jake. You're freezing!" I gasped. "You need to stop this, right now! Do you hear me? I'm not doing this anymore. If you think that I am going to watch you kill yourself for me, then you are more stupid than I thought. Let it go. All I care about is that you live, and—well, just live!" I demanded, holding back on my tears and my pain.

"It's over," he said, barely audible. Well, thank God! My heart was breaking but at the same time I felt relief.

"I know, Jake. It's okay."

Half a smile curled the corner of his mouth. "You're so thick," he told me with humor, shattering yet another part of my sanity and my heart. "Take me home, please," he demanded.

"Sure thing, Jacob. Where to?" Jonathan asked with a smirk on his face.

"I only have one home," he clarified. "Just do it quick, it's fucking freezing out here."

Jonathan rolled his eyes. "Well, no kidding. There's frost everywhere." Then he threw one of Jacob's arms around his neck, pulling him up. "All right. Let's go, big boy," he said in a strained voice, struggling with Jacob's weight, and started walking him toward the Guardian. "Get in and get the heaters going," he told me, tossing me the keys. To my ultimate shock and surprise I caught them with my left hand. Me, the klutz who used to stumble over my own two feet.

I unlocked my car and slid into the driver's seat, starting the engine and turning the heaters to max. It shouldn't take too long to get the warmth going.

"Um, we might have a bit of a problem. I can't drive with my right hand all banged up," I said and shook my swollen right hand at Jonathan just as Jacob slid into the seat, slumping back against the backrest.

"What did you do to your hand, honey," Jacob asked me groggily. That's when it hit me; the strong smell of alcohol. I stared at him, unbelieving.

"Jacob Black," I gasped, "Have you been drinking?"

"Yeeep," he drawled, popping his 'p'.

"I told you he was messed up," came Sophia's smug voice.

"I'm fine now, but no thanks to you," Jacob slurred, turning in her direction. "You're the one that's messed up."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring them. "How much did you drink?" I asked him.

"Quite a bit. I'm sorry, but I think I'm gonna lose a bit on my next paycheck, honey."

How he kept insisting on calling me that made me blink furiously at the tears threatening to make an appearance. When I turned to look at him, he was grinning at me, then, when he saw my poor attempts at hiding my tears he reached out his hand, missing a few times before he finally touched my face. How many times in 24 hours can your heart break without shattering into smithereens?

"Jake," I protested.

"Bells, don't cry. Everything's gonna be okay. Remember what I told you before I left for work?" I stared at him in disbelief. Was he for real? Had my delusions rubbed off on him? And he had the gall to call me thick? God, he was so dense sometimes.

"I think-" I began, but his finger and thumb pinched my lips together.

"Shh—don't think. Thinking is overrated." He offered me his heartbreaking, Jacob-smile and I thought I would die.

"I agree. See; alcohol does have its perks." Jonathan flashed me a triumphant smile.

"You're still in major trouble, Jon, I'm so gonna kick the crap out of you."

Jonathan cocked an eyebrow, then he grinned. "Sure thing, duel at dawn, the winner takes home the damsel in distress?"

"If it wasn't for the fact that you're in love with my fiancé I might actually like you," he slurred, slapping his hand limply against Jonathan's face.

"Hmm. Okay. I think someone's had too much." He removed Jacob's hand from his face, offering me an apologetic look. I stared at him in surprise, then turned back to Jacob.

"Let's get you home. Okay, Jake?" I couldn't think about anything right now, besides getting Jacob into bed so he could warm up.

"Sounds good to me, Bells."

"I can't believe I am gonna ask this," I muttered under my breath, then I turned to peek up at Sophia who was looking at Jacob, amused. "Sophia," I asked, "Can you drive us home?" She looked at me in surprise.

"Okay, then."

"Thank you," I said sincerely, moving out of the seat to get into the back. "Jon, can you follow us? Make sure she doesn't kidnap us, or something?"

He chuckled. "At your service, madam."

"Stop that," Jacob said sleepily.

"You're just jealous of my manners," Jonathan patted Jacob's shoulder, then he shut the door, coming around to close my door for me. I gave him a genuine smile.

Sophia jumped into the driver's seat, and I watched Jonathan walk over to close the door to the back entrance of the club before he waved us off as he got into his truck.

The trip to our apartment was quiet, apart from me giving Sophia directions. Luckily it was a short drive, but long enough for Jacob to fall asleep. His head had lolled to one side, his jaw slack and he snored loudly. Both me and Sophia jumped when the car stopped and Jacob's head snapped up, making a choking sound in the back of his throat in the process.

Jonathan and Sophia had to combine their efforts to help Jacob, who was barely able to put one foot in front of the other. They walked him through the apartment and sat him down on the edge of the bed, where he fell back. On the way out of the bedroom we could hear as the snoring-marathon picked up where he had left off.

"If he is going to continue drinking, he needs a lesson in when enough is enough," Jonathan pointed out.

"I hope it's a one-time thing," I muttered. How he even managed to get drunk was another story, which I'd be asking him about when he woke up.

"Well, we'll get out of your hair. I hope he recovers. If you need any help, just call. And put some ice on that hand of yours."

I nodded at him. "Will do. Thanks for all the help tonight. Even you, Sophia," I turned to her. "And, um, sorry about your nose," I said apologetically.

"As Jon said, I'll live. Don't worry about it. Sorry for what I said about your boyfriend. I guess I am a liar," she offered reluctantly.

That brought me up short. "What?"

"The whole 'tongue down my throat'-part. He didn't touch me."

I blinked at her, dumbstruck. Nothing had happened? "What?" I repeated, not sure I had understood her correctly.

"I did follow him," she admitted, "But when I came to where he was, he got so mad at me that I thought he would throw something. Then he started digging around on the shelves, going all crazy like, and asked me to have a drink with him, and I agreed." She looked me straight in the eye and took a deep breath. "He told me about what had happened, and about imprinting and God knows what kind of weird stuff. By the time he was finished my head was spinning and the only thing I can remember was that he said imprinting sucks, and that there was only one woman for him." She glanced at Jonathan whose eyes were on me the whole time. "But that's when things got weird. He started shaking, and first he threw up, which was pretty gross, then he started freaking out about phasing or something. Next thing I knew he just—collapsed. I tried to shake him awake, and when his eyes finally opened I was so happy he was okay that I tried to kiss him," she paused, inhaling again, while I held my breath. "But he stopped me. After that he started laughing, and pretty much lost it. Beyond that he didn't make any sense at all. You'll have to ask him in the morning to confirm my version. I'm sure I might have missed something. Anyhow, I am sorry I said he kissed me. Just wishful thinking on my part, I guess." Her shoulders slumped and I expelled my breath, feeling emotionally drained.

"Wow, Soph. I'm impressed. You had a wasted guy at your disposal and you didn't trick him into sleeping with you."

She shot him a sharp look. "He didn't want anything to do with me, he wasn't even interested in me, he barely looked at me, except after he had collapsed. Oh-" she turned back to me. "He did keep going on about you a lot, though. Bella this, and Bella that." She rolled her eyes, and Jonathan matched her eye-rolling.

"Well, that's nothing new," he said, smirking. "Let's go, Soph. Bella looks like she's about to fall asleep on her feet." He winked at me as he ushered Sophia in front of him toward the door. "Sleep tight." He pushed Sophia out the door and closed it after them.

The moment they were gone I collapsed against the wall, and slid down in a heap on the floor, completely and utterly sucked dry. Jacob's snoring reverberated through the apartment and I wondered if the neighbors would complain. It was Sunday morning after all.

I looked at the time, _08:31._ Even if I had slept it felt like I had been awake for two days. Whatever rest I had gotten hadn't been anywhere near enough to make up for all that had been drained from me. I said a silent prayer that today would be calm, I couldn't handle anymore. Since tomorrow was Monday it meant that I had work, which meant dealing with my students. It could be challenging enough on its own. It hadn't been too much, far from it, but up until this weekend life had been fairly calm. The most trouble I would get had been from Jonathan.

What Jacob had suggested seemed ridiculous. I couldn't even think that Jonathan would like me, let alone that he would be _in love_ with me.

"God," I groaned loudly, holding my head.

Going back to bed was out of the question, so I ended up cleaning the whole apartment, popping my iPod on that I had bought for running. It was the only thing that could drown out Jacob's chainsaw massacre. It was almost scary, because I felt constantly under compulsion to run and check on him each time it stopped. But the moment I would take a few steps toward the bedroom it erupted again.

By the time lunch came around I had even managed to get a load of washing out of the way too. I felt proud. Something was accomplished, something worked the way I expected it to. Predictable things were my only comfort right now, and if that meant engaging in a menial task such as housework and the likes I welcomed it with open arms.

Not knowing when Jacob would wake, and not wanting to wake him I just decided that I'd throw together a pasta salad. Food reminded me that we had accepted Leah's invitation for dinner today. The thought of going down to La Push again made my head spin and I decided to call her to cancel. Under the circumstances I was sure she would understand.

I told her that we would see her next weekend, but we didn't decide on anything. Not knowing yet how I was going to deal with everything, or where we would go from here I thought it best not to make any plans. There were so many things that needed to be discussed, but most important of all was that I had to make Jacob see that I wouldn't let him fight against what had happened. I knew he had an aversion to it, and he was stubborn and proud. If he would continue to struggle, grow weak, and eventually end up like his dad it would break my heart. I couldn't let that happen.

After I had made the salad I put the bowl in the fridge and decided to clean the shower and the toilet while I was on a roll.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I got off my knees, having finished scrubbing the toilet. Jacob was standing in the doorway, leaning against it with a huge grin on his face. He looked so—I closed my mouth, realizing it had been hanging open when my mouth started feeling dry.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Had the past 24 hours been a dream?

"It's afternoon," I said and pointed to the clock on the counter, still staring at him. There was not one sign of fatigue in his face. His skin was glowing, and his eyes were alive with amusement as he continued to grin at me.

"I know what time it is, honey," he said and pushed away from the doorway, reaching down to pull me up, folding me into his chest.

"Jake," I complained, "I'm wearing gloves that's been in the toilet."

He shrugged and pressed his lips into my hair. "My arms missed you, and so did I," he mumbled.

"Are you hungry? I made some pasta salad, I know it's not much but-"

"It's fine. I'll go set the table while you remove those gloves."

I watched him walk into the kitchen, taking in everything, trying to look for signs of any change, weakness, anything. It made me feel paranoid and I shoved at the rubber gloves, peeling them off to wash my hands.

"I called Leah and canceled today's dinner," I said as I sat down by the table, eying his plate skeptically. "Aren't you gonna eat more than that?" I asked and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why did you do that?" He asked, ignoring my question about his scant portion.

I bit my lip. "I just thought that with everything that's happened..."

"Bella," he said, his tone suddenly serious. "About last night-"

"Don't. Not yet. Please," I pleaded, looking down at my salad.

He put a finger under my chin, tilting my head back up so he could look at me. I didn't expect that he would smile, but he did, which disarmed me.

"You don't understand," he started, softly. "Last night something happened, and it's over now." His smile widened, as if whatever he was talking about was the greatest thing in the world. But he was right about one thing; I didn't understand, at all. My puzzled expression made him continue. "I don't know exactly what happened, or _how_. But," he scooped up some salad on his fork and popped it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully then swallowing. "Wolves can't get drunk. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Well, I got fucking hammered last night," he quipped proudly, the huge grin back on his face. I frowned at him but he ignored it. He wasn't finished yet. "But that's not all, check this out-" he rolled up his sleeve, showing me a bruise on his arm, then he pulled his shirt up, showing me another shadow across his chest. Admittedly, it distracted me slightly, I couldn't help it. Jacob's body was beautiful, with or without bruises. "Honey, I'm not giving you a striptease here." My attention snapped up to his face, and he rolled his eyes.

"Okay, so you have bruises. It's not the first time I've seen you covered in them, Jake."

"A trouble-maker at the club gave me that," he said meaningfully.

"Oh." So he was getting weaker, super-fast. I winced.

"Stop fighting it," I blurted. "I don't want you to fight it anymore."

He banged his fist on the table. "Goddammit, Bella. There is nothing to fight anymore, don't you get it? It's over! I fought it right out of me. It's gone. The wolf is gone, the imprint. It's just me!"

The only thing I could feel was the pounding of my heart as I stared at him, not able to process what he was saying. He shot up from the table, rounding it, and pulled my chair to face him before he dropped to his knees in front of me.

"I have this theory," he started, his eyes alight with fire and purpose. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember, and I have fought for you for so damn long, that everything in my life has been about you. When you finally came back to me I started planning everything, our whole life, thinking about how many kids you'd let me have with you. So many things." He took my hand and placed it, palm down, over his heart. "Our people are all about one thing—family. The wolves are supposed to protect that, not tear it apart." His jaw clenched, and for a moment I thought he was in pain, but he continued.

"When I imprinted, it literally tore me apart, Bells. You've got no idea; the pain I felt—it was killing me. I told you last night that we were gonna break the mold, and we did. My love for you was too strong, the imprinting couldn't co-exist with that, so he left. The wolf left me last night at the club when Sophia came in. He wanted her, but I didn't. Everyone were impressed with my control right from the start, my control of the wolf. The strength of our people is not only the spirit of the wolf, though, it's the spirit of family, Bella." He reached out and brushed the tears away from my face.

"But, what about Billy?" I whispered, barely able to speak at all.

"It's not my dad's fault that mom died." He sighed. "Not Maria's either. And I'm not saying that he didn't love mom enough, but it just wasn't what you and me have. We all have our purposes, mine is to be with you, Bells. And yours is to be with me. I guess mom and dad-" he didn't finish it, instead he wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my chest.

Jacob's theory had stunned me into silence, so all I could do was to hold him, my fingers lacing through his hair. It had gotten longer lately. Strange how the first thing to hit me was that he could grow out his hair again. The thought made me smile like crazy. I remember how I'd loved his beautiful, long hair.

"Will you let your hair grow back?" I heard myself ask, and his arms tightened around me.

"Anything you want, honey," he mumbled into my chest.

"Kiss me," I whispered.

He pulled back, grinning from ear to ear. "Your wish is my command." He winked and cupped my face in his hands, leaning in so that his lips could capture mine in a fiery kiss.


	6. What Have You Done

_I've been waiting for someone like you  
But now you are slipping away  
(What have you done now?)  
Why? Why does Fate make us suffer?  
There's a curse between us  
Between me and you_

_By  
Within Temptation_

**~* What Have You Done Now *~**

_**Jacob...**_

Convincing Bella of something was no small feat. I'd known it years ago, but one might think that as time goes on she would get the hint. Now she couldn't deny it, though. If she ever questioned my love for her again I swear I'd freak out and bust a vein; Charlie-style.

While Bella cleared the table I called Leah and reinstated our dinner, what was the purpose of canceling? I was fine now–more than fine, I was great. Some might disagree though; my head was pounding, my stomach felt like it was gonna crawl out my ass and my body ached like I'd been bitch-slapped by an elephant on steroids. It wasn't pleasant, but it still made me grin like an idiot, and I couldn't stop. It all paled in comparison when I made myself think about Sophia, and felt nothing.

Last night had been like a trip to hell and back, and for a moment I'd been considering murder. Not seriously, but it had been a tempting thought. Of course I would've had to hire someone, because obviously I wouldn't have been able to harm one hair on her head. It had been one of the many side effects of the insanity I'd felt every moment since my wolf had imprinted on her.

Luce, the bartender from hell, had asked me time and time again if I was coming down with something, even touching my forehead, searching for a fever because I was perspiring like a pig trying to run a marathon.

It had been a struggle to get rid of the asswipe that kept hassling the girls at the club, trying to get him to move outside. I'd managed, using whatever ounce of strength I had left to drag him out the door. He'd thrown punches, absolutely kicking the shit out of me, but I'd gritted my teeth and dealt with it. Today I carried the reminders, which I'd thought would spark a hint in Bella's mind. But damn she was so thick sometimes.

Sophia had kept looking at me, while I'd ignored her. Okay, so I'd _tried _to, but of course the wolf in me had tortured me, stealing everything from me as a punishment. What a fucking sadist. By the end of the night I'd been holding a constant inner dialogue, ranting and raving like a mental hospital escapee, cursing him to hell. I suppose it was no wonder he left me. As happy as I was to have my body back, I knew that I'd probably have to pay for this. As far as I knew, what I'd just managed to accomplished had never been done before. Of course you could give up the wolf, but it took months and months. I'd done it in less than two days. Although I wondered if he'd been retreating already.

Since I found out about my brother and I'd moved in with Bella I hadn't phased. That was over three months ago, so maybe it had something to do with that too. But it's not like I had made a decision to give it up, I just hadn't felt like phasing. Leah was giving hers up, Seth hung out with Quil and Embry. There was the house-building, which we all did together, but it wasn't as a pack, we did it as friends, as family. In truth, life lately had been like going back to normal. There hadn't been any leeches around since the Cullens had left Forks.

Now there was a disturbing thought. How the hell was I supposed to protect her now? Just because there were no vamps around right now, there could be. After all, the world wasn't exactly right, it was one hell of a messed up place, and up until now I hadn't paid any attention to it. I'd been nature's natural protector against it all, so there had been no reason to worry about it. If a leech had decided to show up I would have been ready to kick ass.

I let that simmer around in my brain while I showered and brushed my teeth.

Bella called out from the kitchen that she had forgotten to buy something from the shop the other day and she was out the door before I could stop her. I rolled my eyes, then went back to inspecting and poking my body. The funny thing was that physically I didn't feel any different than a week ago, apart from the hang-over, but that was a given. It nagged me to no end and I had to find out just how weak I was now. The wolf had made me strong, so if he was gone there would be things I couldn't do anymore, apart from the obvious.

Glad that Bella had gone out for a minute so she wouldn't witness what I was about to do I went into the living room and dropped down, throwing myself into a round of push-ups. To say I felt stupid would be an understatement, but come on, I wanted to know exactly what else I had given up, besides a lifetime of worshiping a nutcase. Yeah, as I had come to find out last night, Sophia was in no mild terms, fucked up.

Even if she'd appeared afraid of me she'd been in my face the whole time, or, she had tried to while I'd fought, like the animal I was, to not touch her. In my head I'd questioned why my wolf had decided on her, out of all woman that I'd come across. It made little sense, but it wasn't my problem anymore. He was gone, and with him the pull toward Sophia.

_Fifty-three, fifty-four, fifty-five-_

"Well, this isn't going anywhere," I muttered. So, obviously I had a bit of go in me still. My body flooded with warmth as I pushed off the floor. _Whoa_. Head-rush. I swayed, blinking against the shooting stars in my vision.

I'd barely broken a sweat, but enough to quickly put myself through the shower again before Bella got back and questioned me.

Maybe it took a while for it all to go away? I could deal with that, hell, why was I even thinking about this? Wasn't the main thing here that I could be with Bella? Shit, I'd be able to grow old with her. That realization alone dazed me. So many benefits.

Bella came back just as I had gotten my clothes back on, standing at the tap and throwing back a glass of water. She flashed me a quick smile while moving around the kitchen, putting a few things away. I watched her in her sweats and tee, finding myself staring at her ass. God, she was sexy.

"We're going down to La Push," I said, licking my lips as I moved toward her. "But first-" I turned her and pushed her up against the fridge, eliciting a surprised gasp from her before I covered her mouth with my own. She was quick to catch on and her hands came up to tangle in my hair, then she flinched. Instantly I pulled back, wondering if she'd gotten hurt. I hadn't been that rough, had I?

She laughed when she took in my expression. "My hand," she muttered before pulling me back to her.

Well, thank God for that.

Can't say I could complain about how warm she felt, in fact it was getting me all riled up again, the pit of my stomach bunching up when I grabbed her ass to clutch her to me.

I groaned. "Damn you feel good," I murmured and hitched her up against me. She wrapped her legs around my waist and the heat from her jolted through me like a burst of flame. A growl rumbled in my chest, shocking the both of us.

"Did you just growl?" she asked, breathless, her face flushed. I blinked then flashed her a sheepish grin.

"Old habits die hard," I offered before returning to her sweet mouth.

My tongue battled with hers as I carried her to the bedroom and lowered us both to the bed. Desire was coursing through my veins and I ached with the need to bury myself within her warm body. Our hands moved in a frenzy to shed the fabric separating us and I reveled in her taste _and_ scent. I could still smell her, thank God. Not many things could top the way she smelled when she wanted me. It made me dizzy and I trembled all over as she let me slide between her thighs.

"Please," she begged and lifted her hips toward me. "I need you."

And I needed her too, so badly it was driving me over the edge of reason.

When I started to push myself inside her I thought I would burst into flames, and the further I went, the harder it became to hold my weight off her body. Holy shit she was so damn warm. I finally had buried myself deeply within her and my eyes were rolling back in my head when she tightened herself around me.

I drew in a shaky breath, forcing my lids open to look at her. "You feel fucking amazing," I whispered, kissing her lips, her jaw, her neck. My tongue darted out to taste her and I drew her soft skin into my mouth. Was it possible to feel more desire for her than I already had?

The lids were heavy over her smoldering eyes when I came back up to watch her as I started moving within her. Her moans and whimpers tangled in my mushy brain and sent heat through my body. I continued to push myself inside her, only getting more carried away when she matched my moves, clutching at me and raking her fingernails over my back.

Making love to her had always set me on fire, but now, as I felt the pressure build I could feel a rush of heat through my veins, igniting something within me that nearly burned my heart and radiated out into my limbs. I was sure she felt it too because she was getting rougher, bolder, louder, begging and pleading between moans and whimpers, for what I don't know. I couldn't think, nor did I want to. All I wanted was to be consumed by whatever she was doing to me.

When she cried out her release, clamping down on me I plunged into her, grabbing her hips almost violently as I came inside her. I was still clutching her to me as the tremors rocked through me, sending my head into one hell of a spin. It took all of me to not collapse on top of her.

"Wow," she gasped.

"Yeah," I breathed out, pulling her with me as I rolled, not trusting my arms to hold me off her any longer. "You blew me right out the water, honey," I said reverently, gazing at her like the lovesick fool that I was. I might as well have died and gone to heaven, because I swear, as corny as it sounds, that's what had just happened.

"You're hot," she whispered.

I smirked. "Thanks, so are you," I replied and winked.

Her eyes rolled, and she groaned. "I meant that you're really warm."

"Well, honey," I reached up and brushed her wild hair out of her face. "I just made love to you, and it was great, beyond great, so of course I'm a bit worked up." I took her hand and placed it over my pounding heart. "I've never felt so alive," I told her honestly.

"I have to agree," she admitted, kissing me softly before looking down. "I was afraid you wouldn't be able to, you know—make love to me the way I'm used to." Her eyes focused on my chest and I chuckled.

"I think this was beyond what we're both used to, Bells." And it was. Most obvious part was how warm she was, but the flames that were still radiating throughout my whole body and the slow fire in my heart was something I couldn't remember having felt before, at least not to the point where it was burning me.

She smiled and dropped her cheek to my chest. "Now, what did you say about going to La Push?"

Oh right. "Yeah, I called Leah. We're back on for dinner."

Bella lifted her head and gave me a suspicious look. "You're up for that?"

I growled and rolled her over, pinning her hands above her head. "Do I need to show you again that I am _perfectly healthy_?" She drew in a sharp breath and bit her lip, then her eyes came alive and she nudged her thigh between my legs, making my jaw clench. "Goddammit," I hissed, feeling something else come alive. "You're dangerous," I growled and crushed my lips against hers.

We ended up being late for dinner. Go figure.

_**Bella...**_

When I got to work on Monday morning I was elated and tired, but in such a good mood I thought it might be almost criminal. My body was sore too, every part of me ached. He had told me he would teach me for being such a skeptic. Not only had we been one hour late for dinner at Leah's place, but on our way back home he had made me pull over, to give me another lesson, only to continue when we came home. A blush crept into my cheeks as I thought about all the places we had made love in our apartment last night. If I'd been worried that he wouldn't have the stamina to live the life he'd done as a wolf then it had all been erased, piece by piece, as he'd made me cry out for him, over and over, until _I _had finally passed out from exhaustion. The icing on the cake, or was it to my great detriment in regards to having energy for my work, I didn't know, but he had woken me up one hour before my alarm went off, sending my body into violent trembles of pleasure before he finally let me go.

"Ms. Swan?"

I blinked and stared at the blackboard, my hand having frozen mid sentence. I flushed and excused myself, focusing at the task at hand.

"Yes, I'm sorry about that—as I was saying-"

The door opened and one of my fellow teachers, Mr Langley poked his head inside the room.

"Ms Swan, you have a phone call."

"Who is it?"

He pushed his glasses up and eyed the note in his hand. "Ah—a Ms Rogers," he answered, "It seems urgent." He looked at me apologetically as I scanned the room.

"If you'll just excuse me for a moment." I put the chalk down and went to the teachers' lunch room. When I picked up the phone Sophia's sobs greeted me.

"Sophia? What's wrong?" How had she gotten my work number? Better question might be why she was calling me at all?

"I called your phone many times but when you didn't answer I remembered Jon telling me that you worked at the Peninsula College, so I looked it up in the phone book. I'm sorry for disturbing you, but I didn't know who else to call." I was lucky to get any clarity at all between her sobs and sniffles.

"Calm down," I ordered gently. Had something happened? All sorts of things were running through my head. "Tell me what's wrong."

She started crying again, then she wailed. "Jon pushed me!" The way she blurted it out sounded like a child telling its mom that her big bad brother had done something naughty. I rubbed my forehead, closing my eyes. This woman fooled people and played games, I reminded myself, and the thought that Jon would hurt her was just absurd. Although she did sound quite torn up about it.

"Sophia, I don't know what it is you want me to do about it. Is he there?"

"No," she blubbered, blowing her nose. "He took off, he was so angry with me. I didn't mean to be so pushy. I swear, I just want to make things right again." She was making no sense.

"What happened?" I asked, trying to control my growing annoyance. I couldn't stand here and be her shoulder to cry on when I had class.

"Nothing really," she said, sobering up to launch herself into an explanation. I steeled myself, looking at the time and started pacing back and forth. "I guess I just started dragging up the past, trying to apologize. He told me to leave it be, but I have so many regrets-" she paused, blowing her nose again. I groaned inwardly. "Anyway, to cut a long story short; in the end he started yelling at me, swearing and then he pushed me into his liquor-cabinet. He didn't even stay to help me, he just ran out."

I took a deep breath. "Are you hurt?"

"I've got a towel wrapped around my arm, I don't dare to look."

"You should call an ambulance," I urged her.

"No!" she cried. "They will ask what happened."

I snorted. "If Jon has a problem with his temper, then he deserves whatever comes his way." Even if that was hard to believe. But how well did I really know him?

"Look, I'm sorry, but I have class and I can't just up and leave-"

"Please," she begged. Why _me?_ Why was I even considering going?

"All right. I will be there as soon as I can. If he shows up, can you be quiet? I don't want to visit the morgue today." It wasn't too difficult to imagine it. After all, hadn't I lost my temper with her? Suddenly I felt guilty; first I punch her in the face, then she gets pushed into a cabinet with glass-bottles. She sure knew how to push buttons.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed. "I'm sorry for being such a pain, I'll make it up to you, I promise!"

I rolled my eyes. "I'll see you soon." Then I hung up.

After explaining to my class that there was an emergency I sent them off, gathered my paperwork and hurried through the corridors to the parking lot. When I got outside I glanced over to a group of students, gathered in front of a dark skinned man who looked to be in his 50's. He had long, black hair secured at the nape of his neck, and I realized that it was Mr Kendall, handling a project in teaching how to build longhouses, among other things. Jacob had taken his classes, too. It brought a smile to my lips. Then a tall man with russet skin and tousled hair jogged over to them, carrying something that he handed over to Mr Kendall. My heart fluttered. It was Jake. His eyes drifted in my direction and his face lit up. He turned to his teacher, saying something before taking off in a jog toward me.

"Hey, beautiful," he said and pressed his warm lips against my cheek. "Where are you off to?" He eyed my work-bag questioningly.

My smile faded and I frowned. "Apparently something has happened and Sophia needs help, she's been hurt. Jon pushed her into his liquor-cabinet."

Jacob's brows furrowed and his eyes darkened. "I don't want you going over there if he's being violent, Bells."

"He's not there," I reassured him. "He ran off."

"He really is an asshole," he mused, as if it was a surprising realization. I suppose it was, in regards to him being capable of hurting someone like that. "You better be careful," he said quickly, leaning in to peck my cheek again. Then he moved over to my ear to give it a quick nip. "Miss you," he whispered huskily, his breath in my ear making me weak.

"Jacob Black," I admonished, expelling a shallow breath. "People are watching."

"Let them." His suggestive demeanor sent a thrill of excitement through my body.

"I'm still sore."

He chuckled and pulled back with a smug grin on his face. "Learning yet?" he asked, his eyes twinkling mischievously. I gulped and nodded fervently. This seemed to disappoint him.

"Go back to class," I scolded.

"Yes, miss. After you punish me for being a bad student."

"Jake!" I hissed and he threw his hands up in surrender, laughing.

His face grew serious. "Be careful, and call if you need me." He hesitated on the spot for a moment, as if debating whether he could let me go or not, then he turned and jogged back to the group where several heads snapped away, having been caught staring at us.

I shook my head and went to my car, throwing my things in the back before jumping in. It didn't take me too long to get to Jonathan's place, and I pressed the button next to his name, waiting for Sophia to buzz me in.

When I got up to the penthouse the door was open and I heard the sound of glass being broken. I hurried inside but was instantly relieved when I saw Sophia throwing broken pieces of glass into a bucket. She looked up, her nose looking a bit swollen and bruised.

"God, your nose," I said and felt horrible.

She smirked. "It's fine. I thought it was broken, but no. Wasn't looking forward to plastic surgery," she said and the corners of her mouth turned down in a grimace.

"Let me see your arm." I walked up to her and she offered it to me. God, how was I gonna do this? I held my breath and unraveled the towel from it. When I saw the scratches and a couple of deeper gashes I winced. There was no way she could stay away from a hospital with this mess. Unless—I stood there, debating what other options there were.

"I'm not going to the hospital," she said, her voice serious.

Jake, don't kill me for this, I prayed silently as I dialed Alice's number. Hopefully they were all still in Alaska. Shouldn't take Carlisle too long to come down here.

Her sing-song chirp greeted me. "Bella! Carlisle is on his way."

"Hello, Alice." I couldn't help but smile.

"I'm so happy you called, and congratulations!"

Huh? "Your engagement to Jacob," she trilled. Oh. _Oh!_ "You're getting marr-"

"Alice!" I pulled the phone away from my ear. I didn't want to know anything about the future, I was so happy about surprises, even if not all of them were pleasant. I glanced at Sophia.

I needed to ask for this, or Sophia would start asking questions. She didn't seem dumb.

"Alice, I need to ask a favor of your dad, could he come and take a look at a friend of mine, she's hurt." I prayed that Alice would catch on.

"Oh," she said. "I can't see anyone besides you," she added, and I could imagine her perfectly shaped eyebrows pull together in confusion.

"Thank you, Alice," I said as a show, also giving the address to Jonathan's apartment, even though Carlisle wouldn't need it. "How are things?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Rosalie is annoying the hell out of us all, Emmet's being a child. Jasper gave me a new car!" I rolled my eyes.

"What was wrong with the Porshe?"

"Nothing, but it isn't very practical up here."

"How is Edward?" I asked quietly.

"He's good. Actually he's not here right now, he went to Europe a month ago." That explained why I hadn't heard from him. Not that I thought he would give up on sending letters just because he was on the other side of the planet. Maybe he had finally found a "distraction". I hoped he would, I wanted that for him.

"I'm glad," I offered. I was.

"Will I be allowed to visit you soon?" she asked then.

"Alice." I sighed. "I don't know if that's such a good idea. I'll let you know."

"That is so not fair, Bella. Carlisle gets to see you, but I don't?"

"Why didn't you go with him then?" I teased.

We continued talking for a few minutes, but then I told her that I needed to help Sophia with cleaning and we hung up. It was sad that I didn't get to see Alice anymore, she had been a really good friend to me, and at times I missed her quirkiness.

Shortly after we had managed to clear away all the broken glass there was a knock on the door and Sophia looked at me.

"I hope that's your friend's dad," she said.

I held my hand out for her to stay and went to open the door. Their ethereal beauty was something that no matter how many years I lived would seize to stun me. Then I rolled my eyes as Alice clapped her hands together, impatiently waiting for permission to hug me.

"Go on then," I said, laughing, and she wrapped her cool arms around me gently. I returned her hug. "Hello, Alice."

"Hi!" she said cheerfully.

"Hello, Bella," Carlisle said, smiling. "Where's the patient?"

I showed them down the hallway to the living room where Sophia was waiting. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her face when Carlisle spoke, asking if she would let him look at her arm. Dazed, she offered it to him without hesitation and it made both me and Alice giggle. I knew what it was like to be dazzled by a vampire.

While Carlisle tended to Sophia I talked a little bit more with Alice, and she told me that they were all planning to go live in Europe for a while and that Esme had her eyes on an old Chateau in France that she wanted to restore. Rosalie and Emmet were going to stay in the states, so if I needed something, anything at all, then they would know how to get in touch with the rest of them.

It didn't take long for Carlisle to fix Sophia's arm, and after they had left she came up to me, her eyes still wide.

"He was so handsome," she marveled and I smiled. "And that's really his daughter?"

"Adopted daughter," I corrected and Sophia's mouth formed a perfect little 'o'.

"Wow," she breathed. "She was so beautiful." And I understood her completely. Once I had been completely taken by them, mesmerized even. Of course, I still thought they were special, but it was no longer with youthful naivete that I looked at them. To me they were almost like normal people. Almost.

I looked at the time and realized that I would make it back to work for my last class, but on my way out the door I walked right into Jonathan. His dark eyes widened, then his brows knitted together.

"What are you doing here?" He asked suspiciously.

"Sophia called me at work," I said meaningfully.

"Oh." His jaw clenched and he rounded me, walking swiftly into the living room. I closed the door and sighed, following him. I guess I would _not_ make it back to class. It was better that I stayed and made sure that he had calmed down, although he looked fine to me. Except, perhaps a little brooding.

"Great," I heard him mutter and I came around the corner where he was standing and glaring at his mess. "Now I have to buy a new one."

"The least of your worries, don't you think?" I crossed my arms and nodded toward Sophia who looked a little unsettled.

"Yeah, that-" His lips formed a tight line. "An accident that will never be repeated, because she is leaving." He turned to Sophia. "Aren't you, Soph?" It was more like a suggestion of what might happen if she didn't and hardly a question where she would have much choice.

"What's your problem, Jon?" I asked, feeling deeply disappointed. How could he be so cold?

"Mine?" His brows shot up. "I don't really have one, but okay, let me see—oh, wait, _she_ is." He looked annoyed and pointed at Sophia.

"Hurting her is okay then, I suppose?"

He sighed. "Yes, I did say that, didn't I?" He rolled his eyes and walked past me and into his room. A few moments later he came back with a bottle of whisky which he took to the kitchen and opened, pouring himself a glass. My mouth popped open.

"What's up with you and drinking in the middle of the day?"

He turned, leaning back against the counter with a frustrated expression. "You see, it's this thing where people sit down in a circle and talk about their problems, then they hold hands and promise to never take another drop. One week later they come back, pat each other on the back and tell stories about how they slipped. On and on it goes. Sounds nice, doesn't it? You should try it some time—_great_ stories." He raised his glass to me, cocking an eyebrow then took a sip. "M-mm—delicious."

"He's not a drunk, he's just a bully," Sophia said in a huff and walked over to him, taking the glass and downing all of it. My eyes must have popped out of my head.

"Hey—get your own." He snatched the glass back, refilling it while giving Sophia a dirty look. This was so bizarre.

"What's the deal with you two?" I finally blurted. "I leave work—_my job—_because she's crying and says you've hurt her. Then you stroll in here, pour up whisky and suddenly everything is just dandy?" I was at a loss.

He shrugged. "Seems like—do you want some?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "What is wrong with you!"

He nodded his head discretely at Sophia, as if she couldn't see. "Oops," he said when she glared at him.

"Ugh!" They weren't going to give me any answers, either of them, so I decided that was my cue to leave.

"Aw, come on. Don't be like that, stay, have a seat. Let's sit down and have a nice chat," he said and I threw him a flat glare. "How about it, Soph?" He asked over his shoulder. "Why don't we tell Bella here, since she was so nice and got you all patched up, the story about you and me. What do you say?"

"Do I have a choice?" She glared at him.

"Of course you do, darlin'," he said and smiled, "I can tell it, or you can. So..." he pointed back and forth between them, as if he was playing a game. He completely confused me. This morning he had shown a completely different side of himself, yet now he was being a complete—utter—asshat!

"Just tell it already," she snapped. "I'm the liar here, so why would you trust me to tell the truth about anything?" His smile faded and he gritted his teeth. "Suit yourself." He grabbed his bottle and the glass then went to sit down on the sofa, patting the seat next to him, looking at Sophia. "Madame," he said, waiting.

"No, thank you."

He shrugged and looked at me.

"So, where do I begin? The part where she fucks _me_, or-" He held up his finger, tapping it thoughtfully against his pursed lips, then his eyebrows shot up. "Or the part where she fucks my _best friend_?" Then he frowned, "Maybe it would be better to tell the part where she steals my mother's car to drive all the way from New Jersey to Brooklyn, to fuck a net-buddy for some drugs?" Then he shot up. "No wait, I have it! Let's begin where the police shows up to arrest my mother for possession of drugs because little Sophia left them in the car, shall we? I quite liked that part, although I was—hmm—15 and they sent me off to live with some jerks who liked a bit of hanky-panky with their foster-kids before bedtime. Yes, let's begin with that part." He threw back his drink, then instead of refilling his glass he just took a swig from the bottle.

I stood there, unmoving.

Then he turned his dark eyes on me, they were vulnerable, and I could see everything he usually closed off. All was laid bare.

"Not _once_ have I hit _anyone_. So before you think that my past has done that to me, stop. I deal with it how I please, but not through violence."

"I was only 14, Jon! When are you going to forgive me? I didn't mean to get your mom into trouble!"

"Of course you didn't." He rolled his eyes. "You were a selfish little girl who wanted the world to look at you, and you still are. Well, get this, once and for all, Soph. I do _not_ want you around me."

I could see her fighting tears. "I only wanted _you_ to see me. No one else. I wanted you to love me, the way I've always loved you. I know I have messed up, and you're too good for me, but I can't stop, Jon, I-" She bit her lip, then she turned and ran past me, down the corridor and out the door.

"And there she goes again, running away like the spoiled little brat that she is." He rolled his eyes and took another swig from the bottle.

My tongue was tied, and my feet were nailed to the floor. I couldn't wrap my head around what I'd just heard. Jonathan's eyes told me that it was all true, but still it was too difficult to grasp.

"Your patient just ran off on you," he said, nodding toward the door.

Try as I might I wanted to go after Sophia, feeling somehow that she could need someone to talk to, but I felt torn. Jonathan was Jacob's brother, and even now as I watched him I could see him struggling with the facade, building it back up. It didn't help though, because I saw his pain. Maybe I couldn't understand what it might be like to live the life he had, but it didn't stop me from somehow wishing I could help. So instead I went over to the sofa and sat down next to him.

"I don't want your pity," he told me flatly.

"I'm still sorry you had to go through that."

"Your sympathies are wasted on me."

I sighed. "Stop trying to be a badass."

"Not trying, I _am _a badass." He smirked and went to take another drink from the bottle, but I snatched it from him.

"Stop drinking," I scolded. He reached for the bottle but I held it away from him. "You've had enough." His eyes flashed with annoyance.

"Bad, _bad_ move." He stared at me angrily but I stared right back defiantly, putting the bottle behind my back.

"Get something else to drink," I suggested.

In a flash he had one arm around me, pinning mine to my sides, reaching behind me to pry the bottle from my hand while his eyes held me captive. Even if he now had the bottle he held me to his chest, and I saw his eyes drop to my lips. They tingled beneath his intense gaze. All I could do was to stare at him dumbly while my head was screaming for me to get out of there. I tried to struggle out of his grip but he didn't give an inch. His eyes came back to mine, softer, vulnerable again. That's when he released me and got off the sofa.

"You should go," he said brusquely, his back turned to me now as he stared out the panorama windows. I scrambled off the sofa as if it had burned me and I hurried out of his apartment, all the while Jacob's words were ringing in my mind.

"_If it wasn't for the fact that you're in love with my fiancé I might actually like you,"_

No, no, no! Ridiculous, absolutely absurd!

_You're the one who's ridiculous._

Shut it.

After I was safely in my car I collapsed, my head banging against the steering wheel. What a mess. Everything was such a big, stupid mess. Then I looked at the time quickly. Jacob would be finished by now, had he decided to take the bus or was he waiting for me to come back? I called him.

"It's okay, honey, I'll get the bus, it's no trouble. How's Sophia?"

"Before or after Jon came back and made her run off?" I asked, expelling a heavy sigh.

"What did he do?" He snapped.

"He told her that he didn't want her around," I explained quickly. "But there's a lot more to it than that. I think we need to back off a bit, Jake. He's been through a lot, and so has she."

"You'll tell me about it when I get home, the bus just got here. See you soon." He hung up.

I wondered where Sophia would have gone. Had she decided to leave and was already on the road, driving away? Even if the story Jon had told didn't speak much in her favor, and she might have caused problems for him and his mom I still couldn't make myself hate her. If anything I felt really bad for her, because something told me that she truly was regretful and sincerely meant what she'd said. It made sense, why else would she chase after him still? Or was I just that gullible?

Turning over to the side of the road I sent Jake a message and told him that I would have a quick drive around town to see if I could spot her. I started with the area where Jon's apartment was, but soon I moved toward the central of Port Angeles, keeping an eye out for her candy-red car.

As a last resort I drove down to the harbor, and to my great relief I spotted her car not far from the docks. She had to be around here somewhere, so I pulled up next to her car and got out to start looking for her.

It didn't take me long to find her, sitting out on the edge of a jetty, her legs dangling over the dark water. I pulled my jacket closer around me. It was freezing out here, and Sophie didn't even wear a jacket.

"Sophie!" I called out and ran up to her, quickly taking my jacket off to drape it over her shoulders.

"He'll never forgive me," she said and shook her head sadly. Her shoulders were slumping forward and her hair hung across her face. I wished I could say something comforting or encouraging, but I had no idea still what kind of a relationship they'd had. Had he loved her? Had things been good once?

"I'm sorry, he shouldn't speak to you like that."

She laughed. It was a bitter sound. "I deserve it."

"No. Regardless of what's happened he shouldn't speak to you like that." I was adamant. He was cruel to her, yet she seemed to take it all in her stride. Except this time, but I understood. She had told him exactly how she felt about him, and he had in turn given her nothing but his cold rejection. My heart ached for her as I stood there. "Why don't you come with me?" I suggested. "I'm going to cook dinner, and you're welcome to join me and Jake."

Amazing. Not even two days ago I had wanted her as far away from me and Jake as possible, yet now I was inviting her to have dinner with us.

Her face turned to me and I frowned at her tear-drenched face.

"I don't want to be a nuisance."

"It's fine. Really, come on." I held out my hand to help her up and she accepted it.

"He won't be angry when he sees me, will he?" She shot me a worried glance.

I smiled. "No, he's over it." Oh boy, was he over it all right. I forced the images of his naked body out of my mind, not wanting to be distracted by it while I was trying to be level headed and supportive to this poor woman.

Sophia followed me home, walking quietly behind me as I climbed the stairs. I had sent a message ahead for Jake so he would have sufficient warning. When we got inside a delicious smell invaded my nostrils and my stomach rumbled in response. Sophia giggled behind me.

"Welcome home, beautiful!" Jake called out from the kitchen. What had he done now? I turned to Sophia, gesturing for her to follow me and when I came around the corner I was met by a scene that melted my heart. Jake had set the table for us, all three of us, lit candles and he was standing by the stove, stirring what looked like some kind of pasta-sauce. He beamed at me.

My lips moved but no sound came out. I was dumbfounded.

"Jake," I finally managed to say. He glanced at Sophia, slightly guarded or was it my imagination?

"Hey, Sophia. Hope you dare to eat my cooking."

"I'm a daredevil, bring it on," she quipped, her shoulders relaxing.

Jake put the spoon down and beckoned me closer, only to pull me into his arms in a tight embrace.

"Missed you," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "Sit down," he suggested to Sophia, and I heard her pull out a chair.

"You're unbelievable, Jake," I murmured against his chest.

He let out a throaty chuckle. "Wait with your praise until after dinner." Then he proceeded to usher me toward a chair, pulling it out for me. "Ma'am." I rolled my eyes at him but couldn't help smiling.

A few minutes into the meal Sophia broke the silence.

"Where'd you learn to cook?" She asked.

"Food Network." He smirked. "You'd be amazed the things you suffer through while bored." He winked at me.

"I should get bored more often," she said, then laughed. "I can't cook to save my life."

"It's not that hard," he offered. "Start with easy things, set yourself a goal, then Bob's your uncle." Sophia giggled.

How did I get so lucky? I gazed at him in wonder, marveling at the wonderful man that was Jacob.

After dinner Sophia offered to help me clear the table but Jacob told us both to sit down and relax while he cleaned up. I tried to protest but he wouldn't have it, pushing me toward the sofa and forcing me to sit down.

"He's quite a catch," Sophia whispered to me and I nodded, peering over at him where he loaded the dishwasher. "If Jon would give me a fraction, even one ounce of what Jacob gives you I'd be the happiest woman on the planet," she said, a longing in her voice.

"You shouldn't settle for a fraction," I told her.

She sighed. "Looks like I'll have to settle for nothing. Every year that goes by I hope to find someone so I can finally get over him, but it never happens. I'm beginning to give up hope. I'll die a spinster," she muttered, then quickly added with a laugh. "Without the cats, I hate cats."

"Get a dog," came Jake's voice as he plopped himself down on the sofa, pulling me into his arms. "They're more loyal, and you can kick them as much as you like, yet they will stay anyway."

I slapped his chest. "Jake!"

"Hey. I should know. I used to be one."

"Ugh!" I rolled my eyes, wincing.

"I wish Jon was like you, and that he inprinted on me, that way he could never push me away."

I felt Jake flinch. "Imprint," he said, stressing the 'm'.

"Yeah, that." She shrugged.

"That's not something you want to wish on anyone," Jake continued in a tight voice.

Sophia gasped, turning to look at him. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to—um—dang." She muttered something under her breath.

"It's cool, don't worry about it." His arms tightened around me possessively, and I grinned.

Luckily it was Monday. During the fall and winter the club operated as a bar, and was open all nights except Mondays. It made me snuggle into Jake's chest, sighing happily that I'd have him all to myself. Well, apart from the fact that Sophia was here, but she was following some reality show on TV, which didn't interest me in the least. Jacob glanced at it from time to time though.

"How can you watch that crap?" I asked suddenly and they both looked at me.

"It's awesome to watch people make idiots of themselves," Sophia explained, grinning.

"I was force fed that shit because Leah follows it like religion." Jake shrugged. "The European's are the worst," he said and snorted in disgust.

"Germans and Swedes," Sophia corrected.

"Leah loves the Swedes, I think they're disgusting. Wanting to swing your dick around on international television is just fucked up."

"They think they're cool," Sophia answered with a smirk.

"I think they're small," Jake scoffed.

"It's not size that matters, only how you use it," I piped up.

Both their heads snapped to face me, staring like I was an alien.

"You don't really believe that, do you?" She asked me.

"No, she doesn't," Jake answered confidently, which made me sputter and Sophia's jaw drop.

"Jacob Black!" I was mortified.

"What?"

"Nice to know," Sophia said with a wicked smirk.

God, could I disappear now?

"Are you saying I have a sm-"

"God!" I shot up, swatting at his hands as he tried to pull me back down. "I'm going to drown myself in a bucket now. Nice to know you." I went to the kitchen to get a drink.

"I'm waiting," he called out.

"I'm not answering," I retorted.

"Sounds to me like it's in your favor that she doesn't answer," I heard Sophia say, which made me choke on my water. I started coughing, water going everywhere. Jake was behind me in an instant, patting my back.

"I'm sorry, honey, I have spent too much time with Embry and Quil-"

"And Leah," I croaked.

He laughed. "Very true, that."

Sophia got up from the sofa and came into the kitchen. "I think I'm gonna take off. Thanks for inviting me, Bella." She smiled.

"Are you going back to Jon's place?" I asked, unable to hide my concern.

She shook her head. "No. I know when I'm not wanted, as hard as that may be to believe." She thanked Jake for the dinner, giving him two thumbs up before she turned and walked to the door. While she was putting her shoes on I watched her, wondering if she would stay or go. I couldn't help it, but she was growing on me. She was a pain, but at the same time I had come to see that there was another side of her beneath it all. Just like I had seen with Jonathan. They were both walking around with deflectors.

"Are you staying in Port Angeles?"

She looked up at me and grinned. "I can't leave yet. Not until he makes me." With that she opened the door and walked out, giving me a smile before she closed the door.

Hopefully she hadn't meant that so literally, and I really hoped that Jonathan wouldn't hurt her again. In the end it would probably hurt him more than it hurt her.

Jake's warm lips against my neck brought me out of my thoughts and I leaned into him as his hands came around me. They slipped beneath my shirt, moving up to knead my breasts gently.

"Now, where did we leave off..."


	7. Don't Mess With Me

_Sometimes I know there's nothing to say.  
So do I pick up my puzzle and just walk away?  
Do I follow my conscience?  
Am I mock sincere?  
I don't know what I'm doing here._

_By  
Poets of the Fall_

**~* Don't Mess With Me *~**

_**Bella...**_

Two weeks had passed since the "accident" at Jonathan's apartment, and we hadn't seen hide nor hair of him _or_ Sophia. Jacob and I had both tried calling, but there had been no answer, we had stopped by the apartment but there had been no activity. That's not to say that Jonathan wasn't possibly up there, hiding away. Jacob went to Jonathan's work, and even though he hadn't been there at the time the manager had told Jake that he still worked there but he had been reluctant to give any information. It brought up suspicion but at least we believed he hadn't skipped town, which was more than we could say for Sophia.

I worried that her and Jonathan had gotten into another fight and that he had finally made her leave, as she had said that she wouldn't leave under any other circumstances.

Billy hadn't seen Jonathan nor heard from him either, so when Friday rolled around, now making it the full _third_ week he'd been missing we all started worrying. Maybe not so much Jacob, it was me and Billy who worried. Jacob was too busy juggling all his tasks. It was almost November, and the first snow was promised to be arriving any day now, so Jake wanted to get the roof finished before the snow hit. He never seized to amaze me. Between school and work he still managed with the house building. Granted, the guys had pitched in more than usual once they'd learned that the wolf was gone; to Jake's mild irritation. He insisted that he was doing fine, and if he was struggling he sure didn't let it on. Not one bit.

"I thought we'd been over this already?" He shot me an irritated glance across the table as we ate our breakfast on Friday morning.

"I'm just suggesting a break," I said and poked a piece of egg around my plate.

He sighed. "Bells, I need that roof up before the snow comes."

I slumped my shoulders, and nodded. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

His hand brushed over mine, and I looked up at his face. "I will make it up to you," he promised. "I know we have barely spent any time together lately, and I'm sorry." I puffed out a breath.

"I will go to Billy's and cook something nice for dinner tonight," I said and picked up my plate.

It was true that we hadn't had much time left over for each other, and I certainly hoped that it would settle down soon. I should be happy that Jacob worked so hard for us, and whining about it wasn't something I was proud of. In fact, I should have grown out of that phase by now. Suppose it didn't help that I spent so much time worrying about Jonathan's strange disappearing act.

"Only if you feel like it, honey," he said and came over to me where I stood loading the dishwasher. His arms came around me and pulled me into his chest where I could finally relax. "Just another week, then I promise I'll take a break." I shuddered when his warm lips pressed against my ear.

"Okay," I whispered, wanting nothing more than to stay right here and not move. A soft chuckle escaped him when I turned in his arms to snuggle further into his chest.

"I need to go, honey." He dipped his head to give me a tender kiss, ending it far too soon for my liking. I protested, clinging to him.

"Just one more minute," I mumbled, pulling his face back to me. This time as our mouths met, his warm tongue traced my bottom lip, sliding into my mouth to stroke mine. My heart skipped a beat and my stomach tingled. He groaned as I pressed against him and pulled back. "Can't be late today," he said and I pushed back my disappointment.

My mood didn't lighten much when I got to work and found that half of my students were home with the flu. Hopefully I wouldn't catch it, but that wasn't a likely request to be granted, this time of the year bugs always circulated schools and workplaces.

Thankfully the day was short and I even managed to get out a bit earlier, deciding to dismiss class half an hour before the usual time. My students wished me a good weekend and I tried being enthusiastic about it, but when I got out and noticed that Jacob's car was missing (he had finally fixed the darned thing) I realized that he must have finished early as well. I huffed and decided to go and do my weekly grocery shopping.

Pulling into the car park at Safeway reminded me of Sophia and yet another thing weighed down on me, setting my face into what I suppose looked like a scowl. I resisted the urge to go straight home, telling myself that it wouldn't be much better to mope around in a quiet apartment, and instead distracted myself with thoughts on dinner.

Jacob's appetite had dropped noticeably, having caused my weekly budget for food to be recalculated as I'd found things going old before they were even touched. One might be happy about the savings but right now not much made me happy. Only Jacob could, and he wasn't here.

I didn't spend much time in the store. When you know what you need and you're not in the mood for browsing it becomes more of a mission to get from A to B so you can finally get to C. C signified home, and once there I made quick work of putting the groceries away. Bored out of my mind I put on a load of washing then strolled around the apartment, dusting shelves that didn't really need my attention, while constantly glancing at the time. Another two hours to kill before it would be time to leave for La Push. The restlessness just got worse and worse, and I even tried to engage in writing up a paper for my class, but not even writing could soothe me so I gave up on that idea, snapping my laptop shut with a snort.

Because of the quiet I nearly jumped when my phone beeped, and I prayed it would be Jacob, telling me to come down to La Push because he had decided on calling it in early. No such luck.

_**I can see your car, does that mean**_

_**that you're home?**_

Jonathan!

I hurried over to the window to peek outside, and relief flooded through me when I saw his truck sitting on the curb across the road. I sent him a quick message back, telling him to come on up. Next thing I knew he was knocking on my door, which did make me jump. Someone must have let him in.

When I opened the door I froze.

"Yeah, I know—can I come inside?" I managed to nod once and he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "Is Jacob home?" he asked and walked past me.

"He's building a roof," I said sadly as my brain started working again. "But, Jon, what ha-"

"It's happening to me, isn't it?"

I turned to look at him, his eyebrows bunched up and lips in a tight line. Knowing the answer and delivering it were two very different things, but I did nod, not able to stop myself from gawking at him. Not only was he taller, but his shoulders were broader and the muscles in his arms rippled beneath the material of his shirt as he pulled his jacket off.

"Not that the ladies have been complaining," he said and gave me a coy smirk.

"Where have you been?" I accused. "We have been worried-"

He cocked an eyebrow. "We?"

"Yes," I shot back.

"Well, my heart is whole again, praise the lord," he drawled.

_Still happy he's back?_

Oh, shut up!

"Well?" I pressed.

He rolled his eyes. "Aren't we happy today?" I crossed my arms, ignoring his sarcasm. "Oh poo—fine; I pretended to move to New York, only long enough for Sophia to fall for it."

I think my mouth popped when it fell open, but I closed it quickly. "You could have called."

"So you could try and talk me out of it? I knew you would sympathize with Soph, she has a natural affinity for doing that."

What difference did it make if I felt for her? And me trying to talk him out of it; he said it as if I'd been potentially able to. That sort of bothered me.

"Why do you even care?" I countered and it made him pause, then the smirk was back on his face.

"I don't." He said it, but his tense stance and the flexing of his jaw told me differently. I decided to leave it at that and to move on to something that didn't broach the subject of how he seemed to value my opinion, even if he denied it. Verbally.

"What do you want with Jacob?" I asked instead. He rolled his eyes and gestured to his body as if I was missing the obvious. "So you're buff, what is he going to do about it?" I could feel it again. My body was tensing and my mind was blocking, what, I didn't know. He made me angry and not only two minutes ago I had felt inexplicable relief that he was back and all right. More than all right, he was huge! If perhaps arrogant and cruel, having led Sophia away from him.

"Forgiveness doesn't interest you, I take it?" That was not the right thing to say, because he took a step toward me, then another, before stopping himself. He was definitely going through the motions of becoming a big bad wolf. A massive, dangerous and possibly cruel wolf. I couldn't even envision Jonathan as part of the pack, but then my mind did it for me, without asking my permission. Immediately I deflected it, not wanting Jonathan's half-naked form in my mind.

_Why do you even care?_ My inner voice was having a twisted sense of humor today, and I huffed.

"Don't go there," he finally said through clenched teeth. "You don't want to piss me off right now." As much as I knew I should back off as the thrill of fear ran down my spine I had been living in this world for too long to have the rational response to danger the way a normal human would. But, as it were, I wasn't normal. I had been permanently altered the moment I had fought back against Edward's black stare in Biology, all those years ago. If I had been normal I would have stayed as far away from him as I could, because that would have been what any sane teenager would have done. But since I didn't I'd been introduced to the foundations that created the fantasy worlds that most people only read about. I bet, if I had been reading about myself I'd been yelling at me to turn and run. But as cliche as I was I stood my ground.

"And why is that?" I taunted instead, steeling my back, pointing my chin his way in defiance. Come on Jonathan, give it your best shot, I thought.

_You're insane._

Yep.

First he tensed, then his expression relaxed and he raised an eyebrow while looking almost smug.

"I see, you _like_ that, don't you?"

Huh? I faltered. What did he mean? He took my pause as an invitation, and stepped closer, invading my personal space, really getting into my face.

"You like it that I could possibly snap," he told me, "and you _want_ to piss me off."

I wanted him to explain to me why he had to be so cruel. If I made him angry enough so that he lost his hold on the wall he surrounded himself with, then maybe—what? Why did I want him to be angry? I didn't _really_ want that, did I? No, all that I wanted was that he would go back to whoever he'd been when I'd first met him, and we'd spent several hours chatting away at that small Cafe in Hanover. If he could get back to that, then we would all get along so much better.

"You used to be different," I blurted. "What happened to the Jonathan I met outside the library?"

He scoffed, which made me flinch, then he turned my own words back at me. "Why do _you_care?" His body was nearly touching mine and waves of heat hit me, confusing me momentarily. Only one other person had been in my face like this, and my body, against all things rational, relaxed as if it had been _Jacob_ standing right there. Even the controlled anger that simmered beneath the surface, charging the air around us, caused me to feel drawn to him. To my absolute horror I shuddered. Not from discomfort; in no certain terms did this feel wrong. Worst of all; Jonathan quickly picked up on the change in my demeanor and his face softened as his eyes searched mine, questioning me.

The impossible warmth burned my cheek as his fingers brushed against it, trailing down over my jaw and back to the nape of my neck. Another shudder. It could only be a matter of hours before he phased, and still his hand was firm as it cupped the back of my head, only to grab my hair as he pulled me flush against his chest, his other hand pressing into the small of my back, finding exposed skin. Not only had I lost the ability to move, I also couldn't form words. My brain was even betraying me, telling me that we liked the heat that surrounded us. What? Since when was I part of a two? Of course _I _liked it, I was so used to this. I hesitated between succumbing and fighting against him, and as I stared, bewildered and shocked, into his dark eyes I could see a flicker of something familiar in their depths. He shuddered, then his lips descended on mine, a low growl vibrating through his chest. It wasn't sweet, and certainly not gentle, more like a frustrated defeat.

When my lips parted for him and he laid siege to my mouth, his tongue exploring me, tremors shook my whole body and it wasn't until he wrenched himself away from me, a snarl ripping from his throat, that I realized that he had been the one shaking. His eyes were near black with fury and I gasped, stumbling backward, nearly tripping as my heel caught the edge of the rug on the floor. My lips throbbed from the violent assault and I blinked, wetness spilling from my eyes.

He was going to phase, right here, in my living room. The implications of what we had just done dissipated as I stared in horror at his blurring shape.

"Get out!" I rasped, but he didn't move. Then, as I considered a contingency plan, the tremors calmed, and before I knew it he was completely still, apart from a small tremble in his clenched fists and his heaving chest. Had he just fought off his first transformation? Not even possible, or was it?

"That was intense," he whispered, still staring at me.

My brain connected again, and I could speak. "What the _hell_ just happened?"

For what seemed like forever, he stood there gawking at me, as if something about me was answering the unspoken questions that I saw in his widened eyes.

"I have wanted to kiss you, ever since I first saw you, but when finally I have the balls to do it-" he was dazed. "I—_can't!_"

I verbalized my thoughts. "Huh?" He can't? "But you just did," I whispered. Acknowledging it for the first time caused my heart to throb and I winced; I had just kissed Jonathan. How well and truly screwed up can one person be? Jacob fought off a force of nature, resisting the urge to kiss Sophia, yet here I'd been, mere human, and I had _barely_ hesitated. Had I even wanted to resist?

_You're a disgusting person_, I screamed at myself.

"I don't _want_ to," he corrected after a pause, blinking, then added. "It's in me..."

He wasn't making any sense. "What are you talking about?"

"The wolf," he said, rolling his eyes. "I feel him." I continued to gawk at him.

"Have you phased already?" I waited for him to answer, but it was as if he hadn't even heard me and for all I knew he was lost in thought, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular, as if he was listening to something. Then his head snapped to the door, and he started moving toward it.

"I need to go to La Push." He had the door pulled open before I could react and walked out, leaving me gaping after him. Then the thought of him seeing Jacob hit me and my limbs came to life. Nothing else existed then, besides getting to La Push before Jonathan and I snatched up my purse and my keys, darting through the door, pushing it closed behind me and I flew down the stairs. If Jacob found out from Jonathan that we had kissed then I was sure that he would throw a fit, not that it would hurt anyone, but I wanted to be the one to tell him myself, so that I could explain.

_Yeah? And what bright excuse are you going to give?_

On my way down to the reservation, speeding along the wet surface of the one-oh-one I ran the kiss through my head, over and over. Each time it replayed something sharp stabbed at my insides, and tears stung my eyes. I told myself that it had been his blazing touch, the familiar heat that had cracked my resolve and that in truth it had been nothing. It certainly _meant nothing_. The kiss didn't make me feel anything besides disgust. It was directed at myself, of course. Jonathan was a guy, and not just _any_ guy; he was smug and arrogant, crude and sarcastic. He'd been the one who had decided to kiss me, and it wasn't like I would have done anything by my own accord.

_But you didn't fight it._

In all honest truth it had felt just like Jacob, and although I was not going to even _try_ to pull that card on him I, myself, felt better by acknowledging that little fact.

_You're deluded._

Tell me something I don't know.

Finally I arrived at the small dirt road leading to the lot where we were building our house and the tires of my car kicked up a cloud of dust as the Guardian skidded from my sharp turn. The house came into view, but my heart lurched as I spotted Jonathan's car. My foot slammed on the break sending my car sliding sideways until it jerked to a stop. I was out of it faster than I thought was possible, and I prayed I wouldn't trip.

"Calm down, Jake!" Sam's authoritative voice rang through the chilly air as I ran around the house to the backside that faced the ocean.

"I'll rip your fucking head off!" Jake bellowed.

Paul's signature cackle resounded in response. "You'll hurt yourself, idiot."

"You're up next," Jacob spat back just as I rounded the corner, crashing right into a naked chest. Before my butt hit the ground a pair of rough, blazing hands caught my arms.

"Careful, Bella." Embry's eyes were filled with humor. How could he find this situation remotely entertaining? He caught my mood and released me instantly, giving me a lopsided grin.

When I looked past Embry I saw Jacob and Jonathan glaring at each other. Sam held on to Jake while Paul, Jared _and_ Quil were struggling with Jonathan. Next thing I noticed was the trickle of blood coming from Jake's crooked nose, and his eyes were almost crazed.

"Jake!" I cried and launched myself forward, but Embry caught me.

"Not a good idea," he said firmly.

"Let me go, you big brute!"

Everyone were shouting at each other while some of the guys still fought to control Jonathan who was the only one whose mouth was firmly shut in a tight line. I kept up with my own struggles against Embry's vice-grip, knowing that it was useless but stupid as I was I couldn't give up, as if me trying long enough would weaken his hold on me.

"Get him out of here already," Sam ordered to Paul.

He snorted. "Can't you see that we're trying?"

"Looks more like you pansies are copping a feel," Embry barked out, chortling at Paul who shot him a smirk.

"Jealous, Emb?"

"Yeah, I've always wanted you, Paul."

"You'd have to share him with Rachael," Jared grunted.

"Aw, man, that's an image I didn't need," Quil complained.

"You are all deranged." Jonathan finally decided to speak, and along with it he stopped his struggles. "I won't touch him again, just let me go."

"What the hell did you do?" I hissed, glaring at him.

"He got in my face," Jonathan offered in his defense.

"Damn right, and I'll do it again if Sam let's me go," Jacob sneered.

Sam tightened his grip demonstratively. "Don't count on it, Jake, you'll just sprain something."

"How about you just put a sock in it." Then he took a deep breath, his shoulders sagging in defeat before turning his glance my way. I recoiled from his dark, probing eyes. "You've got some explaining to do, Bella."

Jonathan came to my defense, even if I didn't need nor want it. "It wasn't her fault."

"Was I fucking talking to you, asswipe?"

Jonathan shrugged, straightening his shirt when the guys let their arms drop, letting him go.

"Please, stay out of it, Jon," I pleaded.

They had all gone quiet, watching us now like hawks, ready for something to happen. I hoped both Jonathan and Jacob had calmed down, but judging from Jake's eyes and rigid back it wasn't very likely. Jonathan on the other hand seemed completely relaxed now as he trained his eyes on me.

"I think he's overreacting," he told me, nodding toward Jacob. "seeing as it was _me_ who tried to kiss _you._"

That was enough for Jake who launched himself forward, slipping easily out of Sam's relaxed grip. There was an unnatural cracking sound when Jacob's fist connected with Jonathan's face. I gasped as he danced back, clutching his fist.

"Son of a bitch," he hissed, then he stopped and stared at Jonathan who was grimacing.

"Retard, you broke my nose." He wiped at it with the back of his hand, blinking in confusion.

Jacob cracked a smile. "You broke mine first, dipshit." The smile didn't waver, and if I wasn't mistaken he looked real damn proud of himself. Tears pricked my eyes.

"Jake," I pleaded in a small voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Yeah," he interrupted, his voice thick with sarcasm. "I bet you put up one hell of a fight."

I flinched. Okay, so I deserved that, but it didn't mean it stung less. Maybe it was better if I said nothing at all, I thought to myself as I met Jake's eyes again. But then I felt anger bubble up inside me. So, I had told myself that I wasn't going to use it as an excuse, but it was the only defense I had, no matter how insane it would make me sound.

"I got confused because of how hot he was!" I shouted.

Embry guffawed. "You hear that, Jake ole boy, she likes 'em hot."

My jaw slacked and I turned to stare at him in disbelief.

"He ain't _that_ good lookin'." Paul snickered.

A blush crept into my cheeks, heating my face. My choice of word hadn't been the most clever, obviously, but why did they always have to make a joke out of everything. Would they ever grow up?

"Ugh!"

Jacob's jaw clenched and I could nearly hear him grind his teeth together. "Not '_hot'_, Emb, '_dangerous_'. Something I'm not." He shot me an icy stare then brushed past me.

"Aw, come on, Jake, I was kidding. She's not like that!" Embry called out after him.

"Jake, man, chill out!" Quil shouted.

"Can't get much chillier than this!" He threw over his shoulder as he stalked around the corner.

"Think his ego just took a major hit," Paul mused.

"Not the best move, Bella," Jared said, eying me warily.

I rolled my eyes. "Geez, thanks, Captain Obvious! God!" I whirled and started running after Jacob, Embry finally having let me go.

"Let him cool off," Sam called after me, but I ignored him.

"Jake!"

"Spare me." He yanked the door open to his car just as I caught up with him and I did the only thing I could think of—wait, I didn't think, that was what got me into this mess to start with—and I pushed him up against the car with all the force I could muster. It wouldn't have worked under any other circumstances, wolf or no wolf, Jacob was still strong, but he was taken off guard. "What the fu-"

I threw myself at him, crushing my lips against his, wanting to show him who I _wanted_ to kiss, but I hadn't expected his reaction. My attempts were futile against his unresponsive mouth, and his hands wrapped around my arms to keep me away from him. He glared at me.

"Don't push it," he said hoarsely through his teeth.

"Please, Jake." The rejection burned through me like acid.

"I'm so fucking pissed right now, Bella, so don't push me!"

"Let me explain!" I cried.

His hands clamped down on me and I winced, but he didn't ease up. Instead he held me there and I let his anger wash over me.

"Just answer me one thing."

Helplessly I nodded, biting my lip to prevent further begging. Whatever he had to say caused him to hesitate. He looked almost like a lost child as he finally managed to move the words past his lips. The uncertainty in his voice sent sharp daggers through my heart.

"Is it _me_ you want, or the wolf?"

He may as well have slapped me. No matter how much my fault this was, or what a huge mistake I'd made when I'd let Jonathan kiss me it was unfathomable that Jacob could for one moment think that it wasn't _him_ that I loved. Honestly, the loss of the wolf had brought me and Jake closer together. Ever since he had fought it off I had connected with him on so many deeper levels, and sometimes when I'd found myself thinking about it I had come to wonder if having had the wolf there in him hadn't restricted us in some way. Not that I had felt that Jacob didn't love me completely, or that we weren't close. I had trusted him and believed every word he had ever told me, every action, every kiss and every touch. Even when he'd told me that we belonged together I had known it to be true. Certainly I had doubted it when his wolf had imprinted on Sophia, but he had fought for me, and in a way he had also made me fight for _him_. I _knew_, deep within my soul I felt that there would never be anyone else besides Jacob.

"Only you, always," I said with conviction.

His face crumpled, simultaneously he dropped his hands from me, allowing my circulation to kick in. My arms prickled and my fingertips burned. I grimaced.

"Fuck—I'm sorry." He pulled me into his chest and rubbed my arms gently. "Dammit, Bella," he murmured into my hair. "I can't take this shit..." I wrapped my arms around his waist, squeezing feebly. His chest rose as he took a deep breath. "My heart is all yours, honey, but please—it ain't unbreakable."

The tears I'd held on to welled up and I buried my face in his chest, repeating "I'm sorry," over and over again. The old, whiny me was struggling for a foothold in my guilt-ridden mind but I pushed her back. This wasn't the time to state the obvious. So, I was a complete idiot who seemed to have a knack for hurting him, time and time again. Yes, I was thoughtless and thoroughly careless, but I _did_ deserve Jacob, dammit! Because _he_deserved _me_, and he deserved a _strong_ me. Not some damsel in distress, or a whiny, needy child who couldn't hold her own.

Somewhere along the way I had regressed, retreated into the indecisive little girl I'd been when I'd refused to acknowledge the full truth of my feelings for Jacob outside that freaking tent. We had both paid for my stupidity then, and I'd be damned if I was going to put us through yet another merry-go-round because I was weak. I was _not_ weak!

_You are!_

Fuck off!

That's right.

Jacob sighed. "I'm still angry." He untangled me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "I have to go to the Clearwaters'. I'll meet you back at Billy's place, okay?"

"Okay—Jake-" I touched his arm when went to get into his car.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I smiled.

He smirked. "Love you more."

Smug bugger.

Jacob got into his car and drove off, leaving me with only one thing on my mind; Jonathan. He was so going to pay for this, and I was going to make sure that he coughed up, big time.

When I rounded the corner they were all still there, fidgeting and all innocent-looking, yeah right, I knew that they'd been eavesdropping.

"Right, listen up," I began, crossing my arms over my chest. "You're gonna pay for this." I fixed my eyes on Jonathan who cocked an eyebrow at me with that self-indulgent smirk on his face.

"Yeah? This will be interesting."

"Firstly, wipe that goddamned smirk off your face or I'll hunt Sophia down and bring her back." I gave him a meaningful stare. It all made sense now. After everything that I had gone through since I was introduced to this world I think I'd gained a sixth sense, and it was confirmed on my way here this evening while I had ran that damn kiss through my mind like a broken record.

As I saw it, there was only one thing that would stop him from kissing me if he'd said that he had thought about nothing else since he'd first met me. It made even more sense if I thought about Jake's revelation that Jonathan had been in love with me. When you get the chance to kiss the person you're in love with you don't let it pass you by, and you most definitely don't withdraw while tangling tongues with that person. Yet, that's exactly what Jonathan had done. What more; he'd told me he _couldn't_ kiss me. He didn't _want_ to.

Jonathan was the son of Billy, Ephraim's descendent, and while Jacob and his siblings had his genes, wouldn't a child conceived through what nature saw as the perfect match create exactly what imprinting stood for? The perfect genetic match? So that meant that Jonathan was the perfect genetic creation to become a protector of their people. If anyone was meant for this life, then it was Jonathan. Hadn't I watched him fight against phasing in my own living room? What I'd learned from Jacob, phasing for the first time hadn't sounded like something you could control, yet Jonathan _had_ controlled it. In fact, I think that the spirit of the wolf was something you'd be one with, not something you'd be having to fight. Shouldn't you be in tune with what nature intended for you? Or maybe that was the whole point with imprinting, or one of them. To create strong warriors that could shoulder the responsibility of what it meant to protect their people against vampires.

That meant that Jonathan could possibly be stronger because of who his parents were. As far as they knew the imprinting had been rare, yet after Forks had been overrun by newborns, phasing had started to transform even children—who weren't even ready for it—like it was going out of fashion, but being the only ones receptive. Maybe imprinting became less rare because of the increased need for more wolves? I didn't feel myself to be a very spiritual being, or someone sensing things. But in a way it all made perfect sense.

Jacob's fight against his wolf had opened up my eyes, and if he could fight off his wolf so easily, or even control it so well, then perhaps that was because it really didn't belong to him? Maybe he hadn't ever really controlled it, maybe he had just never been one with it? Maybe, just maybe it had sought him out because his true bond couldn't be forged—because he hadn't been _here_. Yet, Jacob carried the gene, he was Billy's son and he had been needed. They all had been.

And if all these theories of mine were correct it meant that Jacob's wolf had found his place, his true counterpart. Jonathan. Which in turn would mean that Sophia could get her wish. This meant leverage, because I knew that right now, Jonathan wanted nothing to do with her. But he had witnessed the power of the imprint in Jacob. It was enough to make me want to rub my hands together in glee. But I resisted, because as I stood there, my eyes locked with Jonathan's, he saw the truth there, and he knew _exactly_ what would be in store for him if I brought Sophia back here.

His eyes widened.

"Bingo, buddy. You're ass is _mine._" I cracked a triumphant smile as he stiffened. The rest of the guys stared at us with a million questions written on their puzzled faces.

"My dearest, most evil sister-in-law-to-be, what kind of payment do you have in mind?" He gave me a coy smile, not able to fight being the arrogant bastard that he was.

"You're going to stay at Billy's and make sure this roof gets finished before the snow comes," I quipped.

His jaw dropped. "I don't know anything about building houses..."

"We do," Paul said with a laugh, flashing me an appreciative smile. Well, I'll be damned; I'd managed to impress the ever-grumpy pessimist. My eyes went back to Jonathan who was now glaring at his new co-workers.

"You obviously don't have to do anything today, it's getting dark," I offered.

Jonathan ground his teeth. "You have no idea who you're dealing with," he sneered.

"Oh I know," I said as sweetly as I could muster. "But now I'm going to pick up some groceries from the shop so I can cook, you're all welcome to stop by at Billy's if you're hungry." I turned and walked away with a confident bounce to my step, feeling real damn good about what I'd just done.

Me and Jake would get some well-needed time together. Jonathan would learn to eat humble pie, and when our roof was done I'd bring Sophia back, to melt an icy heart.

It was, in my opinion, a win-win situation. For all parties involved.

"Damn, you just got told," I heard Embry exclaim behind me, getting nothing but a low growl in response.

"You decide," I threw over my shoulder. "If Jacob leaves our bed tomorrow morning to go build a roof I'll be on the first plane to New York. I have a savings-account full of cash from my ex, and I'll burn _all of it_ to find her." My warning must have hit home.

"Burn, baby, burn!" Embry and Quil whooped in unison.


	8. Scars

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And my scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

_By  
Papa Roach_

**~* Scars *~**

_**Jacob...**_

During the entire 10 minute ride to the Clearwaters' I was muttering under my breath, throwing the occasional curse Jonathan's way. Seriously; what the hell was his problem? What a way to go about getting on my good side. If that's even what he wanted, which I was beginning to doubt. Maybe all he wanted was to come here and snatch Bella from under my nose. That's how I was seeing it, because I always caught him glancing at her, when he thought I wasn't looking. What a shit-for-brains douche-bag.

I was still mumbling obscenities as I walked through the door after a sharp rap to it, biting back on a vile string of curses, having forgotten that my hand wouldn't heal just like that. Neither would my nose, which I'd have to clean up.

Seth had his arm around a girl who was snuggling into him on Sue's sofa.

"Hey, Jake. How's-" he stopped when he caught the look on my face. "You look like crap."

"Observant," I muttered and plopped down into Charlie's recliner. "Where's Charlie?"

Seth shrugged. "Around, why?"

"None of your business," I snapped like the ass I was. I couldn't care two shits about being polite right now, and why should I? My hand throbbed and my heart wasn't much different. Maybe Bella had managed to instill some sort of affirmation in me, but as I'd told her I was still pissed, which meant that whoever crossed paths with me were likely to get their heads bitten off. Seth wasn't an exception, but he took it all in his stride.

"Fair enough." He went back to watching the TV. Great; some sappy romance-flick, that was all I needed. I groaned and got up.

"I'll go look for him."

Both Charlie and Sue were out the back. Sue was cleaning the yard while Charlie had a few steaks on the grill. He glanced up to where I leaned against the railing on the veranda, giving me a questioning look.

"I look like shit, yeah, I know." I crossed my arms.

"What happened to you?" He asked, furrowing his brows.

"Brotherly love," I offered with a smirk.

"Ah." He huffed.

"Hey, Sue," I offered in a more polite tone when she caught the sight of me and gave a wave before going back to raking.

"What brings you here, Jake?" Charlie asked, flipping a steak.

"I need Renee's address," I edged, knowing I would get questioned.

He raised an eyebrow. "You couldn't ask Bella?"

"It's supposed to be a surprise." Bella had talked a bit about her mother over the past few months, and I know that she felt guilty about not going to Florida like she'd planned after College. So, it was my plan to bring them here for Christmas. After all, I hadn't met her yet, and as far as I knew Renee had no family down in Florida besides that guy, Phil, her boyfriend, or were they married? Shit, some good son-in-law-to-be I was. Either way, I was hoping that Renee and Phil would agree to coming here for the holidays and I'd been saving for it, hoping that it was a present Bella wouldn't freak out about getting.

"Oh," he said and grinned. "Let me just finish these."

"No rush." I gestured that I'd go back inside and wait; it was freezing outside. Not exactly the weather for a barbeque. At least not since the chill in the air really was biting my ass these days.

I was sitting in the kitchen, twiddling my thumbs when Charlie came inside and placed a tray of steaming T-bone steaks on the table. My stomach growled at me.

"Help yourself," Charlie said and left to hunt down the address for me.

"Damn," I called out, "You managed to not burn them."

"Ha ha," he replied from the hallway.

Bella had said that she would cook so I'd better not be touching any food. It wasn't like I could shovel down the same amount as I used to, so I had to be picky. Which, right now, pissed me off. Anything that reminded me of how I wasn't a wolf anymore had me all edgy and antsy.

"You sick or something?" Charlie had come back into the kitchen and was eying me and the untouched tray suspiciously.

"Never been better." Hadn't meant to go all emo on his ass, but the damage had been done and Charlie's eyes narrowed.

"Did you and Bells have a fight or something?"

I laughed. "That would hardly kill my appetite."

He gave me the look; the one that said, "Okay, spill it." I sighed, slumping my shoulders like a teenager.

"Lost the wolf," I said, not realizing until right there and then how much it actually affected me. I cared a hell of a lot more about it than I'd thought I had. Well, damn.

"That can happen?" He asked, having gone all defensive on me. Right, Charlie didn't really wanna know about all this stuff.

"Seems like." I shrugged, then added. "And Jonathan got one, without even phasing." I sounded like a spoiled kid at Christmas, whining about the grass being greener on the other side. What the fuck? Why was I being so unstable?

Charlie laughed, which gave me a pause. "Did he steal yours, or something?" He was still laughing. I guess it was his way of dealing with it. After all, it's not like it was the kinda stuff you'd usually strike up for conversation with your father-in-law-to-be, over a tray of steaks. Wait—what?

Steal mine? Nah. That's just stupid.

"Ha. Funny guy," I said, but he'd fed me enough fuel to get the cog's turning. Surely you couldn't take someone else's wolf, could you? Unless—he was taking what was rightfully his.

I think that just knocked the wind out of me, because suddenly I couldn't breathe so good. In fact, it felt like a giant was tap-dancing on my chest. Sadistic fuck.

"Jake?"

The room began to spin and skew. Oh shit, I was gonna hurl. Knocking the chair over in my rushed attempt to stand up I made a pathetic dive for door before my stomach heaved. No such luck. Oh God—just, gross!

"Jake!" Seth yelled.

My stomach heaved and heaved like there was no tomorrow, until all I could do was to dry-retch.

"Fucking gross!" I gasped, finally being able to fill my lungs with well needed oh-2.

"Man... oh crap. Mom's gonna freak!"

"Why is that?" came Sue's voice from behind me, then she gasped. "Oh, Jake." I rolled my eyes and sat back against the wall, edging away from my mess.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "Just gimme a sec, I'll deal with it."

"Is this part of de-wolfing?" Seth asked me and what could I tell him? I had no freaking clue, except that Jonathan had disappeared with Sophia the moment the wolf left me, and now he had one. Jeez, what was next? Was he gonna steal my house too?

"You gave up the wolf?" Sue asked me in surprise.

"Not exactly," I answered in a pathetic voice.

"He fought his imprint," Seth quipped proudly. "He's my hero now." More eye-rolling.

Sue's eyes widened. "I didn't know that was even possible."

"Might be that it's not, I think I just had someone else's wolf," I said through clenched teeth and pulled myself up on shaky legs. It just made so much sense now. But hold up—did that mean that I was never really meant to phase? Not sure how I felt about _that_.

I caught a glimpse of Charlie's strained face out of the corner of my eye and sighed.

"Sorry, Charlie. I'll be quiet about it."

"No, no," he sputtered. "It's fine. I'm good."

I cocked an eyebrow. "You sure look it, Chief."

He huffed.

"I thought you would've all known by now, it's been three weeks." I turned to Sue. "Got a mop?" She nodded and I waited while she went to get it.

"So," Charlie started, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "You're all... normal now, right?"

My eyes narrowed as I took in his expression. He was up to something.

"Yeah," I drawled.

"Ah," he said finally and eyed my hand. "Huh." Then he turned to me with a smirk on his face. "Good."

Huh?

Next thing I knew the crazy son-of-a-bitch decked me.

"Fuck!" I sputtered, clutching my nose. Hey, who needs a nose when you're not using it to sniff out leeches anymore? "Think you missed something; take me out completely next time so I won't have to be around for the pain." I ground my teeth together.

Sue ripped into Charlie, and so did Seth. What the hell had I done?

"That's for knowing my baby girl was gonna marry a—vampire and not giving me a heads up," he stuttered.

What?

"You knew!" I stared at him.

"After that day when Bella slipped up I made a call to _Dr Cullen_, who gave himself away before he could finish his poor attempt at covering it up." He had a smug look on his face, but he didn't look pissed. What a spin-out. And still he planted his fist in my face!

"Jeez!"

"Knew there was something not right there, they were too well-behaved!"

"Yeah," I muttered. "Usually when people have manners it means they're vampires. Better call Van Helsing because half the population might be bloodsuckers, Chief."

"Don't make me hit you again, Jake, I'll do it gladly."

"Bring it, I wanna go to la-la-land, this shit hurts!"

"Charlie," Sue warned, and just like that he was pulled into line. God, not even Charlie could resist being whipped by a woman. Maybe I shouldn't feel so guilty about his daughter having me all tied up around her little finger. Sucker for Bella, remember? Yeah, no matter what she did I'd forgive her. Even if she let my brother kiss her, who's got the hots for her, literally. But hey—if he had my wolf, then that would mean that—I pumped my healthy fist in the air.

"Fucking right doggy!"

"Watch your mouth in my house, Jacob Black."

"Sorry, Sue." She was the boss.

Sophia was Jonathan's imprint, not mine, and he hated her guts. Wow—it could really piss him off to learn about this. It was almost too good to be true.

"Go get yourself cleaned up, Jacob," Sue ordered and Charlie offered me a hand. Begrudgingly I took it and let him pull me up.

"Sorry about the nose," he said gruffly.

"No worries, didn't need it anyway." I walked to the bathroom on wobbly legs. When I saw my reflection I groaned. Bella was gonna freak about this. All those years of jokes about his shotgun and the old man decided to do it the old fashioned way. Suppose I deserved it, though. Can't be nice to find out everyone around you has been lying to you for years. Even your best friend and your daughter. When me and Bella decided to have kids kids I was gonna enforce a "no-lies" policy. This just wasn't healthy on a long-term basis.

After I'd gotten myself fairly cleaned up I finally got Renee's address of Charlie. Then I decided to leave before the geezer figured out something else to punch me for.

As if the day hadn't been weird enough I came home to find Billy's small kitchen and his living room crowded.

"What's going on?" I asked as I stepped through the door. It smelled of sweat, dirt and something delicious. My stomach growled again and that's when I spotted Bella through the trunks of male-chests. My heart melted. God, she took my breath away.

She turned and glanced in my direction, her face falling.

"Jake!" she exclaimed and started elbowing her way through to me. When she finally reached me—after much grunting and apologizing—she reached up, caressing my face with her small hands. "What happened?"

"Your dad punched my face," I said cheerfully, having gotten over my little spat. I was turning into a girl and I'd have to watch it or next thing I'd start throwing temper-tantrums.

She frowned. "What?"

I pulled her into my arms. "You heard me."

"What for?"

"I didn't save you from the walking dead," I told her meaningfully and for a moment she didn't get it, but when she did her eyebrows shot up, her eyes widening like saucers.

"Oh no," she whispered.

"Yeah," I agreed but cupped her face with my good hand. "I let it slip that I wasn't indestructible anymore," I continued, watching her face closely. Her eyes left mine for a moment, guilt crossed her face and she started throwing herself into another apology.

"Jake," she said seriously. "I don't care what you are, only _who_ you are. You're the man I love, with or without a wolf. I'm sorry for being so stupid." Then a little smile started playing at the corner of her mouth, curving it upward as her eyes glinted mischievously. I cocked an eyebrow.

"Bells?"

"I've made arrangements, so you and me will be spending _all_ weekend in bed." Her hands traced down my chest, playing with my shirt suggestively. My body reacted instantly. I groaned when her fingers traced along my lower abdomen, causing my stomach to tighten painfully.

I leaned in, kissing her cheek. "You're a dangerous creature, honey," I whispered thickly. She wriggled against me, which made her rub against all the right places. I hissed. "Careful or I'll take out the back," I threatened, nipping her ear, eliciting a soft gasp from her. Then I pulled back. "So, what's for dinner?"

She smirked. "Spaghetti Bolognese."

Then it registered what she'd told me, as the blood started returning to my brain. "Hang on—what did you mean by 'having made arrangements'?"

"You've got an extra builder for your roof," she quipped and started walking back toward the stove but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back. I had a good guess, but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt before I went ballistic.

"Who?"

She squirmed, then shot back defiantly. "Jonathan."

"No fucking way, Bells. That asshole ain't touching _my_ house." I could feel my previous anger come back to life and I dropped my hand from her, shoving past Embry who had opened his mouth to say something but he closed it again quickly. Smart move. Where was he anyway? I was gonna tell him once and for all to stay the hell away. No way was he going to lay one of his filthy paws on anything else that belonged to _me_.

"Hey, Jake, what happened to you?" Quil gave me a wary glance.

"Long story, where's Jonathan?"

"Don't you think you've made your point already?"

"Obviously not well enough," I said through gritted teeth. "Now, where the fuck is he?"

"Jeez, calm down." He rolled his eyes. "Think he's out the back with Billy—Jake!"

The guy was planning a takeover, I could see it happening. He wouldn't be happy until he'd taken everything from me. Fucked if I would stand by idly and watch it happen. Embry stood in my way, blocking the door.

"Seriously, you need to calm down, what's gotten into you, Jake?"

"Get out of my way," I growled.

His eyes narrowed. "You okay?"

"Do I fucking _look_ okay to you?" I shouted, shoving my fist in his face to wave it around demonstratively. "See this?" Then I pointed to my banged up face. "And see this?" Whoa. My head was spinning. "But that's not all. He makes a move on _my _girl, then he's gonna make a move on _my_ house. But no, that ain't enough, now he's out in _MY_ garage! So, get... the _FUCK_ out of my _WAY, Embry!_"

"Jake!" Bella reached out, placing her small hand on my arm, then she snapped it back. "Jake," she whispered. "You're-"

That's when, for the _third_ time that day that I felt my nose crunch, and next thing I knew I was being pushed out the door and dragged down the ramp, before being shoved a few feet forward. I stumbled but caught myself before taking a nose-dive.

Bella was yelling something but I couldn't hear because my ears were buzzing and—holy fuck! I stared at Embry who had Bella in a firm grip and she stared back at me in shock.

My whole body was vibrating like a freaking jack-hammer.

"What... the... hell," I managed between tremors.

"You've gotta be shittin' me," Embry said as he ogled me.

The moment I felt that familiar lick of heat up my spine I locked down in horror. Had I been wrong? Had it been a fluke? Hadn't I really fought the wolf off, and was this him making a comeback because I was getting pissed off? If that was the truth, then that meant that I was still imprinted on—God, no. No no no _no_. Heat continued to shoot up my spine, but it was different this time, it radiated into my arms, legs, hands and feet, leaving me tingling all over. Lastly it hit my chest, where it coiled around my heart. I could feel the pounding of it resounding in my ears, and just like that I stopped shaking. Whatever had just happened it had been impossible to stop, and I hadn't even found it in me to be able to fight against it. I hadn't wanted to. Why would you want to stop the blood flowing through your veins into your heart? That's what it felt like.

I felt—warm. Just so warm. It was freezing cold outside but not even when a breeze swept in from the ocean did I so much as twitch.

Then I noticed them all standing there, gaping at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Did you just..." Embry couldn't finish.

"Phase, without phasing?" Quil finished.

"Do I look like I've phased?" I rolled my eyes.

Paul laughed. "You still look like a dickhead."

"Your nose looks better though," Embry said, having found his voice again.

"Well, well, look who decided to join the party." I turned my head in the direction of the garage where Jonathan came walking, Billy wheeling himself after him.

"You." This was a long time coming, and I wasn't gonna wait one more minute. Jonathan raised an eyebrow, then recognition registered in his eyes. He cracked me a huge smile.

"Bring it, little brother."

"Damn right I will," I growled, unbuttoning my pants. He followed suit, a bit more clumsily I might add, which made me feel a hell of a lot better. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sam, Paul and Jared coming toward me and a snarl ripped from my chest, making them pause. My clothes were coming off faster than I'd ever managed to shed them before, and the moment I kicked my boxers to the side I lunged. Jonathan was shaking violently, but when I reached him I crashed into fur, my jaws snapping, the need to sink my teeth into him taking over everything else.

_Jacob?_

Oh. That's right, he probably didn't know anything about the linked minds of the pack.

_Linked minds?_

_Shut the fuck up and fight me, you pussy!_

I sidestepped when he lunged then he came after me again, an irritated growl rumbling in his throat.

_Who you calling a pussy, I'm not the one dancing around like a girl._

_I'll show you dancing, asshole._ He wasn't observant enough, and I was gonna take advantage of him being a rookie. So when I came at him he didn't know what hit him and I let my teeth rip through his flank. He yelped.

_That's for being the smug ass that you are._

He whined a little but made a comeback, which kinda stunned me because next thing I knew I was sent crashing into the doors to the garage.

_That's for being a child,_ he barked out a laugh. Oh no, he didn't.

_Oh yes, I did._ He paced back and forth, his head held low and his tongue lolling as he watched me scramble off the ground. Okay, now I was beyond pissed, he did _not_ just give me a wolfy smirk. He barked out another laugh and that did it. I launched myself at him, and unbelievably he took off, running.

_Hey! Come back here, coward!_

_Catch me, squirt._

What a dweeb. I'd catch him all right. I couldn't believe that he'd just bolted.

_Jacob?_

_Embry? What the hell are you doing here?_ I thought I had gotten rid of them-

_Looks like you're not Alpha anymore,_ he taunted.

_You lost it when you fought your imprint, douche, now you're in for eternal damnation!_Quil!

_Jacob, what's going on?_ Sam was here too? I knew it was too good to be true.

_Get out of my head!_ Jonathan was freaking out, and I couldn't help feeling smug about it.

_Welcome to hell,_ Jared greeted him cheerfully, and I groaned.

_You've got to be kidding me,_ Jonathan had come to a stop and I caught up with him quickly, diving onto his back and knocking him down to the ground. I pressed my paws into him and he winced. Moving my muzzle closer until it was inches from his I let a feral snarl rip from my chest.

_Stay the hell away from Bella. If you touch her again I _will _castrate you, tie your testicles up in a pretty bow and send them to the west-coast. Sophia mentioned she wished you'd imprint on her so you could NEVER leave. I'm happy to oblige if you don't keep your filthy paws to yourself. Are we clear?_

He flinched, then images hit me of a very pissed, confident and holy shit it was sexy—she was basically twisting his balls as she laid down her own terms, threatening to hunt down Sophia.

_She was epic, _Embry was enjoying it a bit too much and I growled. But that wasn't all, I could feel all of them holding her in much higher regard than I'd ever dared to hope. Even Paul was admiring her.

_It was a case of momentary insanity, got caught up in the moment and all,_ he explained defensively. We all laughed at him.

_Aren't you cute,_ I said.

_Screw you!_

_Rachael's really got you whipped, hasn't she?_ I chuckled when he growled.

_This is like kindergarten all over again, do you guys even know how to be quiet? _Jonathan shoved me off him with a snort.

_You'll learn to live with it,_ came Sam's amused thoughts.

_I'm outta here—wait, how do I—_then he was gone. My tongue lolled as I smirked at Jonathan who was standing in front of me in the buff, looking irritated.

_Guess he's a quick learner, _Embry thought.

I could feel all their thoughts, confusion and apprehension. Couldn't say I felt content either. It was weird enough to have them all back in my head, but nothing compared to having Jonathan there. It meant that I was in his head, and I wasn't sure how I felt about_that_ yet.

_It's gonna be interesting,_ Quil thought then he left.

_I'm going back to finish my meal, Bella's a mean cook. _Embry took off too and soon it was only me and Sam left.

_How you holdin' up, Jake?_

_Been better. I still don't get this. What the hell just happened?_

Sam's thoughts were as confused as mine, but unlike me he didn't seem too upset about it. Not that I was unhappy about having my wolf back, or new wolf, as it were. Although it felt strange. Sure, I felt good, though, in the aspect that there was no confusion in regards to Bella—as soon as my thoughts went in that direction I locked down, not wanting to share our intimate moments with Sam.

_It's good to have you back,_ Sam let me know and in a way I shared his feelings on the subject. It _was_ good. Being a wolf had been such a big part of my life, and even though I hadn't taken part in anything since Bella left all those years ago I'd realized in the past few weeks that it was damn difficult going back to normal.

_You were meant for this life, Jake. I think things just got screwed up somewhere along the line._

_Yeah, you could say that again._

_Jonathan catches on quickly, I get the feeling that he's done this before, but it makes no sense._

_It makes perfect fucking sense,_ I growled. _His wolf has been around longer than him, it's the same that left me._

A light went on his Sam's mind and I knew that he understood now. This was new to all of us, and it would be a learning curve for sure.

I made my way back to the house while Sam stayed and shared my thoughts and theories. If Jonathan had taken over my wolf, and it had been meant for him from the very beginning then did it mean that he was the rightful Alpha? Both me and Sam winced at that. I guess we would find out sooner or later.

Bella was waiting for me with my clothes in her arms when I came back. She gazed at me with big eyes as I walked up to her, grabbing my boxers to pull them on.

"Your wolf...," she marveled.

"What?" I started tugging my jeans on while studying her face. She looked dazed.

"Your fur, it's different." Her eyes traveled over my chest, then she reached out and touched me with a cold, trembling hand. I shivered and pulled her into my arms.

"Jeez, honey, you're freezing."

"I was waiting for you," she mumbled into my chest. I chuckled.

"You're one stubborn woman, Bells."

She pressed her ice-cold nose into me and I tightened my arms around her. My stomach nearly snarled at me which made her laugh.

"Go inside and eat," she ordered and tried to wriggle out of my arms but I held onto her, not wanting to let her go just yet. She felt too good and I missed her.

"I've been thinking," I started and she tilted her head, looking up at me with a quirked brow.

"Don't think too hard, you'll fry your brain," she mocked. I rolled my eyes and growled at her playfully.

"Better behave yourself, or I'll sic the big bad wolf on ya." It didn't exactly have the effect that I thought it would and when I recognized the look on her face my breath hitched. "Bells?" She kept looking at me, then she bit her lip as her hand slipped down the front of my jeans.

Hello, what was I thinking again?

Right.

"I-" My words choked off when her little hand squeezed me through my jeans. Shit and crap, what had gotten into her? I tried to gather my scattered thoughts, wanting to tell her that I was gonna agree to letting Jonathan build my roof so we could—holy poodles! She worked her hand over me, which sent all sensibility out the window. With a growl I grabbed her ass, hitching her up against me and marched her into _my_ garage(mine dammit!), slamming the door shut and latching it from the inside. We hadn't made love for two days because of crazy work- and house building-schedule. Pent up sexual frustration? Yep, check.

I put her down, but didn't let her go, instead I backed her against my workbench, latching onto her neck while my hands roamed down her body. She gasped when I yanked her pants down. I moved my lips over her throat up to her jaw, across to her mouth. Her hands fluttered up my chest and back down again, around the back to rake her fingers across my skin. I groaned into her mouth when her fingernails dug into my back.

"I gotta have you, Bells, I can't-" she cut me off with her tongue, and I happily met her enthusiastic kisses. My hands gripped her hips and I ground against her, needing the friction only her soft body could give me. She whimpered, moving her hands to shove at my pants.

"Now," she rasped, "I want you inside me. Now." I could definitely live with that. I looked around and my eyes fell on a crate. I wasn't gonna have my girl's delicious ass on my dirty workbench, so she was gonna have to let me do it like the dog I was. I let her go and went to kick the crate over to her, smirking when her eyes widened.

"Hop on," I ordered. She eyed me warily but got up. I trapped her face between my hands and pressed my lips against hers, ravaging her mouth until she relaxed. Then I pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes. "You're so damn beautiful, honey, and right now I need you so fucking much it hurts." It was true. I was in physical pain. While holding her gaze I slid one hand down her body until I let it dip into her panties. She gasped when I cupped her in my palm, sliding a finger inside her. Shit she was warm, and I could tell she wanted me. Her scent surrounded me and I was overcome with desire. I pulled my hand back and turned her, pulling her panties down. She shivered but I pressed myself up against her, one arm coming around her to run my hand up beneath her shirt until I reached her breast and cupped it. Another whimper slipped through her lips and she pushed her warm ass against me. God, how much control can a guy ask for?

"Jake," she whispered. "I need you." I'd be obliging, for sure, and I used my other hand to guide myself inside her, shuddering as I sheathed myself deep within her warm body. I clutched her to me and began to move against her, my free hand coming around to touch her warm softness, my fingers finding her sensitive flesh to rub gentle circles, making her moan my name.

My mind was reeling when she began to push back against me, faster and rougher. There was no end to the surprises she gave me, and the more we explored each other the bolder she got, which was fine by me. I loved this more confident Bella who knew exactly what she wanted, how to get it _and_ went for it. She placed her hand over mine and started guiding me in faster movements, making my head swim.

"Fuck, Bells," I groaned, feeling the pressure build. I wasn't gonna last long at this rate, but somehow I got the picture that neither would she as her breathing became more shallow. When she began having trouble keeping her hand fluent over mine she gripped the workbench and arched into me, making me go deeper. It was too much, I couldn't hold it and then she clamped down on me, crying out which made me release my heat inside her. I grabbed her hips roughly, trying to keep from losing balance.

I tingled all over and my vision was all blurred.

"God, you felt good," she gasped.

I let out a chuckle. "I think all of La Push knows by now," I teased, pulling out of her. She spun on me, her cheeks flushed and eyes wide with horror.

"Oh, God," she groaned, squeezing her eyes shut and hiding her face in her hands.

"Hey," I said and pulled her hands down, tilting her chin up with my finger. "I don't care, I love it when you're enjoying yourself." I didn't think it was possible but her cheeks flushed a deeper pink. I pulled my boxers up, then my jeans, buttoning them. She followed suit and pulled her own pants up.

"I'm not going back in there," she said barely audible, which made me laugh.

"I won't make you. Wanna go home?" She nodded fervently and I smirked. "Let me just go have a quick word with the guys, I need to make sure they'll keep an eye on Jonathan so he doesn't wreck my roof."

Her face relaxed and she beamed at me. "Oh, Jake!" she squealed. "Thank you!" She bounced into my arms which caught me off guard. Guess we really did need some time to ourselves, because Bella had never squealed before. I brushed my lips across her forehead then told her I'd meet her at home. She nodded and disappeared out of the garage.

When I walked into the kitchen, Jonathan, Jared and Embry were sitting at the table.

"Who's watching Big Brother tonight?" Embry asked, the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Not me, man, that show sucks," Jared said and popped a piece of bread into his mouth, looking at Jonathan who was the only one who had the balls to look at me, even if his expression was weird.

"That show is all about sex, and it's not something I wanna watch others' do." He gave me a pointed look, then smirked.

Jared started choking on his bread while Embry's mouth popped open.

Quil stepped up next to me. "Oh Jake!" he gasped in a girly voice, then busted out laughing. Embry and Jared followed suit, and I could hear Paul's cackle from the living room. The only one who wasn't laughing was Jonathan, but his expression told me enough. He looked downright awkward.

"This is exactly why Bella went home," I muttered, feeling sorry for her. Personally I didn't care if they'd heard, the only thing that bothered me was Jonathan's obvious discomfort.

"Guess she missed that hot-" I punched Quil before he could finish the sentence. "Ouch! Jeez, man!"

"Don't dis my girl," I said evenly.

"I'm going home, tell Bella thanks for the dinner." Jonathan pushed off the chair and dropped his plate on the bench before walking past me.

Jared and Embry exchanged a glance then shrugged.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"Not used to super-hearing?" Jared suggested.

"And what a way to find out," Embry said with a chuckle but wiped the grin off his face when I shot him a look of warning.

"I'm gonna go too, but I wanted to make sure that you keep an eye on Jonathan tomorrow. Bella told me about the deal she made with him, so don't let him mess it up."

"We've got it," Sam called out to me from the living room. "Go home and spend some time with Bella."

Paul snickered. "Have fun!"

I rolled my eyes and walked out. "See ya, dad," I called over my shoulder.

Jonathan hadn't left yet, and he was leaning against the bull-bar of his truck, his arms crossed. I sighed, getting the feeling he had something to say.

"Is it true?" He asked.

"What?"

He sighed. "About Sophia," he clarified with a grimace.

"Looks like," I replied, smirking.

He swore and raked a hand through his hair. "Does this mean I can't be with anyone else?" He asked after a moments pause.

"Guess you'll have to find out." I went for my car, but he came for me and shoved me against the rabbit, making it shudder. He glared at me.

"Can you get over yourself for one minute so I can talk to you?" He let out a frustrated groan and stood back.

"Okay. What's your problem?"

"My problem?" He stared at me.

"You heard me."

He shook his head. "Look," he said, looking at me. "I know you don't like me-" I let out a laugh, and he exploded. "You know what _your_ problem is, Jacob?" He didn't wait for me to answer, but I guess it was a rhetorical question. "For someone who recently had his whole life turned upside down you're exceptionally dense."

A growl rumbled in my chest. "Are you serious?"

"Dead-serious," he shot back. "Get off your high-horse for one minute and maybe you'd see that we're not so different."

"I'm _nothing_ like you!" I hissed.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah." He threw his hands up in frustration. "And _I'm_ the one with the problem. Must be great being you then."

"Pretty much, yeah."

His jaw tensed. "Fine. Whatever." Then he turned and walked away.

"You walk away, that's your problem," I called out after him. He stopped, his back stiff. "When the going gets tough you run away." He turned slowly, but his face was all guarded now. Guess I'd hit a sore spot. "It tells people that you don't give a shit." I suppose I should know all about that. I'd spent many years not giving a shit.

"Sometimes you _have _to walk away, either that or go under," he said, and I could tell that he was thinking of something specific, judging by the misery in his eyes. He was one fucked up cookie.

I shook my head. "Giving up is not an option, you can fool yourself, sure, but ultimately it'll come back and bite you in the ass."

Something unlocked, something clicked. "I used to care a hell of a lot about Sophia," he said roughly. This wasn't something he wanted to talk to, but he'd started now, so I let him continue. "You could say I was in love with her, but I was young."

"I was told that my feelings for Bella weren't real, that it was just an infatuation, a crush. Look at us now, I fought for her, even when _I_ questioned it."

He couldn't look at me anymore, so he focused on something above my shoulder. "She's worth fighting for, Sophia isn't. You'd understand if you knew her like I do."

"She seemed fine to me, maybe a bit crazy, but hell, Bells married a vampire. If that don't qualify for crazy I don't know what does." It made me smile, in spite of everything I could see the funny side of it now.

His eyes were back on me now and he looked shocked. "That guy she went to Dartmouth with?"

"Yep."

"That's..." He trailed off, unable to form a response. I could relate to that. "Sick," he said after a long pause.

"That's what I told her. Many times."

For a while he just stood there, deep in thought, then his face sobered up. "Still, you don't know Sophia."

I pulled out my phone to check the time. I had a little bit more time, and I really wanted to know what this Sophia had done that would be so unforgivable. I couldn't think of anything that Bella could do that ultimately wouldn't allow me to forgive her, or want her.

"Tell me, then," I suggested.

He took a deep breath. "I don't even know where to start, but I guess one of the worse things was that she headed over to Brooklyn one night, she was 14, I was 15, and she took my mom's car. The next day the police showed up at our house in New Jersey and took her down the station where they asked her about the drugs in her car. She protected Sophia, and let herself do the time for it. I ended up in a foster home where the guy not only flogged the shit out of me, but—it wasn't pretty, so I ran away."

"That really sucks, but at 14 kids do stupid things."

"I don't care about the abuse, what I care about is that my mom's reputation got ruined for Sophia. When she found out she didn't even have the decency to be sorry."

"Again, at that age it's common to be selfish. If she regrets it all and wants to make amends, and you used to love her, why can't you give her a chance?"

Jonathan came closer and looked me straight in the eye, his eyes dark and angry. "I have given her a million chances, and every time I took her back she turned around and fucked it up again." I was gonna cut in but he wasn't finished so I shut my mouth. "Sure, she's beautiful, and she'll make you laugh and make you feel like you're the luckiest guy on the planet, but on the other hand she also makes you wonder what a fucked up sap you are for not seeing all the signs."

"What more has she done?"

"She slept with my best friend, that was the latest, when she found me in Dartmouth. Her dad owns some corporation and has offices in New York, L.A., Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco—big money. She can just float around and do nothing, so she follows me."

"Maybe she had a shitty childhood, rich people always have problems, the more money they earn the more problems they seem to find too."

"I know she has problems. Her dad's an asshole, and her mother is in jail. Not because she did anything wrong, more because the dad doesn't want anyone to know he fucked a native American."

I sucked in a sharp breath. "She didn't look like one," I forced through my teeth. If there was one thing I couldn't take then it was people with racial issues. I hated the prick already, and felt all the more sympathetic toward Sophia. "So why is he taking care of Sophia, then?"

"Because the mother said she would make him pay if he didn't."

I grinned. "Is he superstitious?"

A slow smirk spread across Jonathan's lips. "I think he has good reason to be, knowing what I've learned since coming here."

"Touche."

His face grew serious again. "Bottom line here, Jacob," he said evenly. "I don't love her anymore, she burned all her bridges last time I took her back and she went after my best friend. I don't want her around. I'm sure you can sympathize with not wanting to have that decision taken away from me."

I tried to picture Bella sleeping with someone else, but honestly I couldn't see it happening, let alone try and imagine if it would make me push her away. Pathetic, I know. But I could, however, relate to what he was saying. Having your choices taken away from you was a bitch.

"Right, I get it. So, what are you asking me?"

"I'm not asking anything. But, it would be nice if you'd show me some respect and ask for help if you need it. I don't need to be blackmailed into anything. Believe it or not, but I'm all about family, and you and Bella are part of it now. If you need something, ask." He was sincere, that much I could see, but he was also being decent; no sarcasm and no smartass comments. It made it difficult to be pissed off at him for—no, I was still pissed that he'd kissed Bella.

"Are we gonna have a problem," I asked suddenly, pointing between him and me, "with Bella? Can I trust you to stay away from her?"

"I won't lay one finger on her," he promised without hesitation. I wasn't sure if it was because he truly meant it or if it was the imprint-thing doing the talking for him. Either way I guess I could give him the benefit of the doubt.

I nodded. "Right. I'll go out on a limb and trust you. But I swear-"

"Jacob. You don't need to threaten me."

I cracked a smile. "Sure I do, you're still an ass." He rolled his eyes.

"And you're still a squirt."

"Rather that, than an ass," I quipped.

Before he left he promised that he wouldn't ruin my roof and I told him that I'd make him rebuild it if it turned out anything else than perfect, even if it meant he'd have to be out there in a snowstorm.

On my way home I thought about everything that he'd told me and I came to the conclusion that I would make an effort to be more polite. Not because he'd had a fucked up life, or a psycho-ex (who I wasn't sure was a psycho, yet) but because tonight he'd shown me that he could hold a conversation without cracking a joke about everything, and the guy was gonna give me some extra spare time so I could spend it with Bella. _That_, if anything, gave him extra brownie-points. I, on the other hand, would lose some of mine because I'd have to leave for work as soon as I got home, which wouldn't make Bella happy. At least we'd have all day tomorrow, and all Sunday. Plenty of time to make up some plans and do something together. If we even managed to get out of bed, that is. I shifted in my seat, my pants suddenly feeling a bit crowded. Great. Going without sex for two days hadn't been good for my health, or my pants. Maybe I could get away with being half an hour late for work. I'd take my chances.


	9. Love & Hate

_Try to find out what makes you tick.  
As I lie down  
Sore and sick.  
Do you like that?  
Do you like that?_

_There's a fine line between love and hate.  
And I don't mind.  
Just let me say that  
I like that  
I like that_

_Diary of Jane  
By  
Breaking Benjamin_

**~* Love & Hate *~**

_**Bella...**_

Time flies by when you're having fun, how true is that? The only difference between being a child and an adult while riding along a wave of bliss is that you can really appreciate all the facets of that fun. You can compare it to the bad, tell the difference between the spikes of those good vibes and just the pure everyday kind of goodness. There are so many kinds of happy, but whatever they all were I had been feeling all of it.

Threatening Jonathan had to begin with been sweet redemption for all the frustration he'd brought into our life since he'd showed up. Jacob, however, had come home that day and told me about their little talk. I'd been surprised, at first, about his changed attitude toward his brother, but after he'd sat me down and told me about it I'd seen a glint of hope in his eyes. He actually _did_ want to try to build some kind of a relationship with Jonathan. It had made me happy, but also it had made me apprehensive. As much as I knew what a good man Jacob was I also knew that he didn't take kindly to being made to regret something. He didn't hold a grudge, but he had a bit of a temper on him, which I'd also gotten a taste of that day. Not in a bad way, no, it had been more of a frustration-outburst. He'd been tired from all that had happened, and he'd had work, but he'd also admitted how much he was sorry that we'd had so little time together in the few weeks leading up to that day.

I'd felt the sexual tension rolling off him from the moment he'd stepped inside the door, in the way his hands had brushed against my thigh as we'd sat on the sofa, talking about Jonathan. He'd told me he needed a shower, then he'd proceeded to scoop me up and made me join him. I'd never thought you could actually have sex in a shower, even if I'd seen it enough in movies but to me it just seemed like in reality it couldn't really work. Of course, exchange a human man for a Jacob and all awkwardness was thrown out the window. His strength alone took away all prospective things that could go wrong, and as he'd held me up, pinned against the cold tiles he'd given me a taste of a more desperate side of him. Sure, I'd wanted him, but the way his hands had moved over me and the way he'd possessed my mind and body had been all but violent, and it had awoken a raw urge within me that had made me be anything else but careful with him. Not that I'd ever thought I would need to be, and I hadn't, but this had been like unleashing a wild animal. I'd shocked myself, and him. Pleasantly so.

"Bella," came Jonathan's curious question, breaking through my fantasies. I felt the cold winter-breeze bite through the flush of heat that was creeping up into my face. "Are you gonna hand me that thermos or are you just gonna stand there having mind-sex?"

Damn them all and their wolf-senses! Was nothing sacred anymore?

I shot him an irritated glance, hoping it would wash away my blush with a burst of anger instead. He didn't buy it though, of course he wouldn't. Jonathan's senses were so much intense these days, and it didn't make me any more comfortable being around him. Why did I have to be the good Samaritan who'd insisted on coming out here to bring him something to eat and drink?

_Because he's found a new love for family,_ said the little voice inside my head.

It was true. After the roof had been finished he'd moved on to other things, and at this rate he'd have the inner walls done before Christmas. During those few weeks before the snow hit he'd done nothing else but worked on that damn roof and gone to work in Port Angeles. He was down to drinking his freaking whisky only at night and as much as it frustrated me to bits he was actually impossible not to like. Something in him had changed though, permanently, and even if I could see the Jonathan I had met back in Dartmouth I knew that he would probably never return to that. I tried telling myself that it had something to do with the wolf, and with Sophia's newest betrayal, but deep inside my heart I knew that it didn't.

He came off the scaffold, bending down to retrieve the thermos from the basket at my feet and unscrewed the lid while awarding me with his coy smirk.

"I'd tell you to stop fantasizing about me, but I know you can't help yourself, so I'll just stand here and enjoy the show."

Sexual innuendos had made a comeback lately, and I was getting used to it, which was better than letting it get to me. It was what he wanted, after all.

I ignored it. "Are you staying for dinner, or are you going home?"

He sipped the hot coffee, eying me. "Depends," he edged.

"On what?" I blinked, it wasn't like Jonathan to turn down a meal. He was as helpless against his increased appetite as the rest of them, and I knew I could whip up a good meal. His stomach grumbled loudly then, which elicited a responsive smirk from me. "Sounds to me like it's decided."

"Actually, I have a date," he revealed, keeping his eyes on mine.

"Oh." I was stunned. Jonathan didn't go on dates. At least not as far as I knew, he hadn't given any of us the impression that he was gentleman enough to entice a lady to go out with him. Of course, inviting himself to their beds was a different story, but he hadn't been bragging about it lately which led us all to believe that he was settling down. Or maybe it had something to do with Sophia.

She had showed up in La Push the day before the snow hit, the day that was supposed to be the last that Jonathan helped with the house, because the roof got finished that day.

Under any other circumstances, given what a douche I knew Jonathan had been, the whole incident would have made me smug. Instead I'd felt his pain as he'd laid his eyes on her. It hadn't been like watching Jacob when he'd stood, rooted to the ground, shaking uncontrollably.

Sophia had come out of that candy-red car of hers, looked around with a flip of her _black_hair; I guess she was into changing appearances. She'd been clad in clothes that made it seem more appropriate that a red carpet be rolled out in front her, but instead the frozen ground had met her stiletto-heels while her eyes had come to rest on Jonathan's.

He hadn't even fought it. Both me and Jacob had flinched as he'd walked over to her, to scoop her up—squealing in delight—into his arms, and to bury his face in her neck. It had been surreal to watch him put on such a display of emotions and softness. I'd been transfixed as I'd watched them, until Jacob had pulled me out of it by leading me away to give them privacy.

Two days after that Sophia had showed up at Jacob's work, again, but she hadn't even paid any attention to him. As he'd explained it to me, she had acted as if she didn't even know him. Given his position he had been the one to witness Sophia's betrayal, first hand. He had been the one to throw them both—Sophia and her companion—out for putting on an indecent display in front of the clubs' patrons. Not only had she been high, but she'd also been drunk off her ass. So much for abstaining.

The next night, Jacob and the pack had had to pull Jonathan out of his apartment before he'd tore it to shreds and burnt the whole building down. I was glad that I hadn't witnessed it, because the look on Jacob's face when he'd finally come back home, in the early hours of the morning, had been one of exhaustion and torment. Jonathan had resorted to the bottle, but had quickly become furious when his high temperature had burned off his attempts at drowning in a stupor. Me and Jacob had been interrupted, in the worst possible way, when Jonathan called to rave and to demand answers.

Afterward both me and Jacob finally relented and could begin to see what Jonathan had been trying to tell us about Sophia all along. He hadn't even been smug about it. For one week the whole pack had suffered Jonathan's destructive thoughts before he'd managed to reel it all back in, asking Jacob if he could help with the house. Jacob had been unsure at first, not wanting to come to find our house burnt to the ground in a fit of rage, but after one week of supervising and showing Jonathan what needed to be done he'd pulled back, satisfied _and_ surprised at how quickly he picked up on everything. He actually had a natural affinity for this, which had shocked Jonathan the most, but he'd seen the distraction as a saving grace.

Sophia had disappeared again, and we were all beginning to get the picture that this is what Jonathan was cursed with. Every few weeks or months she would show up, turn his world upside down, only to leave him broken again. Even if he managed to bounce back fairly well, and record-fast, _I_ saw that it was wearing him down. So, when he told me that he had a date I tried to wrap my head around it. Had Sophia come back? Or was he going to try to find some semblance of happiness, for whatever time he could?

"I'm sorry, sweetie. You and me, we just wouldn't have worked out," he said, winking at me when he caught the mood of my silence.

I huffed, trying to mask my concern. "Yes, I'm heartbroken," I snorted, waving my hand at him while crossing the floor to look through the large windows, opening up to the breathtaking view of the ocean. I could imagine that this would be a spot I would use often. Jacob was nothing short of a miracle-worker. How could someone so undeniably male create such delicate beauty? It was all his plans, his very own design. The house was far from flash, or fancy. It wasn't small, but it wasn't big either. It was just right. But, as I stood in what would be the living room and gazed at the scenery that was so perfectly in harmony with the location I couldn't help but smile. The windows reached from the floor, all the way up to the loft ceiling. They were set in rich cedar, as were the glass-doors that opened onto the terrace.

Jonathan had come up next to me, but he stayed quiet, probably sensing that this was a moment I wanted to stay in for just a little bit longer.

I sighed in frustration, being pulled back to reality as the heat radiated from his body, seeping through my jacket. It was more than freezing here, it was agony.

"Surely you must feel cold now," I said through my clattering teeth. "I don't think it's _ever_been this cold here before." Were their bodies so good that they could withstand temperatures dropping this far below zero? How cold was it anyway?

"Rather toasty over here." He gave me a suggestive grin.

"Don't even think about it," I shot back.

"Suit yourself."

A shudder ran through me as I stood there, watching the reflection of the setting sun in the waves. I heard him scoff, then in the next beat he stepped behind me, wrapping me into his arms before I had a chance to protest.

"Don't be stupid," he said with a low chuckle when I tried to wriggle free. "I'm capable of behaving and it's just an innocent attempt at keeping you from freezing to death."

It _was_ freezing, and while wanting to get away from him I couldn't deny the immense relief I felt as the heat enveloped me, warding off the cold and keeping it from seeping into my bones. A minute or two wouldn't hurt so I could drive my car back to Billy's place without fearing that my convulsions would send me flying into a ditch. I pushed the knowledge of what I knew he felt for me out of my mind and allowed myself to sink into his embrace.

"'Atta girl," he said, tightening his arms around me ever so gently.

"Don't get any ideas," I warned when I felt his warm breath in my hair. He laughed lightly, shrugging.

"Can't blame a guy from making the most of it."

I huffed.

"Your hide, not mine," I told him, knowing that Jacob would find out more about this moment and whatever was going through Jonathan's mind right now than I ever could. Not that I wanted to know what he was thinking. Although, as the silence began to stretch into more than a minute or two and being in his arms became more and more comfortable I found myself nearly desperately wanting to know what made him so quiet.

"Jonathan," I began and shifted to remove myself from him when his arms locked around me.

"One more minute," he whispered against my hair, just above my ear. I shivered, and tilted my head away from him. I felt his chest expand as he inhaled deeply, only to expel his breath in a sigh.

"You have no idea how much I wish Sophia had your sense of loyalty," he said thickly. I stiffened, then he continued, his breath in my ear. "It's one of the many qualities I love about you." My heart sputtered in my chest and I began to struggle against him.

"Let me go," I choked out, my body reacting irrationally to his close proximity and his soft words. This was the part of Jonathan that I wished would be more evident, because it reminded me of who he was and what I had felt back in College, but I also wished he would keep it to himself because of how my senses were now betraying me. I knew for certain that I didn't want him, and that I loved Jacob more and more for each day passing by. I wasn't stupid though, not even me could deny the attraction between me and Jonathan. It was making me angry now that he played on my weakness, because he _knew_ how he affected me, and he _knew_ that I didn't want this, yet he _still_ insisted on putting us in situations that broke down both our defenses. "You'll pay for this if you don't let me go, and so will I. Please," I begged barely audibly.

"I can't actually do anything," he said brokenly, then released me. I spun on him, biting my lip when I saw his vulnerable face. "No matter how much I wish—" He grimaced, choking on his words. Why would he even try? Why did he do this to himself?

"Why are you going on a date then?" I shot back defensively.

He sighed. "It's not really a date, it's business, it just happens to be a woman."

My eyes narrowed. "Why did you say it was a date?"

"Trying to make you jealous, of course," he said, unashamed. There was a glint of mock humor returning to his eyes and I groaned, shoving past him.

"I need to get dinner started," I said, walking toward the door, but then I stopped, half-turning in the doorway to look at him. "So we won't be waiting for you I take it?"

"Nah, I'd rather not right now. I'm sure you understand." The humor was gone and he just looked miserable. A lump of guilt weighed in my stomach, even if I knew I shouldn't feel anything at all about rejecting him.

"Don't do this to yourself," I said, making myself soften. "It's pointless," I added, wishing I didn't have to see the things that I saw in his eyes.

He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets offering me a wry smile. "You can't help who you love."

I was floored, my lips parted in shock. Having the suspicion nagging at me in the back of my head was one thing, but hearing him actually admit things verbally was something else entirely.

"Jonathan..." What do you reply to something like this? It wasn't like I hadn't experienced someone declaring their love for me before when I wasn't receptive to it. But with Jacob I had been lying to myself, and we all knew now that I had loved him all this time. I didn't love Jonathan though, nor did I feel anything for him, except for the undeniable physical attraction. It was a strange conundrum, and I didn't know how to deal with it.

"I know," he said, still smiling. "You don't feel anything, and it's all right." My feet were still glued to the floor as I watched his face flicker with emotion. He was struggling with himself. Holding himself back because he didn't want to push me, wanting to move forward but not quite being able to either.

_Time to get out of here._

"I need to go," I said again, starting to back out through the door as I couldn't take my eyes off him. When I felt the wind bite into me I finally felt my limbs give in to me and I turned and ran for the car, fumbling with my keys until the _blip-blip_ and the flashing of the lights told me I had it unlocked.

Just as I reached for the door I felt myself being whirled around only to be trapped against the side of my car by Jonathan's arms as he rested both his hands on either side of my body.

"I can't-" was all he managed to choke out before he crushed his lips against mine, a whimper tearing from throat. The rush of heat in my veins and his desperate hands clutching me to him overthrew all rational thought and I moved my lips against his. Angry tears burned behind my lids as I allowed his tongue entrance and my hands flew up into his hair, twisting furiously. Another battle was raging, not only me against him, but him against her. The raw power in his fury as he fought against the tremors that rocked through him consumed everything, until there was only us, locked in a agonizing tangle of lips, tongues and breaths. My pulse pounded behind my ears when his hands found their way beneath my jacket, the layer of shirts. Inch by hard, lean inch he pressed against me and foolishly I clung to him. I had never felt such pain and pleasure that I couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

My mind screamed at me to stop, to run away, to hit him. What good would that do? I'd let him do this, I had _wanted_ him to do this. I had counted on his infuriating persistence. I_hated_ him for playing on my weakness, and I _loved_ the way it hurt. What was wrong with me!

By the time Jonathan pulled away from me I was sobbing, the tears streaming down my face with a vengeance, burning my skin. I lashed out and slapped his face, once, twice, three times. He just stood there, his chest heaving.

"I hate you!" I choked out my scream.

His hands finally reached up to stop my outrageous assault against him. "Bella, sweetie, I'm sorry-"

"Like hell you are!" I roared, jerking my hands from his. "I'm _not_, so don't _you_ lie!"

He blinked. "What?"

I sank down, sliding along the sleek metal behind me, crumbling into a heap on the frozen ground. "I'm sorry, and I'm not sorry—God, I don't know!" I wailed, wiping the cuff of my jacket against my nose. Gross! Jonathan knelt down in front of me.

"Come on, you'll get sick." He reached for me, trying to pull me up but I flailed my arms like a 2-year old throwing a temper tantrum.

"Don't touch me!" I hissed. But he was stronger than me and no matter where my hands hit him I knew that I'd be the one paying for that later. He pinned my arms to my sides.

"Calm down," he begged.

"No!"

"Dammit." He shook me. "You're acting insane."

I stopped struggling and fixed my eyes on his. "I _am_ insane. Insane for trusting you to keep your hands off me, so fuck you!"

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Really, Bella? Didn't know you had such a potty-mouth."

"I'll show you potty-mouth if you don't get your hands off me!"

He chuckled. "Don't tempt me, I love a challenge." But he dropped his hands and stepped away from me, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Don't you have a meal to cook?" He asked then, smirking.

Oh, he was so pushing it. I fumed. Then he shrugged, and stepped around me, pulling the door open and gesturing for me to get in. Angry beyond words I just shot him a withering look and slid into the car.

"Don't you dare phase until I've spoken to Jake about this. If you do, I'll shoot you!" He just laughed and gave me a little wave then closed the door for me.

God, I hated him with a passion!

When I came back to Billy's, Jacob was sitting on the sofa watching TV with his dad. The smile on his face disappeared when he took in what I had no doubt was the face of a madwoman.

"Bells?" He pushed off the sofa, coming toward me. I shot a nervous glance in Billy's direction and decided that this would be better dealing with outside, so I turned and marched back out the door, steering my steps in the direction of the garage. Guilt twisted my stomach when I eyed the crate next to the workbench and I swallowed back on the lump in my throat, refusing to cry.

I turned slowly, meeting Jacob's confused yet worried expression.

"Honey, what happened—are you okay?" The concern in his voice pierced my heart. I shook my head, not knowing how to say it. It didn't matter though, did it? It was disgusting and inexcusable either way.

"I kissed Jon," I blurted. Honesty was the best, even if I didn't feel like someone who should be thinking about honesty after what I'd just done. I watched his face, his eyes, slowly but surely darkening. Why didn't I just pull out a gun and aim it straight at his heart?

_Pathetic, whiny little girl, you deserve all you've got coming._

He turned from me and started pacing, his fists clenching and unclenching. I hadn't even thought of it before but my old truck was still sitting in here, where I had taken it all those months ago when I'd first come back to Forks. It was as if it was looking at me, mocking me, asking me: "Have you had enough yet?" It had witnessed my first slip-up, having had me pressed up against its old, red paint-job while Jake had roamed his hands up my body for the first time. When I had cheated on Edward. Here I was again. Insanity bubbled up inside me as I considered the fact that as I'd cheated on _Jacob_ I'd been pressed up against my "before-car" that Edward had bought me. What was next? Would I end up in bed with Jonathan beneath the roof Jacob and him had built for me? I recoiled from the thought as if it had burned me. No, not even _I_ could sink that low.

"What am I doing wrong?" Jacob's quiet question brought me out of my reverie.

What? I stared at him, baffled. Then he turned his eyes on me, the look on his face unfathomable. The disappointment incomprehensible. My throat closed up.

"What are _you_ doing wrong?" I finally managed to choke out. _How_ could he take this on himself? If I had felt insanity before then, whatever added onto it as I continued to stare at him made me feel like I was having an outer body experience. Someone should come and take me away and lock me up in a padded cell because I was going to lose it.

"Obviously I am not _enough_ for you, Bella!" He exploded and stalked across the floor, shoving me up against the garage-door.

"It's _my_ fault!" I yelled back at him. "You are perfect, Jake. You're everything I've ever dreamed of and more. _I'm_ the one with the problem!"

"Perfect, my ass!" He shouted back, planting his fist in the door next to my head. I jumped. "If I was so perfect, then what the _fuck_ are you doing, huh? Tell me, because I don't get it!"

I sucked in a ragged breath, cringing back from the fury in his eyes. "Jake," I choked out. "I'm sorry." I'd never been afraid he'd hurt me, but with the way his black eyes bore into me I couldn't help the thrill of fear that traveled down my spine. He caught onto it and suddenly jerked away from me, his face twisting in shame.

"Sorry," he said thickly, snatching up a rag to wrap around his hand. I hadn't noticed until now that it was bleeding. Instinctively I held my breath and scooted away from the split wood next to me.

How could I remedy the situation? I had to do something. God! Hadn't I made a promise to myself to be stronger, to stop hurting him? Or was it just set in my DNA to cause misery? Hadn't I had enough? Wasn't Jacob enough? Of course he was! He was my life, my everything. So why?

_He kissed you first, again._

Ugh! What difference did it make? I had wanted it, even if I had walked away, even if I would never act on it by my own accord. Still the end result was the same, I had _kissed him back_. I had pulled him closer, pressed against him. My body had reacted to him. I had_wanted_ him closer still. It hadn't been enough, yet it had been like poison to my mind and my heart. Even now my pulse picked up as I thought about it.

Jacob could easily tell the change of my heartbeat, he would know how my body betrayed me. It made me turn away in shame. One thing was for certain though, and that was that as much as I hated Jonathan for how he made me feel I hated myself even more.

I started to walk away.

"Honey," he choked out behind me and I heard his footsteps catching up to me. "Don't go." He grabbed me, his arms coming around me as he buried his face in the nape of my neck. "I didn't mean to—I lost it, but I would never hurt you. I'm sorry," he mumbled into my hair.

"Stop apologizing, Jacob, I feel rotten enough as it is!" I complained. "If you slapped me then it would only be what I deserved!" He sucked in a sharp breath and spun me in his arms, grabbing my chin to pull it up. Reluctantly I met his eyes.

"Don't you _ever_ say that, Bells." His eyes implored me.

"It's true!" I retorted, tears stinging my eyes. I couldn't stand the way he couldn't stay mad at me. I wanted him to yell at me, to throw things at me. "All I do is hurt you, and still you love me, _still_ you forgive me. I wish you would get angry. Get even!" His eyes widened.

"What are you saying?" he asked under his breath.

"Hurt me back!" I blurted.

His face crumpled and he shook it. "Honey, I can't hurt you. You should know that by now."

Yes, I did know. Oh how well I knew it. It wasn't fair. How could he be so forgiving, how was it possible for him to look at me still with such undivided devotion, unquestionable love when what he should be doing was to hate me? Sure he could yell at me, he could get angry, he would question me and push me. But his feelings for me never dwindled.

"Are you-" he stopped, seemingly choking on the words. "Have you changed your mind? Are you having second thoughts? If you do, then please tell me, honey, I can-"

"No." I interrupted him before he could finish that ridiculous notion. There was no doubt in my mind about Jacob. I wanted him, all of him, always. It would never change, I knew this. There was just something about Jonathan that confused me, that made my body react in ways that my heart didn't understand, let alone my mind. Physical attraction is all I could think of, but I shouldn't be feeling anything. Jacob pleased me beyond anything that was possible, I wasn't lacking—_he_ wasn't lacking. It wasn't like it had been with Edward where I had been _sexually frustrated._ So why was it that I could be in the same room with Jonathan, functioning properly, only feeling that slight whisper of tension, but the moment he invaded my personal space, the instant our skin touched I lost control?

"What is it then?" he pressed, his frustration seeping into me. We both felt it. I was as confused as he was.

"I don't know," I whispered. "I don't want to... kiss him. I don't even try, but when he comes close, when he touches-"

Jacob's growl cut me off. "I thought you said that _you _kissed _him_!"

I groaned. "I did, I _kissed him back_, I didn't even fight, what difference does it make?" I cried.

"Goddammit!" He tore himself away from me, shaking now. "It makes all the difference in the world, Bella! I _asked him_, he fucking _promised_!" I backed away from him, seeing his shape blurring in and out of focus. Then he lost it, lunging forward. In a heartbeat the wolf had replaced him and was tearing up the ground beneath its paws as it raced toward the treeline. The sun had almost set, but it cast golden reflections off his deep reddish-brown fur before he disappeared from my sight.

Fear had me gripped in cold shackles, and when Billy came wheeling himself toward me I still couldn't move.

"Where did he go?"

"He went to Jonathan," I whispered, knowing that it was his definite destination. Jacob was beyond angry and I didn't dare to think what he might do. Billy saw the horror in my eyes and turned his head toward the treeline where my gaze was still fixed. He sighed.

"That boy has his mother's temper."

I tried to imagine a woman with the fury I had seen in Jacob's eyes and it was difficult to imagine, although I had no doubt that a woman couldn't be equally upset when she found out that the man she loved had cheated on her. Add to that many years of secrecy, lies, deceit. Maybe it wasn't so difficult after all.

"It's my fault," I said in horror. As if I could do anything to stop their inevitable confrontation I made my feet move toward my car, slowly at first until I went faster, stumbling up to the door to throw it open.

"Bella, let him go!"

"I can't." It was true. I couldn't. I had caused this, if I had just been strong enough, if I had left faster, if I had just left the basket there and left straight away. If only. Damn these "what ifs"!

I sped down the road at a recklessly high speed, not thinking about the ice on the road. I should have. I should have listened to Billy and stayed. I was pushing 80 when I hit the black ice, sending my car into a spin. The last thing I heard before everything went black was the loud screech of the tires and what I thought was an agonized howl. Maybe it was just my imagination, or the unnatural sound of my tires uselessly gripping at nothing as the trees rushed up to meet me.

All I knew from then onwards, was the darkness. The unending, all-consuming darkness.


	10. The Empire In My Mind

_There is trouble in my mind  
There is dark  
There is dark and there is light  
Lay your hands over my eyes  
As I look deep  
Trough valleys deep and wide  
Across the borderline  
For the empire in my mind_

_By  
The Wallflowers_

**~* The Empire In My Mind *~**

_**Jacob...**_

Impossible.

Not. Fucking. Possible.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on. . . .

There were no words to explain what I wanted to do to him right now. Would it be possible to kill an Alpha, if he hadn't embraced it yet? Would I damn myself to hell, or whatever the equivalent was for wolves with a death-wish, if I roughed him up badly enough to put him out of business for a few weeks? Goddamn it I wanted to, with a furious passion. I snarled as I pushed myself through the trees and came to a grinding halt outside mine and Bella's house.

Jonathan was on his knees, phone in hand, listening intently to whoever was on the other side. He didn't even look up. His eyes stared ahead, the emotion reflecting there cutting through me.

"Shh. Soph, don't talk like that. I'm begging you—no, I promise, just don't do it." His voice was strangled, like a man at the end of his tether, grasping wildly and desperately onto straws, the edge of straws, the fibers in the edges of those straws. All my anger had been instantly snuffed out, like it had never existed in the first place.

"Soph! I'll do anything, please. Please, listen to me sweetie, I love you... don't—no... I promise!" I padded over to him, trying to catch the voice from the other side of the line, but it was too vague, too hushed, as if it was fading. As I came closer and really looked at him I realized he was crying. Again it pierced me, the pain, the hopelessness. Whatever he was feeling I felt too. This bond between us ran deeper beyond what was normal. It made sense. We were brothers.

Brother's didn't try to snatch each others' women. That shit just don't fly. Anger flared in me again and a low growl rumbled in my chest. Jonathan turned his head and, finally, his unfocused and tormented eyes on me.

"I'm not lying, Soph. I can't lie to you, listen... no, don't do it... no. NO!"

My legs gave in and I was on the ground, immense pain like a burning fire cutting me open and a broken howl ripped through me. Simultaneously Jonathan sagged, but not before he released a strangled sound, that sounded like a name. Her name.

In the same moment another sound reached my ears, coming into focus. Screeching tires. A woman screaming. Bells? A massive crack ricocheted off every tree in the forest around us, and another, and another. It was as if the very ground beneath me was trembling. I fought against the heaviness that had dragged me down, fought it as if my life depended on it. Jonathan was motionless next to me and I was torn. Torn between a brother that had shown me nothing but a capability to betray, and the love of my life, the woman who held my heart, no matter what she did with it.

I whined, nudging Jonathan, trying to get a response out of him. What the hell had just happened? A car had definitely crashed, and something told me that it had been Bella. But also, had something happened to Sophia? What? And why did it weigh me down like a truckload of blue whales?

_Goddammit, Jonathan, move it! Get up!_ I continued nudging him while struggling for my legs to hold me, to allow me to stand up. Every part of me seemed to have given up. Where the hell was everyone? Had I been the only one who had heard that? Surely not, it had been loud enough for even human ears to hear it. Fuck! What was wrong with me! The agony was still raw in my body, like a festering wound, and the dead weight of the whales wouldn't let up.

I was going to have to phase back, no clothes be damned, but I couldn't move. It took some effort, but soon I felt my control returning as I moved my own legs. I reached over and hooked my arms around Jonathan, dragging his limp ass up against the steps to the house.

"Jonathan," I tried, giving his face a slap. "Jeez, man, get a fucking grip!" There was still pain inside me, but at least I could move. "All right, I'm leaving your ass here. And," I reached into his pockets, searching for the keys to his car. "I'm borrowing your car," I said and stood up with his keys in my hand. Fuck! I couldn't go driving around stark naked, why did I have to shred my clothes? Yeah, I hadn't been thinking, I'd been mad out of my fucking mind. I'd seen red. My eyes fell on his phone, and I picked it up, noticing that the call was still connected. I put it to my ear. A string of sounds and sirens hit my ear. Frantic voices were shouting. I stumbled back, trying to catch any sense through the cacophony of screams and shouts.

The only thing that I really needed to catch, which set my mind reeling in the right direction was the simple sentence: "She jumped." I ended the call, staring at the phone. Then my eyes went to Jonathan's still motionless body where he sagged against my steps.

His imprint must have—my thoughts couldn't go there. He was my alpha, and if he was in pain, so was I. He was my brother. My mind was trying to process it all, but it was draining me. Numbly I dialed the number to the Clearwaters'.

Sue's frantic voice answered. "Hello?"

"Sue, it's Jake, listen—is Charlie there?"

"He just left, did you hear that?" She asked.

"Yes, I did. I am stuck at my house, without clothes, long story, but I need someone to bring me some freaking clothes so I can get out to the road. Jonathan is—incapacitated, and I can't just leave him. Can you send Seth?"

"I'll tell him." She hung up and I kneeled back down.

"Come on, Jonathan," I pressed. Could I be compassionate and think he was a douche, hating him and feeling guilty for wanting to leave him here, all at the same time? Who decided that I couldn't leave an asshole stranded? Why was it so fucking difficult to rationalize everything that was wreaking havoc on my insides?

The worst part in all this was that I couldn't tell what the hell was wrong. Was it only because Sophia was gone, or was it because something had happened to my Bells? Was it because my twat-waffle of a brother was being a limp-dick? Seriously, he wouldn't move!

For a few minutes I paced back and forth, dipping down from time to time to give Jonathan a good shake, but he was a lost cause. I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around what I felt about it. I was numb, but at the same time a gazillion stupid hobbits were shooting off steroid-sized Gandalf-rockets in my stomach. What a mess. What a fucked-up-beyond-all-recognition mess.

"Jake!"

"Seth! Thank God!" I turned and saw Seth coming toward me, throwing me a bundle before tugging his own clothes on. He stopped in front of me as I started pulling the clothes on he'd given me. I sputtered, "_Now_ you give me boxers? I'm touched."

"Eli and Leah were over one day, and those got left behind-"

"Please tell me you didn't give me dirty undies!"

"What—hell, no!" He rolled his eyes then looked down at Jonathan. "What's wrong with him?" Didn't he feel anything?

"You don't feel that?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Huh?" He gave me a puzzled look.

All right. So it wasn't an Alpha-thing. What the hell was it then? Dammit, I didn't have time for this bullshit! "I'll explain later, I need to get out to the road, did you see anything?"

"No, I didn't, but-"

Sirens cut through the night, and me and Seth stared at each other. "Stay here, and don't move!" I launched across the yard, throwing the door open to leap into the driver-seat. I had the engine revving before the door slammed shut and I threw it into gear.

I had to slam the breaks or I would've crashed right into the side of the ambulance that blew past me like a bat outta hell when I came out to the road. I stared after it then threw the truck, tires squealing, onto the road and followed the flashing. Soon enough Charlie's cruiser came into view, and a cold hand locked around my heart as I saw the black car mashed up in the middle of a crap-load of broken tree-trunks. Holy shit, that car had demolished part of the forest and it was still intact! But the way the car leaned on its side, and judging from the dings that were spread along its once sleek paint-job I figured it had jumped through a few hoops.

Edward-Fucking-Cullen would be my BFF if the girl on the inside was also still intact, but if she was hurt then I'd stay the leech-hater that I knew I was.

"Say your prayers, Eddie, because we could potentially enter the Guinness Book of Records for being the only Werewolf-Vampire BFF's in the history of our kind."

Optimistic thinking was the only thing that held me together enough to drive the car all the way to the scene of the accident, the only thing that stopped me from coming undone as I opened the door and slid out of the seat, and the only fucking thing that kept me from freaking out when I saw the paramedic pull out the pale and limp woman from the car.

Blood. I saw blood. Was it my vision that was fucking up again or was she bleeding? Red was all around me.

"Jake!" Charlie? "Stay back, son. Stay where you are!" he called out. He sounded okay. Or was he in shock, too? I went to take another step closer, my eyes raking over her body, my nose taking in the scent of fresh blood. Its sweet fragrance permeated the air around me, it was so thick I could taste the iron on my tongue. My girl. My beautiful girl.

Hands grabbed me. "Jake," someone said.

"Jake, man, don't lose it. Keep it together," another said.

"Seriously, Jake, get a grip," a third voice ordered. They were all pissing me off, they made no sense. Keep it together? Stay where I was? Don't lose it? Get a grip?

"_Stay calm!"_ And I was locked down. Goddammit, Sam, you fucking prick! "I'm sorry, Jacob. I had to," he said apologetically.

"You better keep that gag up, Sam, because when you drop it I'm gonna fucking drive you," I forced through my clenched teeth.

My eyes didn't leave her when they placed her on the gurney. Why was this happening? How could she be bleeding so much if the car only seemed to have scratches? Shouldn't that be the only thing she would have, too? Who would do this to _my_ Bells? Why didn't I get a say in this? Goddammit Eddie, that car was supposed to keep her safe! Unharmed! Fuck you, buddy, you're still a stinking bloodsucker.

"Jake," Sam spoke again. "She wasn't wearing her seat belt. She knocked her head up pretty bad while the car rolled..." Yeah. You better shut the hell up. Not another word. My mind was closing, I was not here. That wasn't Bella. Not _my_ Bells. No way. I wouldn't allow it.

The chaos inside me was too much, I couldn't trust my lips to form calmly around anything that was straining against the barricade, dying to break free. My throat burned with an ache to scream, but I held it back. My eyes; I just squeezed those fuckers closed because I was not gonna lose it. Tears meant pain, pain meant there was something wrong, wrong meant accepting the scene in front of me. Acceptance would be my undoing.

"Jacob, son?" Charlie spoke, he was close, I could smell Bella on him. My eyes tore themselves away from my girl as she was loaded into the back on the ambulance, refocusing on the man now standing in front of me. Then my gaze dropped to his hands, to the blood. My jaw clenched, the corner of my eye twitched and I allowed my eyes to lock with his.

Hurt. Knock-you-off-your-feet hurt. Miraculously I remained upright.

"Can you keep it together if I take you to the hospital with me?"

"I'll come with him," Sam said, and a growl rumbled deep in my chest.

"All right," he said and started walking away from me. But I moved forward, Sam and some other guy-with-a-death-wish held me, guiding me along.

They talked on the way to the hospital, Sam and Charlie and death-row-deadbeat. It might've been Embry, but I wasn't sure. I didn't care. The only thing I cared about was my Bells.

If she wasn't right, if she didn't pull through this I didn't care who I'd piss off, but there was only one visit I would pay, and that would be to the miserable excuse for a brother who had set it all into motion. If he had died from losing his imprint I'd sell my soul to bring him back to life so I could kill him all over again. Rage surged through me at the mere thought of getting to snap his worthless neck.

When we arrived at the hospital our little entourage turned a few heads as we walked in through the entrance to the ER. There was a bustle of activity; phones ringing and nurses murmuring. I was pushed down into a seat, Sam and, yep, Embry positioning themselves on either side of me, while Charlie walked off.

"Did you see what that car did to the trees?" Embry asked.

"Yes," Sam replied.

He shook his head. "I've never seen anything like it," he mused, seeming amazed.

"What did you expect, a fucking leech picked it. Of course it would be indestructible," I said, my voice flat.

"I thought it was because Bella is such a klutz," he continued, causing my already rigid body to nearly snap from the tension.

"Embry, be quiet."

"Okay. Sorry."

They were all so calm. Was I the only one who felt the insanity?

"Can't you feel it?" I asked in a monotone tone.

"What?" Embry looked at me.

"Sam?"

"I understand that this isn't easy, Jake. But everything's gonna be fine."

They had no idea what I was talking about. While I couldn't afford to let my thoughts wander anywhere else I buried myself in trying to solve the puzzle of Jonathan's connection to me. Was it because we were brothers? I'd never felt any real connection to him before. Not like this. Why would his pain be my pain? I didn't care about Sophia, hell, I didn't give a shit about either of them. For all I cared they could both go back to where they came from.

Too late for Sophia, she'd gone somewhere Jonathan couldn't follow. Although, I could give him a hand with that. I smiled grimly.

Charlie appeared. "She's getting her head scanned," he said, rubbing his face and slumping down next to Sam. He turned his head, looking at me. "What happened, son?"

"I don't know. I left her at Billy's to go—talk to Jonathan. I heard the accident."

"Did you two have a fight or something?"

My teeth ground together. "I s'pose you could say that."

Charlie sighed and dropped his head in his hands. "You kids, I just don't get you. Back in the day if Renee managed to get to me I'd just grab my fishing-gear and go fishing. The worst thing that could happen would be to fall into the water or to get pricked by a hook..." He just shook his head.

Embry laughed, I elbowed him. "Ow."

I smirked.

"Have they said anything?" Sam queried quietly.

Charlie sat back, rubbing his legs. "Broken arm, sprained ankle—those are the only definite injuries. The scans will tell more, but they're suspecting a severe concussion at the very least," he paused, scratching his chin. "I can't believe she would drive off without her seat belt, I'm stumped. Bells has always been responsible."

"It's my fault for freaking her out," I whispered, not trusting my voice to hold.

"What happened?" he snapped.

"Jonathan was being an ass, and I went to kick it."

"What's the deal with you three?"

"Don't get me started, you don't need to know the specifics."

"Son," he said in his usual, authoritative voice.

"Trust me. It's not needed."

He sighed again. "All right."

"Blaming someone isn't going to change anything. Things happen that are beyond our control. This ain't the time to play the blame-game." Sam gave me a pointed look.

"Yeah," Embry concurred. "Besides, Bella attracts disaster like flies are drawn to shit."

"Profound," I sneered.

He shrugged. "Jeez, I was just sayin'. What crawled up your ass?"

"Whatever word-vomit just dropped from your dumb mouth."

Sam took a deep breath. "Guys, enough."

"Fine, jeez." Embry sat back, crossing his arms.

We sat there in silence for what felt like days, while I kept running the past few months through my head, trying to make sense of everything that was happening.

Something nagged at me. It was right in the front of my brain, right on the tip of my tongue. An answer, the reason to why all this was happening. Someone was waving a piece of paper in front of me but my mind was so fogged up that I couldn't read it. It was there. But still obscured by whatever cloud enveloped my brain. Deep in my bones I knew, I fucking knew that I could trust Bella, and I knew that she loved me, more than anything. Just as much as I loved her. It was surreal that she would be interested in Jonathan. Sure, I knew that they'd had some connection back in College, before I was back on the scene.

After she'd come back here, after she'd come to the club that night and told me that she was free of the hooks that the Cullen-fuck had put in her I'd known she would be mine. From that day forward, and nothing was going to take her away from me. Even when Sophia had showed up, with the whole imprint-fiasco, I'd still known that Bella was the one. Fuck, even the wolf couldn't deny it. He'd felt our connection and high-tailed it out of there. So, he'd decided to go to Jonathan instead because—why? Jonathan obviously didn't want Sophia either, and apparently she was so messed up that she didn't even wanna _be here_. What then?

Wait.

No. You can't be serious. The first time she kissed him, when she gave in to him—hadn't she said that he'd been so hot that she'd gotten confused? I groaned as I remembered the jabs the guys had made. Bright. But, hold on now. Back up. Jonathan had the wolf. He'd had the wolf then, and not before. They'd spent plenty of time together before then, but nothing had happened, and if it had I'd know about it, because after all this shit I had to hand it to her. Bella was honest. She didn't lie.

The wolf.

Me and him, we'd been a part of each other throughout all the crap that me and Bella went through. In Edward's absence. When I put her back together. All the times I spent ranting and raving like a child because she wouldn't see me, during all my fights to try and make her admit it to herself that she loved me. That _I_ was the one. That we were meant to be. Our first kiss, the first time she let me hold her hand, the time when she accepted me _and_the wolf. She'd loved the wolf, she'd loved _him_. He had felt my pain, shared my pain when I'd run off after that wedding-invitation. He'd felt my anger when she'd told me about her upcoming honeymoon.

For _years_ we'd been one, sharing the heartache over Bella. He had been just as fucking devastated as I had been. Was he just as helpless in this little imprinting-drama as I was? Maybe he didn't want to have his choices taken away from him either? Maybe he was more part of me than he'd thought, maybe he'd become one with me, after all.

I groaned loudly and buried my face in my hands. "Damn, damn, _damn. Dammit!"_

"What's wrong, Jake?"

The wolf was connected to Bella. She was connected to him. Whatever Bella was to me she was to the wolf. Goddammit! Of course she was drawn to that crust-muncher of a brother. He had _my_ wolf. _Mine._

I raised my head and flashed Embry the stupidest shit-eating grin you'd ever see. "Bella's in love with my wolf. She couldn't care a shit about Jonathan, it's the wolf she's got the hots for."

Embry looked at me as if I had just sprouted horns. "What the _hell_ are you on?"

"What was that?" Charlie's question made me turn my head in his direction. Aw, shit.

"Never mind," I muttered. I got up to stretch my legs. This was one hell of a breakthrough. Instantly I was lighter, the cloud was gone. Everything was coming into focus and yet again, whatever anger I'd felt for Jonathan flew out the window. It wasn't his fault, and it wasn't Bella's fault. Goddammit, how was I gonna get that wolf out of my brother if he was meant to have it? Screw that, I didn't care if my brother happened to be some super-genetic-perfection, that wolf was mine. I'd been the one who'd built everything together with him, we'd been to hell and back, and I wanted it back.

Even if he was broken, which I'm sure he was. But he should know that Sophia would never have fitted into this life either way. Hell, even if she'd still been around I would've wanted the damned wolf back. I'd have fought the imprint, and I know that sooner or later he would've relented the fight too, once he'd realized how fucked up that little thing was.

Maybe I could get Jonathan to give him up? Explain things to him—wait. If he knew what the attraction to Bella was all about, could I trust that it was only the wolf in him that was attracted? No, I couldn't. Jonathan had had his eyes on Bella long before the wolf came around. If he found out about it all, maybe he'd refuse to give it up.

Could I really ask him to give it up, though? Was I allowed to do that? Was it even possible? If I did, what was to say that he'd come back to me? I'd need to talk to Sam about this, because the more I let it bang around my brain the more unsure I got. This whole scenario was unheard of. After all, I'd been the first in history to fight the wolf right out of my body, even if it hadn't been mine, which I just couldn't accept any longer.

We had been one. I knew this. He knew this.

Jonathan hadn't been there, so he'd come to me. Hell, that turd-burger wasn't even cut out to be Alpha. Why should he have him then? Not that I thought I was cut out to be Alpha either, but shit, at least I wasn't a wet stain on the floor. I fought like hell for what I believed in, and Jonathan didn't believe in anything at all.

"Sam," I said as I came up to stand in front of him. "We need to talk. Walk with me." Charlie shot me a curious glance, so did Embry.

"What's going on?" Sam asked as I led us out of the ER and away from the hospital. I stopped a fair few yards out of hearing range, even if I knew Charlie wouldn't leave the ER. Not with his daughter in there. Not that I wanted to leave either, but I needed to get this out of my system before I dismissed it as the insane and desperate musings of a man on the brink of self-destruction.

I just laid it on him, put it all out there. If anyone would've watched us I bet I wouldn't have looked as crazy as I felt, gesturing wildly while Sam stood there, his face stoic. Until I got to the part where I explained what Sophia had done and the state I had left Jonathan in.

"Are you dumb?" He stared at me. "You just left him there?"

"What was I supposed to do?"

"Stay with him, or take him with you. Jake, I know you and him don't see eye to eye-"

"Damn right, we don't," I defended.

"You don't leave a brother behind." He scowled at me.

I ground my teeth together. "I had to get to Bella," I forced through my clenched teeth.

"Seth is there still?"

"I told him not to move."

Sam glanced toward the hospital then back to me. "Can you control yourself?"

"I'll be fine." I glared at him. If he wanted to run off then fine by me, I didn't need more than one babysitter, in fact, I'd be glad if Sam left so he couldn't throw the gag-order on me again. That was one thing I sure as hell hadn't missed.

"I'm going back to the reservation, let me know what happens."

I stood there and watched him disappear before I turned and walked back into the ER. When I came into the waiting area Charlie was gone and Embry sat there looking tired.

"Where's Charlie?"

"He went to see Bella, she's gonna be fine," he said, the relief in his voice and his words washing over me. Everything inside me came unhinged and I sagged down on a seat and let go. I don't think I'd cried so much in my life. It was like a never ending story. Just when I thought I was done it started all over again. I was glad it was Embry there and not Paul or Quil. Embry was a softy, and at least he wouldn't give me a hard time about it. Not that I really cared. Bella was okay. My beautiful girl was gonna pull through.

"Fuck," I choked out. "What a year."

"It's over soon," Embry said. "Looking forward to the bonfire for New Years, I invited Emma." He sounded as whipped as the rest of us love-saps.

"I take it things are working out?"

Embry grinned. "Didn't think it would, but hell, she's so cute. Did you know she came down here a few weeks ago, to tell me that she missed me? Then she left again."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Just to say that?"

He huffed. "_Just_. We hadn't talked for a while, and I thought that maybe she wasn't all that interested. But then she showed up, and since then she can't get enough of me," he declared proudly.

"Whatever rocks your socks, bro."

"She rocks more than my socks," he said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

I groaned. "Don't wanna know."

"Hey. You all have your soul-mates, can't I be happy about a little action, even if it doesn't last?" He wasn't accusing me, but in a way I felt bad for him. It was true that many of us had found someone. It couldn't be easy for Embry, being surrounded by a horde of happy couples.

I rolled my eyes. "All right. Just, keep the details of your action to yourself."

"Easy for you to say," he said begrudgingly.

"Jake," came Charlie's voice. He was walking toward us. "They're moving her into a private room now, you can go see her-" I shot up, but he held his hands up. "_If_ you can control yourself."

I scowled at him. "I've never hurt her, and I'm not about to start now."

"She's not awake yet, and it might take a while. She banged her head up good-" I winced. "Jake, she's fine." He put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing. "Don't give me a reason to hit you again."

I couldn't help smirking. "I dare you," I said, winking at him. I saw the "click" and he dropped his hand. Then he huffed.

"I've still got my shotgun," he warned.

"You'll just leave a mess for the guys to clean up, I'll heal."

"I know a vampire who owes me one," he said then, making both mine and Embry's mouths drop open with a pop. I couldn't believe he'd just pulled that on me. A smug expression crossed his tired features and he winked at me. "Bring it, son."

"Owned." I heard Embry laugh quietly behind me.

"Shut up," I muttered and followed Charlie through the corridors.

Even with the promise that Bella was gonna be fine I wasn't prepared for what I saw when we stepped into the room. The sharp, sterile smells prickled my nose, then my eyes dropped to the bed. I sucked in a sharp breath and pushed past Charlie who bit out a warning under his breath. No one would keep me away from my Bells now.

Her usually pale skin was even whiter, and even having a naturally fair complexion it lacked its usual glow. Instead it had been replaced by a sallow tone and when I touched her hand it was cold as ice. I took it into mine, bending down to brush my lips across her knuckles.

My throat had closed up, preventing any words to be allowed passage. Not that I knew what to say, besides telling her how much I loved her and that everything was gonna be fine.

The machine's bleeped rhythmically, indicating her steady heartbeat, weaker than usual, but sure all the same. I hooked my foot around the leg of a chair, pulling it up so I could sit down next to her.

"I'll give you some privacy," Charlie said quietly. I heard the door close behind him.

A thick bandage wrapped around her head, covering her right eye and majority of her forehead, and her right arm was all bundled up. There was still the faint scent of her blood, although it was dilated by all the other scents that overtook it. At least she would be okay. That's the only thing I could repeat to myself as I watched her, my eyes raking over every inch to reassure myself that the words were really true.

My arms ached for her. I needed her close, to feel her bury her face in my chest like she usually did. To inhale her sweet, warm fragrance, without all these other smells that kept irritating my nose, drowning her out.

"You're gonna be fine, honey," I managed finally, still holding onto her left hand as I reached up to run my trembling fingers across her left cheek. My eyes prickled, feeling her cold skin beneath my touch. Fuck, I wanted to hold her, warm her, put the color back in her face.

The door opened and a nurse came in, picking up her chart before moving to hover over the machines. I didn't pay much attention to her, but I kept an eye on her from the corner of my eye.

"She's one lucky girl," she said, looking down at Bella. "That car saved her life."

My jaw clenched. "You don't say," I replied in a strained voice.

"Are you her fiance?"

"Yep." I could see her cog's turning, trying to figure it all out. Where would _I_ get the money to buy her a car like that. I squared my shoulders, straightening my back. "It was a gift from her ex-husband," I clarified. Not that it was any of her business, and not that I thought she had any right to judge, but because I was actually immensely grateful. Yeah, no record-breaking here, grateful was all he was getting. He was still my enemy, and I would still take him out in a heartbeat.

"Oh," she said. "That's very generous of him." Oh, wouldn't you like to know. There was no end to the generosity of the Cullens. The only saints the vampire-species would ever know. Let's all get down on our knees and sing our praise. I tried to resist the snort, but no such luck. She raised an eyebrow, giving me a condescending look.

"Would you call a billionaire giving away a thousand bucks a generous man?"

She stiffened, then sashayed out of the room in a huff. Yeah, didn't think so. There was plenty more where that car came from. It wasn't like they'd leave themselves hanging. Hell, they didn't even need the money. The only thing they ever really needed was blood. I shuddered.

I sat there for hours, holding her hand, gently touching her face, every part I could. For each hour passing she gained a little color, her skin warmed, whether it was because of me or because she was healing I didn't know. I didn't care. She had to get better, and I wasn't going to leave until she could reassure me with her own words that she was okay. Not that I _needed_ the reassurance, I knew she would be okay, and she knew I was here. I felt her, and she felt me. I could tell from the way her heart fluttered, every so slightly when I pressed my lips to her cheek, telling her how much I loved her and that I'd be here waiting for her to wake up.

"Take your time, honey. I'm not going anywhere."

At some point I slipped out to make a phone call, telling Lee that I wouldn't be in for work until Bella had woken up. It was no problem, I hadn't thought there would be. He understood and he was a good boss. He was a friend.

I must have nodded off during the early hours of the morning, leaning forward with my head resting on my arms, still holding onto Bella's hand. She wasn't so cold anymore.

The sweet, sickening smell burned my nose and I jerked back, like someone had slapped me across the face with a rotting fish. A growl clawed its way up my throat and my eyes snapped to the end of Bella's bed.

"You've gotta be fuckin' shittin' me..."

"Jacob," he said in his disgustingly cultured and polite voice.

"The one and only." I stared at him as his eyes shifted from me to Bella. "Guess you're pretty smug about that car now, huh?"

He smiled crookedly. "No. Just glad she insisted on keeping it."

I grimaced. "I am too," I admitted brusquely.

He raised an eyebrow. "Do I sense the great Jacob Black being humble?"

"Don't fucking bet on it." I flashed my eyes at him as I saw him picking my thoughts from my head.

"Ah," he said. "I'm impressed, Jacob."

I gave him a snort as a reply, making him chuckle. "Guess the pixie saw what happened," I muttered after a moment's silence. He nodded once, his eyes shifting back to Bella. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Keeping my promise," he clarified, as if it should be obvious.

"What freaking promise?"

"Ask me again in a few decades when you might even begin to understand."

Prick. "Feel free to leave," I said finally, not interested in his cryptic bullshit. Something told me this had to do with a conversation we'd had years ago, one night, crammed up in a tiny little tent. He would always be waiting, wouldn't he? Waiting for me to fuck up. Well, as much as I was sure he would be watching over us, waiting in the wings for a day when I'd slip up I knew that there was no way that day would ever come. Bella would never take him back either way. She didn't want that life anymore, so it was just sick that he still waited. Stalker-freak.

He chuckled, reminding me yet again that I was giving him a show.

"Stay out of my head," I warned.

"Your thoughts have and always will be too loud to avoid, Jacob."

"So leave."

"I will. I got what I came for."

"Go home and gloat over it."

"I wouldn't say that gloating would explain my feelings about the fact that you are actually taking good care of her, Jacob."

I stiffened. "Whatever."

At first I thought he was going to walk closer, which had me tensing up like a string on a bow, ready to spring. Either he sensed my intentions or he stopped of his own accord. Whatever the reason I was glad that I wouldn't have to explain why there were shredded clothes all over the place, or a wolf in Bella's hospital-room.

He left without another word. Good riddance.

It took me the good side of an hour to calm down after his departure. The stench of him still hung in the air and I resisted the urge to open the window, which I doubted would be allowed. The air-conditioning would clear it out sooner or later.

The sun was rising again, drenching the room in a warm glow, spilling over Bella's creamy skin. My heart jumped and I stood up, staring at her face. I swore her eyelids moved.

"Honey," I whispered, having leaned in closer. My heart skipped a beat when I saw her eyelids flutter lazily, for the second time. I reached up to stroke her face gently. Her heart stuttered and at first I freaked, wondering if something was wrong. Then her lips twitched. "I'm right here, Bells." I sat down on the edge of the bed, careful not to crush her, and placed my left hand on the right side of her body, supporting myself so I could lean even closer. With my right hand I kept stroking her cheek, her forehead, my eyes roaming her face.

Her lips moved, parting ever so slightly, but the sound that came out was so weak that my heart broke.

"Shh, it's okay, honey. Don't talk. Just rest." I pressed my lips against her forehead, blinking at the wetness in my eyes. Fuck I was a sissy. This woman would have me crying like a girl before this was over, I just knew it, and I couldn't care less.

"Thirsty..."

My heart jumped up into my throat and I resisted the powerful urge to scoop her up into my arms. She's thirsty! Well, thank God! I leaned over and pressed the buzzer. Not even 30 seconds later a nurse came into the room. I was glad it wasn't the same one. Shift-change must have happened during the night.

"She's thirsty," I said thickly. "Can she have some water?"

The nurse gave me a warm smile. "I'll see what I can do," she said and disappeared. I turned back to Bella. I could tell she was fighting to open her eyes. Stubborn woman.

"Bells, save your strength," I ordered softly and a faint line appeared between her brows, her lips moved again.

"Need to see you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. I couldn't help the big smile that broke onto my face. Could I love her more? Was it even remotely fucking possible? All the while I didn't remove my hand from her face, I had to touch her. If I stopped I would die.

Charlie came bursting in through the door then.

"Bells?" He came up next to me, his face alive with emotion, worry, concern, relief.

"Calm down," she rasped out in a cracked voice. Charlie huffed.

"Gave me one hell of a scare, kid," he accused gruffly.

She puffed out a small breath. "Missile-proof," was all she managed to get out. Charlie blinked in confusion but I laughed.

"Bella's car was designed for the middle-east."

"Huh." Then he cracked a smile. "Well suited for my girl then."

"Ha ha," she choked out.

The door opened and the nurse came back inside with a glass of water and a straw, offering it to me with a wink.

"But only a little bit," she told me before turning and walking back outside.

I turned back to Bella, rolling my eyes as I saw her still struggling to get her eyes open. Chuckling I set the glass down on the table next to her bed.

"Honey, stop being so stubborn."

"Stupid meds," she muttered.

"Want that drink now?" I grabbed the glass and held the straw to her lips.

"I'll head on back to Sue's, I'm pooped," Charlie said, giving Bella's shoulder a squeeze. "I'll be back to see you later, kid."

"Okay, dad." Her voice was still weak, but she was getting better and it made me relax. I turned to Charlie, giving him a nod as he left.

"Take care of my girl," he ordered before closing the door. I turned back to Bella, helping her to get a sip from the water. She let out a little sigh of delight.

"Better," she whispered. "Was so dry." I was kicking myself now as I kept watching her struggles, listening to her raspy whispers and seeing the bruises that were beginning to shine through the edges of the bandages.

"I'm so sorry, Bells," I said and set the glass aside, taking her hand again and bringing it to my lips. I kissed it softly.

"Stop," she said. "My fault." I shook my head, rubbing my cheek against the top of her hand. Whatever she said I knew that if I hadn't lost my cool we would've both walked into Billy's kitchen and started with dinner like we usually did when we visited there.

"Let's agree to disagree," I suggested as I continued to kiss her hand. Her usual warmth, even if it was so much cooler than mine, was back and I reveled in the feel of her smooth skin beneath my lips. Even her own scent was becoming stronger and I inhaled deeply. "God, I love you, honey." I was overcome with the desire to kiss her as I let my eyes wander back to her face, watching her soft lips. A faint tinge spread across her cheekbones, and suddenly her heartbeat took off in an erratic flutter. "Bells?"

Her eyelids flew open almost forcefully, and her warm, brown eyes moved over my face. She blinked.

"Jake," she mouthed, only half a sound passing through her lips. Even if it was weak and it hurt my heart it still managed to fill me with such warmth and love that I momentarily forgot about her erratic heartbeat. Until the machine started registering it, and its angry bleeping jostled me out of my daze. What was going on?

A nurse burst through the door, coming up to the machine.

"What's going on?" I demanded. Bella's hand squeezed mine feebly and I glanced back at her. She kept staring at me and for a split second I wondered if she was going into shock, but she kept clutching at my hand weakly, until I realized that she was trying to get me to come closer.

"Her vital signs are good, it's just her heart. Did she get upset?" The nurse looked at me expectantly, her eyes scolding me, as if it would be my fault.

"Jake," Bella choked out a bit clearer this time. I ignored the nurse and leaned in closer, my eyes raking her face for an answer to what was wrong.

"What's wrong, Bells?"

"I'm fine," she whispered.

The nurse huffed. "Young love," she muttered and disappeared. What? How could she leave when there was something wrong with Bella's heart?

Maybe if I'd paid a bit more attention I wouldn't have been such a numbnut. But when you're in the hospital with someone you love so much it hurts and they've just woken up after a traumatic accident you don't expect her to be thinking about much else except the pain, or maybe wanting answers as to what exactly has happened to her.

"Kiss me," she asked me instead. Yeah, that was the last thing I expected. I stared at her incomprehensibly.

"Honey," I whispered brokenly. There was nothing else I'd rather do right now than kiss her, but I wanted it with such a passion that—aw, fuck it. I leaned in and pressed my lips as gently as I could against hers. I shuddered. She was so soft.

Her small hand trembled as she ran it up my arm, across my shoulder to my neck, and finally into my hair. It tangled there as I moved my lips softly over hers, warmth spreading through me. Bella wasn't happy though, because next thing I knew she bunched my hair into her fist and yanked as hard as she could, which admittedly wasn't much, but still impressive for someone in her condition. It was enough to achieve her desired result as it caught me off guard and our lips were mashed together. A tiny whimper mingled with our lips and she sucked my bottom-lip into her mouth. Something inside me flared up, came to life and each muscle in my body tensed. I pulled back, causing Bella to protest.

I stared at her swollen lips, noticing the blushed tinge which made me reach up to touch my own lips. When I drew my hand back I could see a small smear of blood across my fingers.

"You bit me," I said, stunned. My heart was beating wildly, my pulse pounding in my ears, desire coursing through me. Bella was in no position to sate any of the wants or needs that raged inside me, but they were there all the same, and I wanted her. I ached for her so much that it was physical agony.

That's when her scent registered, tightening the pit of my stomach. I groaned and leaned in, pressing my lips against her ear.

"You're lucky you're hurt. I don't know what I'd do to you right now if you weren't." She shuddered in response.

"Love you," she replied in a hushed whisper.

Each hour between now and until I could make love to her again would be pure, utter and undeniable torture. At least I knew now for certain that Bella was going to be just fine, and I was glad that there was no one there who could witness me in my current state. One thing was obvious, I wouldn't be able to leave this room until my anatomy had calmed down, and I doubted that would happen anytime soon. Yeah, being a guy ain't all it's cracked up to be. Sure, we can take a piss wherever we want to and whenever we want to, but a girl could walk out of this hospital right now and she'd have nothing to hide.

I leaned back and smirked at her. "You'll get yours, don't you worry."

The corner of her mouth quirked. "Counting on it."

I shook my head and took her hand, rubbing it gently then I brought it to my lips, while keeping my eyes on hers. Ever so lightly I let my tongue dart out to lick along the length of her finger. Her eyes widened.

"Thanks to you I'm stuck here for a while," I whispered, nodding to my lap, then sucked her tiny little finger into my mouth. Her breath hitched, and her eyes darted between my face and my lap. Slowly I withdrew her finger, watching her parted lips. "May as well make the most of it." I winked. "Or what do you say, Bells?"

Maybe it wasn't the brightest idea I'd ever had, but she'd started it, so I figured she was well enough to take a little teasing. What else could I do?


	11. Broken

_I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating_

_In the pain  
There is healing  
In your name  
I find meaning_

_So I'm holding on_

_By  
Lifehouse_

**~* Broken *~**

_**Jacob...**_

"Um, Jake, what the hell, man?"

"Dude, what are you doing?"

"Spring-cleaning is called that for a reason, and it ain't spring now."

I turned to look at Embry, Quil and Seth who were standing at the entrance to my garage, ogling me like I'd grown a second head or something. Then I glanced at the boxes spread out around me, shrugging.

"I'm trying to find this book mom used to read to me when I was a kid, one of the only memories I have left. I need that book."

"A bit old for bedtime stories, don't ya think?" Quil stepped around a pile and bent down to rummage through a box.

"Is Bella pregnant?" asked Seth.

I sighed. "No."

Embry came inside too to help. "What ya need it for then?"

"It's got our legends in it," I told him and pulled down another box.

"All this de-wolfing and wolf-swapping's erasing his memory," Quil whispered to Seth who had his head next to Quil's as they went through a box.

"My head's fine," I muttered.

Embry chuckled. "Yeah, that's what Bella's said all these years, look where that got her."

"Fuck," I growled. "If you're gonna help, then keep your mouths shut."

They were quiet for a few seconds, until I heard Quil mumble under his breath to Seth, "She's been in there one week, you know what that means..."

"Right, that's it. You," I pointed at him, then at myself. "Me. Outside."

"Jake, come on, man," Embry complained.

"You'll get your turn." I shot him a glare.

It was true. Bella was still in the hospital, she was fine and all, but they didn't want to let her go until the swelling had gone down. Falling on your head is one thing, but having your head bounced around when going at 80mph without a seat belt ain't gonna let you walk away without a few shaken up braincells.

Maybe I was a bit frustrated, too, but come on, I'm a guy, give me a break. It's not like I'm locking myself away in the bathroom or anything. I'm functioning, I'm working, I'm studying and taking care of my basket-case of a brother. A little understanding would be nice, but no, the guys were on a mission to drive me out of my mind.

On top of it all I had to walk around every single freaking day and deal with the dark cloud that hung over me. The bond that existed between me and my brother, between me and_my wolf_ was such a potent connection that I could feel the pain on a daily basis. It never left, it ached in me constantly. The only time I felt all right was when I went to the hospital to visit Bella, which I did as often as I could. As soon as I'd pull into the parking lot at the hospital I could feel the cloud pull away, the excitement and anticipation bubbling up inside me. Dammit, but it reminded me of those times before Eddie came back to take Bella away from me, when I'd heard her truck pull up outside of Billy's and I'd jumped off my bed to rush to see her, grinning like the idiotic child I was. That's kinda what it felt like when I'd walk down the corridor to her room.

"So," Quil said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "We gonna, you know, throw some punches or what?"

Embry and Seth sniggered behind me.

Saved by the bell, my phone rang.

"She's alive," came Jonathan's voice from the other side of the line.

Huh. If she was alive then why the fuck was I depressed and craving chocolate? Okay, not really, but still, I felt depressed.

"How's it possible? She jumped in front of a truck." Was there even one piece of her left intact to hold life? I winced and something stabbed at me.

"She's in a coma, but she's alive. I have to go see her." He sounded tired.

"You sure that's a good idea?"

I could almost feel the crackle through the phone as he got all defensive about it. "I'm the only one she's got, you think that ass-clown of a dad she's got would want anything to do with her now?"

"When did you grow a conscience?" I asked, smirking.

"I stole yours, I like taking things from you," he said flatly.

"Ha. Good one." At least he wasn't as low as he'd been, and he sounded sober, which was a good thing. The guy would guzzle down whisky like it was going out of fashion, even if it couldn't make him drunk it still gave him something. But, with the amount he'd chug back I wasn't surprised, not even a wolf could stay unaffected after two bottles of hard stuff.

"I might stay there over Christmas," he said after a moments silence.

I gritted my teeth. "If that's what you need to do, then by all means."

He chuckled. "Don't act like it's a problem, I'm sure you'll appreciate celebrating the jolly season without me there to potentially fucking it up."

"Your mom and dad will be here," I shot back. If he needed to spend time with his broken imprint I understood, but I knew that in spite of everything, family was family, and we wanted him here. Of course, I couldn't tell him that. Not yet. I was still pissed with him, which was weird. I didn't stay mad with people for that long. Yeah, people. Eddie was the exception, I'd hate him 'til I died.

"I'll see," he offered.

"I'll come with you." What?

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." What the fuck?

He went silent, and so did I. What the hell; had I just told him I'd fly to New York with him to see his vegetable girlfriend? Okay, I was suffering from the lack of blood in my brain—not right this moment! Jeez, I was talking to my brother, fuck!

"I guess that's fine," he said finally, seemingly in shock still.

"When are you leaving?" Oh come on, I wasn't seriously gonna do this was I? What about Bells! I winced.

"Azap," he said but it sounded more like a question.

"Give me a couple of hours, I need to clean up my mess." Groan. Why did I start pulling all those boxes out? Oh, legends and spirits, right. It'd have to wait.

"All right." He still sounded dazed when he hung up, like he wasn't sure if he'd heard me. Hell, _I_ wasn't sure I'd heard me. I walked back into the garage and started gathering all the junk and shoving it back haphazardly into the boxes, all the while feeling their stares boring holes into the back of my head.

"Are you okay?" Embry asked finally.

"Just go whack off or something, jeez. What about Bella?"

Huh? I spun on them, staring in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"The big apple, lots of chicks, sexual frustration... I'm not a genius but that's a given-" Embry's words cut off when my jaw dropped.

I gathered enough sanity to say a few words. "Gonna pretend I didn't hear that."

"Why you goin' then?" Quil asked.

"To make sure Jonathan doesn't lose it."

Embry wasn't convinced. "Since when did you care?"

"He's got my wolf," I shot back, getting irritated. At least that was as good an excuse as any, while I figured out the real reason why I felt I just had to go with him. But hell, how could they think that one week without sex would drive me into the arms of a complete stranger, didn't they know me at all? Made me wanna flog them into oblivion.

Quil shrugged. "Your call, man," he said and grabbed a box to put it away.

"Bella's not gonna be happy," Embry pointed out. "All lonely and stuff in that big, bad hospital... Maybe I'll pay her a visit or two."

"You're dead," Quil managed to say before I shoved him to the side, the box tumbling to the ground with a loud bang. I had Embry by the shirt, shoving him out of the garage.

"Did your mom drop you on your head when you were a kid or what the fuck is your problem, Emb?" I was shaking, that's how pissed I was. Seeing red didn't even begin to explain it.

"Just sayin' that you shouldn't leave Bella alone," he choked back, eying my tremors.

"Jake, calm down." Quil took a step toward me.

"Don't start," I hissed at him, then to Embry, "Now, you were saying?"

"I hate hospitals, they smell bad, and the food sucks. Definitely not going there."

I shoved him away. "That's what I thought."

"Can I go?" Quil asked then, but when I shot him a withering look he held his hands up, laughing. "Okay, okay, okay—joking, relax." I turned and got back to shoving the last box away when Quil yelped, "Found it!"

Before I left for Port Angeles I stopped in to explain to Bella that I'd be gone a few days. She was surprisingly understanding about it, she didn't even get upset, which kinda bugged me. At least I would've expected a little pout, something, anything. By the time I was on the plane with Jonathan it hit me that she was just happy that I'd offered to go with him, she was still hoping that me and him would get to know each other better so we could start acting more like brothers instead of enemies. Didn't see how that was going to happen, but I guess me being there was a start, right?

Jonathan was being uncharacteristically quiet, which I didn't know how to deal with. It was hard enough sitting next to him trying to figure out what I was doing there.

"I always knew there was something not right with her," he said finally, and I nearly jumped out of my seat.

"Now he talks," I muttered, shifting in the small confines space. "Fuck, I hate flying."

He was in a zone, and he continued, "All this time she's been on meds, and I didn't even know."

I turned and looked at him now. "Meds?"

"Some Bipolar thing, I've heard of it but..." he went quiet again.

"So she's schizo?" I'd heard of it. Another thing I'd picked up from having spent years in Leah's company. Reality-TV wasn't her only thing, she was also into the documentaries—the whole shebang. I remember watching a show with her about this family where the mother was Bipolar, the daughter had ADD and the son Asperger. What a fucking mess. I walked away half way into the show because it was too much. I can't say I envied the dad, but damn he was one solid man, you'd have to be to deal with it.

"I guess that's one way to see it," he said, breaking the silence again. "The doctor said something about going from extreme highs to extreme lows, some get overly tired, others can't seem to slow down. I think Soph fits the hyper part—now when I think about it, she never slept well."

I had no idea what to say, what do you say though? Sorry that your girlfriend is crazy? That didn't sound right, she wasn't crazy, she was just—sick. Or was she? Bipolar wasn't a sickness, it was a chemical imbalance in the brain, did that count as sick?

"Must be a bitch to deal with," I mumbled, more to myself than him.

"For her."

"Yeah."

"She hadn't taken her meds," he said quietly. "That's why she did it."

I couldn't help it. I felt really bad for him, bad for her, for the wolf. Would she come out of the coma? How would that feel like? You go jumping, thinking that it's the end, then when you wake up you have to deal with all the people who question why your life sucked so bad you wanted end it. Sure, I'd been there, but I hadn't been so low that I'd actually wanted to do myself in. Wanting to die and killing yourself were two completely different matters.

"How badly hurt is she?" I just wanted to know, the question just jumped out of my mouth.

He sighed and rubbed his face. "They don't think she'll ever wake up again." He said it slowly, like each word was a heavy weight needing every ounce of strength to be pushed out.

"Why are you going then? Maybe she's not even really there..." I didn't continue, somehow I knew she was still there. This connection was getting the better of me, now I was finding myself hoping she'd pull through. I dropped my face in my hands.

"Can I talk to you without you biting my head off?" I leaned back and gave him a suspicious glance.

"Depends on what you wanna talk about. Remember, we're on a plane and there are eyewitnesses." I smirked when he rolled his eyes.

"It's about-" he stopped himself, eying me, like he was deciding whether to continue or not. "The kiss," he continued and I tensed up. "Hear me out."

"Don't have much choice, do I," I bit out.

His face was serious. "No you don't, and neither did I." I cocked an eyebrow. "I mean, she's a great girl, and I do—have feelings for her—wait!" I gripped the seat, hoping I wouldn't break anything. "I think he's leaving me," he finished quickly.

"What did you just say?"

"Or he has already."

"What!"

"I'm confused, or he's confused—shit, I don't know. I've never felt so insane in my life, and that's saying something, because Soph has had ample opportunity to drive me over the edge."

"Maybe they're Bipolar, too," I blurted before I could stop it, then I busted out laughing. Jonathan looked at me first, like I was insane, but I guess he realized he was, too. Soon we were both sitting there laughing. A flight-attendant came up to us.

"Can I get you anything?"

I wiped a tear, taking a deep breath. "Some water would be great, miss," I said shakily.

She gave me a bright smile. "Oh you can call me Amber. How about your brother?"

"That obvious, huh?" I asked and she gave me a nod, eying Jonathan. When I glanced at him I groaned, rolling my eyes. He was on his way to see his girlfriend who was in a coma, yet he was checking out the woman next to us. Jeez. His wolf _was_ confused. Or wait, _my_wolf. _Dammit_.

"I'll have some water, too, thanks, Amber." He winked at her and I smacked my forehead. "Jealous?" he asked.

"No," I said then realized she was still standing there. "No offense, but I'm engaged." I gave her an apologetic smile.

"Oh, but if you weren't you'd be interested?" She gave me a suggestive smile. Holy shit, her intentions might as well have been stamped on her forehead. She leaned over my seat, her hip brushing against my arm as she asked the man behind me if she could steal his napkin. My body was being completely out of control lately and her subtle nudge shot through me like electricity.

_Chair, table—_fuck, didn't need those images. _Kittens. Poodles. Ducks!_

"If you guys find yourselves bored later, it's my night off and I'll be at this Club-" she handed me the napkin and I gazed at it distractedly, trying to ignore the warm scent coming off her, and the lack of blood in my brain didn't make my eye-focus all that good. "With my best friend Stacy," she continued. "My number's there too, in case you can't find us," she finished and turned to walk away.

Jonathan was sniggering next to me. "Gotta love the girls from the big apple," he said, his tone dripping with longing and awe. All I could focus on was to recite as many different animal-species that I could come up with. I should have paid more attention to my studies. Goddammit!

"Want me to show you around?" he asked, smirking.

"I'm good," I replied in a low voice. Deep breath. In. Out. Breathe.

"Here we go," came Amber's voice as she folded down the little table and placed a plastic mug on it, filling it with water. When she went to lean across me and her legs rubbed up against mine I stiffened.

"I'll take that," Jonathan said and took the mug off her and the bottle, filling it himself before handing it back, giving her a smooth grin.

"Let me know if there's anything else I can get you," she said sweetly before walking off again.

"So, you're staying at the hotel tonight I take it?" Jonathan asked again, his tone amused. I gave him a curt nod, and he shrugged, taking a sip of his water.

"How can you even think about other women when Soph's in a coma?"

"We're not planning on tying the knot, I'm a free man," he replied casually which made me turn and look at him.

"Free man?" I repeated questioningly.

"Yeah."

"But, she's your..."

"I told you." He rolled his eyes because I obviously wasn't following. "Something isn't right. Not only the fact that I couldn't keep my hands off Bella, but I don't feel that pull toward Soph anymore." He had lowered his voice to a whisper.

My brain was going a million miles an hour. "When did it stop?" I asked quietly.

"Haven't felt it since I woke up on Billy's couch, the morning after Bella's accident." Did he leave him instantly when—damn. Where was he now then? "Like I said, either he's confused, or he's not here anymore. I feel something, but it's not the same."

"You've been a mess," I pointed out.

He sighed. "I care about Soph, and after what she said to me, spending all that time thinking it was my fault she did it—it's bound to make anyone depressed."

"What did she say—never mind, it's none of my business." I leaned back against the seat again, closing my eyes. What happened when the imprint died? Did the wolf just go back where he came from, or what? No. He had to be around somewhere, I felt him, and I felt his pain. Still.

"She said she was fucked up; she couldn't change, and that she didn't think it was fair that I had to love her if I didn't want to, so she wanted to rid me of the pain. She loved me too much to see me like that."

I flinched.

Again he sounded like he had for the past week; broken, guilty.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say. Stupid, and really; why do people say sorry? Guess it's just the first thing that comes to mind. Sorry he had to go through it. Sorry life can be fucked up sometimes.

"The way I begged her made her even more adamant. She got angry, too, yelling at me that I would never beg. It's true, I don't really beg. Not like that. It's all I could do, though, like a compulsion. God, she was so upset. I'd never heard her that upset. We've had a lot of arguments, but never like that." He was shaking his head.

"You can't help who you love," I offered, which made him give me a strange look, then he smiled a little.

"That's true." I looked at him then, the words sinking in. Then everything just clicked. I know that's really stupid, and so fucking cliche it ain't even funny, but it did. Somewhere along the line he'd fallen for my girl, and it's not like I could blame him. With everything that had happened, ultimately I'd pushed it on him. My wolf. He'd brought everything I felt for Bella to Jonathan, and regardless of the imprint the wolf had known that the bond between me and Bella couldn't be broken, not even by the imprint. It had probably made him see that you fight for what you believe in, for what you want. Love isn't something that just hits you at first sight, it grows and becomes stronger and stronger. It challenges you, and you put it to the test.

The wolf had started his own fight, wanting to break free of the fucked up path he'd been put on. The crazy son of a bitch must have gained a bit of my pride, because that shit was something I would pull. No one told me who to love, dammit! And Jonathan who'd had a thing for my Bells had felt the pull toward her, and the wolf had put the fighting-technique to the test. If you could flog a spirit I'd do it, if I could find him. So, somewhere along the line Jonathan had begun to fight too, trying to steal my woman. I should get a damn patent on it before I had to fight off the whole res. I needed my wolf back, before he went elsewhere to reveal my secret.

"So, you're in love with Bella." It wasn't a question, but he shrugged and answered me anyway.

"As you said, you can't help who you love. She's one hell of a woman."

"She is. But just so you don't forget, she'll never choose you."

He laughed. "Don't I know it."

"Good. Because I'm not offering another chance. I'm not asking you to stay away from her. Not even gonna tell you or threaten you." He knew. I wouldn't forgive him. But I had a feeling that he wouldn't try again. He loved flirting too much, and you kinda needed to be alive for that.

"I still think you should come out with me. I'll keep you in line," he said and winked.

"Ha. My body is my own, and my hands don't stray."

He rolled his eyes again. "Tell me that again later, you _are_ coming out with me."

"Nope."

"Afraid of temptation?"

"I know where I stand, and I don't need to prove myself to anyone."

"I think you're an arrogant little shit."

"Rather arrogant than a man-whore."

"Touche."

He would have kept that up for another hour or two, I could see it on his face. He loved a challenge, and if it came in the form of trying to get me to go to a nightclub with him then he'd take it. Thankfully the plane was going in for its descent and before long we were on the ground, moving through the isle.

"Hope you enjoyed your flight, boys. I'll see you later." Amber winked at us as we passed her at the exit.

"Looking forward to it," Jonathan replied smoothly making me groan. At least our conversation and the switch of subject had put my thoughts going in a different direction, and I was damn glad about that. I offered her a polite nod and moved through the exit.

"Damn, girl, they're _hot_."

"I'll find out just _how hot_, don't you worry about that. Taken men are so yummy. You should've seen his reaction when I nudged him."

"You're bad."

"They love it."

Jonathan gave out a low chuckle. "Gotta love this improved hearing."

"I'm hating it just about now," I muttered under my breath.

By the time we got to the hotel I was dying for a shower, a cold one. I could hear Jonathan laughing at me while I was in the bathroom getting cold water over me. When I got out he gave me a smug smile and went into the bathroom himself where he took way too much time to be normal. Guess he was already planning ahead for his night on the town. I thought he could've waited until after we'd been to visit Sophia.

Being to Forks hospital was bad enough, but this was hell. There were so many people and so many different smells that once we were in Sophia's room I had to sit down. Didn't need much help with that though, because my legs turned into spaghetti the moment I laid eyes on her.

That's when I knew where my wolf had gone.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," I said through my gritted teeth. How had I not noticed? What the hell was the deal with this wolf? He just sneaked back? I groaned and forced myself to walk, not stumble like a weakling, over to Sophia's bed. So this is why I had insisted on coming here.

_You traitorous little sadist,_ I growled inwardly. Masochist maybe?

Jonathan was at her side instantly too, grabbing her hand.

"Christ Soph, what did you do," he whispered angrily, but I could see that this was hurting him. Just as much as it was hurting me. It made me feel better.

_Well, buddy, I said I would take you back no matter what. But don't you fuck with me._

I could do this. He was just as helpless against this as I was, and if I could fight it, so could he. But first I'd show some respect. Instead of high-tailing it out of there I pulled up a chair and sat down on the opposite side of Jonathan and I took her other hand. Holy fuck she was warm.

"Hey, Sophia." Warmth aside I could feel how weak she was, she was barely here. The more I just allowed myself to feel whatever this imprint-bond was the more I could tell how far gone she was. No wonder I'd been walking around feeling pain. At least I understood where it came from now.

"She's not gonna pull through," Jonathan said and it made us flinch. All of us. Me, him, the wolf. No matter what Jonathan and Sophia had gone through, and no matter how fucked up their relationship had been he cared for her, a lot. This was hurting him. The whole room was one big cesspool of pain. Can't say I'd ever experienced anything like it before. It was tearing at my flesh and cutting into my bones.

_Can't say I missed this, you ass._

We didn't say anything for a long time. I held her hand, and Jonathan did too. All the while I tried to not sink too deeply into the semi-truck-load of emotions that surrounded me. Instead I thought of Bella, her beautiful face, her soft lips, the smell of her hair, the feel of her body against mine. It soothed me. It soothed the both of us.

_You're catching on quick._

I thought I felt an immense sense of calm come over me, and relief, like he was breathing out and letting go. He was _glad_ to be back. To share my thoughts, my love for Bella, the way I fought for her as I fought against Sophia. He was relieved to have someone fighting with him. This was right, he was mine and we _were_ _one_.

"They can't keep her like this, she'll never come out of it. Can they do that to her?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Surely you can tell that she's not really here."

"She is, but she's fading," I said weakly, shuddering. It was as if she'd been waiting for him to come here, holding on that little bit longer. Somewhere in there she was fighting.

"Soph," he said and leaned closer, stroking her face which was covered in fading bruises and cuts, a bandage was still wrapped around her head. Her whole body was broken, useless, it would never be right again. Jonathan was struggling with himself and I could tell how much he cared for her. Everything they'd been through had left deep scars though, and it was difficult for him to see past it all. He was trying. She could still hear him, I knew it. I squeezed her hand gently.

"Want me to give you some privacy?"

He shook his head. "It's fine," he said tightly. "I just wish I could tell her a few things, that's all, but I don't know how to. Can she even hear me?"

"I bet she can."

Jonathan met my eyes and his widened. He had been too preoccupied to even realize what had happened to me, which made me even more sure about how deeply he really felt about Sophia, no matter how much he fought it and didn't want to.

"He returned to you," he said, and the moment he said it he realized himself that he still loved Sophia. I saw it register as I continued to keep eye contact with him. You truly can't help who you love.

"Maybe I'll give you that privacy," I said and stood up to lean over Sophia, watching her face. Then I lowered my lips to her forehead gently. "He's all yours, so whatever he says it's all him."

The machine that was buzzing in the corner, monitoring her weak heartbeats, gave out a beep as it spiked, indicating to Jonathan that I was definitely speaking the truth. She heard us.

"I'll be outside." Reluctantly and with great fucking effort I might add I let her hand go and walked out of the room. If I was right about more things then I was sure that I wouldn't be walking into that room again, but walking _out_ of this hospital might become an issue.

_Don't you fall apart on me now,_ I told him, having a feeling that Sophia would let go the moment Jonathan forgave her, which I was pretty damn confident of that he would. What else would she hold on to?

I sat down on a chair close to the entrance to the ward and just waited. Waited for the pain. Waited for whatever it would feel like when your imprint died. I'd experienced many things, even the death of a parent, but I'd been so young that I couldn't remember what it was like. A strange emotion entered me, spreading darkness through my whole conscious. I had no power, nothing I could say or do would change fate. The world was out of my reach, and everything in it. My heart was heavy in my chest, yet it felt like it would run itself into the ground as it started racing. Was this despair? I had never really felt helpless before, I'd always found a way around any emotion that dragged me down. Even when I'd been pulled away from Bella, away from the shadows where we'd shared what I'd thought would be our last dance, I hadn't felt like this. Nothing could compare to what I was sinking into now, and no matter how scared it made me I knew that I would get through it. I kept focusing on that. That and the fact that my wolf wouldn't go through this alone. We were both fighting it, even if it was draining me of everything I had. All I could hold onto when my vision started blurring was Bella. She was my everything, and I'd pull through this, for her. Some small amount of comfort was provided by that. Small, because against the massive darkness there was no remedy.

I heard Jonathan's voice somewhere far away, he stopped me from crashing to the floor.

"Jacob, hang in there. I'm gonna try get you out but you have to help me." His voice was broken, and I tried to focus on his face to get an answer but he was hidden behind the blur. I didn't really need to find the answer there. Sophia was gone. The world was empty.

I heard a stranger's voice. "Is everything all right here?"

"We're fine. He hates hospitals and needs some fresh air," Jonathan answered in his cracked voice.

After what felt like a fucking lifetime but in fact was only a few minutes he had gotten me through the doors and the cold air hit me like a wall. I shuddered.

"I'm gonna hail down a cab, sit here for a sec." I felt something hard and cold under my ass but I didn't care. It was freezing and it didn't really register as uncomfortable, it was just a rational acknowledgment of facts.

"All right, big boy, time to go."

That was fast. Maybe time didn't move right. It didn't move at all. Goddammit.

_Told you not to fall apart on me, asshole._

"I need to talk to Bella," I said, my voice all fucked up.

"Let's get into the cab first." He pulled me off the bench, at least I could tell what it was now, and helped me into the car.

"Get it out of my pocket, I'm feeling like a cripple in a straitjacket." Which was true. Before long he held the phone to my ear and I heard it ringing. When she finally answered I broke down completely. Her voice was like a healing wave that shot through my numb body and I was at the mercy of it.

"Jake? Oh my God, what's wrong!"

"Shh, honey," I managed to choke out. "I'm so fucked up." I was.

"What happened!"

"Sophia's dead." Holy fuck I was bawling big time.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice frantic and confused. "Did something happen to Jon?" I looked at him, but my goddamned wet eyes were in the way.

"He's okay. I'm okay, too, fucked up but also so damn happy to hear your voice, honey, you have no idea." So very true. "Talk to me, Bells, I need to hear you," I pleaded.

"You're scaring me, Jake. I don't understand why you're so upset, is there something you're not telling me?"

"He came back to me, Bells. That's why I'm such a mess. But don't freak out honey, everything's gonna be okay. I promise. You know I'm right." It was dead quiet and I was worried she'd hung up on me.

"I knew it, deep down I knew it," she said finally and I could breathe normally again. As normally as was possible anyway. "I'm so sorry, Jake. I wish you wouldn't have gone, but I understand." She didn't sound sad, or even upset. If I would have realized that the wolf had come back then maybe I wouldn't have come, but in a way I was glad I had. Who else could have told Sophia that Jonathan was himself but me? He probably wouldn't have realized how he really felt, and she could have died tormented and alone. At least she'd been able to let go with some semblance of sanity.

"I didn't even know until we came into her room. She was barely there, Bells. So broken-" I couldn't talk, my throat closed up.

"I knew," she whispered. "I wasn't sure until just now, but I felt him, Jake. When I woke up, when you touched me. God," now _she_ started crying. Fuck we were so messed up. "I didn't know what was happening... and then when Jon touched me, and the kiss-" she sobbed.

"Honey," I begged.

"No, you need to hear this. Holy cow I've been so stupid, I should have known straight away. When you lost him the first time there was something different, and it wasn't until Jon showed up that night in our apartment and we-" a hiccup cut her off, but she pressed on, "kissed, not until then did I realize that something was missing. A part of you was missing, Jake. I didn't know, and it didn't make me love you less, but I could tell and it confused me. I'm so sorry I kissed him, but he touched me just like you. God! I'm such a slut!"

"No, honey. Listen to me, you're nothing short of amazing. You're beautiful, and I love you so much, Bells, don't ever say stupid shit like that. Ever." She'd felt it, too. She'd known, somewhere deep down she'd known, just as I thought and now she realized it. He knew now, too. Knew she loved him and it calmed him, grounded him, soothed his loss. My loss. Bella truly was amazing, not that I'd ever doubted it, but her love for us both was like a breath of fresh air, clearing out the heavy darkness. This is why I knew I'd needed to talk to her, that she would pull me out of it.

"Come home, Jake. I can't stand it that you're there, in pain, and I can't do anything about it." It made me smile. God I loved her.

"You're already helping. Just hearing your voice makes it all better, honey. But don't worry, I'm coming home, I can't stay away for too long, I need you."

"I need you, too, Jake. I love you."

"Love you more," I teased.

I heard her huff. "Get that wolf-ass of yours home so I can smack it."

"Can't promise I'll be hurt, I might like it." I could picture her rolling her eyes at me.

"You're dirty-minded," she accused.

"You like it."

"You're deprived."

I lowered my voice. "Starving, honey." Her soft gasp made me smile wider.

"Get your ass here, now," she growled. I started laughing.

"Growling isn't your thing, Bells, but it's cute, I'll give you that."

"Shut up, smug bastard."

"We're at the hotel now, I'll talk to you soon."

"You better."

"Love you."

"I know." She hung up.

Many people would go to New York for many different reasons, mine had been unknown. I'd come here thinking I would just be moral support to a brother I didn't really know. Instead he'd ended up being mine, and he'd done a far better job at it than I probably would have and he'd shown more understanding than I had given him credit for.

While he wanted to stay for a few days I knew that I had to get back to La Push, back to Bella. In truth I don't think Jonathan would've wanted anyone around anyway. He was a loner, it's what he was used to, although he promised that he'd be back in time for Christmas.

I spent a couple of hours with him at the hotel while he told me about some of the more happier memories he had of Sophia. He also told me that even if he'd come to the realization that he still loved her he knew that he would never have been able to be with her again, even if she'd been okay, if she'd lived. Sometimes, no matter how much you want it and how hard you try, love just isn't enough. Sometimes there's just too much water under the bridge. The best you can do at times like those is to let go, because it wouldn't be fair on either parts to keep fighting.

It was lunchtime, about 24 hours since I'd left for New York, when I walked into the hospital in Forks and even though I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally nothing could've held me back. I needed to have her in my arms. So, of course, when I came into her room to find it empty I nearly freaked out. Then a nurse came in and told me that she'd just been discharged and that her dad had been to pick her up. Since we'd gone to the airport in Jonathan's car I'd taken a bus back to Forks so when I got out of the hospital I just ran to the forest, stripped and phased.

The wolf wasn't in the best shape, still sluggish and worn down from everything we'd been through, but the image of Bella spurred him on and soon enough our paws were tearing up the ground beneath us as we went faster and faster.

I came through the trees, bursting into the Clearwaters' front yard just as Charlie's cruiser pulled up. He stopped in his tracks around the car and stared at me. Then the passenger door opened and Bella stepped out, her eyes on me. Next thing I knew she was hopping toward me, all awkward with one arm in a sling, supporting herself on a crutch with the other.

"Jake!"

"Bells, you can't go jumping around, the doctor told you to be careful still—Christ, kid!" Charlie launched himself forward when she lost her footing but I was quicker, catching her so that she fell into my side instead of taking a nose-dive. I barked out a laugh and she snorted at me through her tears.

"Stupid wolf," she chided and threw her good arm around my neck when I turned into her, nuzzling her back with my big head.

"Huh." Charlie muttered and grabbed her bag out of the boot. "Kids," he said gruffly and walked up the stairs to Sue who had come out the door.

Bella was burying her face into my fur, sniffling and wiping her nose. Nice.

"Missed you," she whispered and I knew it was aimed at the both of us. A low growl rumbled in my chest and I pulled away from her, carefully to make sure she wouldn't lose her balance. I snorted at Charlie who was giving me a dirty look. Just because he knew what I was didn't mean he liked seeing it. He turned and walked inside, Sue followed but she gave me a smile before she closed the door.

I backed up a fair few feet before I phased back, pulling my clothes back on as fast as I could before closing the distance to gather her into my arms carefully.

"Damn I missed you, honey," I whispered and buried my face in her hair, inhaling deeply. Her good arm came around my waist and I gave out a contented sigh when I felt her body pressing against mine.

"I can't breathe properly without you, Jake. At first I just thought it was because I was messed up, but now I know it's just because we're two pieces, cut from the same puzzle." A growl rumbled in my chest. "Okay, okay," she paused, "Three pieces," she corrected.

"You're a silly woman, Bells," I teased.

"I don't care, as long as I have you."

"You do. It's you and me, always." I tightened my arms around her, trying not to hurt her.

"I think that I've learned something from all of this," she mumbled into my chest and I pulled my head back so I could look at her face. Now I noticed that she had a scar running across her temple, up over the arch of her brow. I winced and pressed my lips against it. "Jake! That's gross."

"Nope. It's you," I said firmly and feathered kisses over it, making her tremble.

"Feels good, though," she muttered.

I chuckled. "So, what have you learned then, honey?"

"Oh, right." She tilted her head to look up at me. "I've learned that I'm supposed to be a danger-magnet, because my head is so damn thick that it's the only way I'll learn." Her face was open and sincere and she said it with such conviction that she made a believer out of me, no matter how crazy it sounded, still I wondered how she'd come to that conclusion.

"How do you figure that?" I asked.

"Well, I guess I didn't learn much when I nearly became vamp-food in Phoenix," she said, making me flinch. "But maybe it was because I didn't hit my head, which I did when I fell off the bike, remember?"

"Oh yeah, let's see... 'did you know, you're sort of beautiful', right?" She smacked my chest with her good hand. "So you're finally pleading insanity?"

"Jake," she complained. "I'm trying to make a point here."

I grinned. "Okay, sorry, honey."

"You _are_ beautiful, Jake," she said, looking serious but I rolled my eyes at her.

"Now I _know_ you hit your head, _hard_."

"At least now I have a decent scar as proof, unlike when Edward insisted on that I needed to be taken to the hospital after that van nearly took me out."

"He came to see you," I said quickly, watching her face.

"What?" She nearly cringed back.

"While you were still out of it."

Her eyes narrowed. "Did you two argue?"

"Nah. He was just checking to see if you were okay, and that it wasn't me who'd put you in there." This made her burst into a fit of laughter. I raised an eyebrow.

"It's kinda funny," she said, chortling. "He was always freaking out that he'd hurt me, or that you'd hurt me, but at the end of the day it's always been me who's caused it." Tears sprung to her eyes and her whole body shook.

"Calm down, honey, you'll bust your stitches."

"Third... time's a... charm," she managed between fits.

"What are you talking about," I asked, bewildered.

"Third time I hit my head and finally I've really gone insane." She wiped her tears but she was still giggling.

"You're not insane," I told her. "You're just tired, and maybe a little weird."

"That's nothing new, I've never been normal."

"Probably why I love you so much." I leaned in, kissing her cheek softly.

She rolled her eyes. "You're dumb."

"Maybe, but you love me anyway. Now will you be quiet so I can kiss you, I'm dying here, honey." I didn't wait for her to stop her laughing fit, instead I captured her soft face in my hands and crushed my lips against hers. A whimper tore from her throat and she melted into me. Her mouth was warm and welcoming. I was home.


	12. Epilogue

**~* Epilogue *~**

_**Jacob...**_

"Nice," Embry said while plopping himself down on the ratty old couch next to Bella. "You've done well for yourself, how much did you pay for this piece of shit?"

"Before the night is over I'm gonna regret us inviting yet another space-heater," Bella muttered and eyed Embry who just grinned. I shrugged and walked through the glass-doors to the grill where Quil and Seth stood, taking turns flipping steaks.

"They better be here soon," Quil whispered to me and handed over the tongs.

"Food's almost ready and people are gonna want to dig in," Seth added quietly, his stomach rumbling and I cocked an eyebrow.

"People? The actual _humans_ can wait longer than you can," I reminded him with a smirk. He mumbled under his breath unintelligibly.

It was Christmas Day and out of all places to celebrate it we'd opted for a night in our freezing home. While the inner walls were done there still was no heating system, but the place was full of wolves and we did have some _actual_ space-heaters, running off a generator I'd brought here earlier in the week. Renee and Phil were on their way and so was Jonathan. He had ended up coming back very quickly from New York, finishing off the walls, but as soon as he'd been finished he'd returned to the big apple and he'd been all secretive about it. He'd told me though that he had a surprise for me that would knock my socks off. It didn't make me very comfortable. What Jonathan considered as sock-knocking-worthy and what I valued were two completely different things.

The first days after having returned home from New York I'd tried to figure out what had actually happened to my wolf, and now I'm not talking about the one that had made those couple of months of my life a living hell, no, I'm talking about the one who obviously must've gotten kicked to the curb while Mr. Alpha decided to come back. Well, I wasn't left to wonder long, because when Jonathan returned from New York and joined me to show him the ropes and our patrol-routes I recognized his wolf. As we'd gotten talking about it we'd figured that sometime during the night of Bella's accident the switch must've taken place, because what Jonathan explained of the strange dreams he'd had while being passed out I could only figure that it had been too much for the big guy to handle, and he'd left. Jonathan's subconscious wasn't a nice place to be when you were branded with Sophia on the essence of your very existence. One would wonder why the hell he left me to begin with, shouldn't spirits _feel_ these things? One with nature and all that? Maybe that had been the whole problem, though. Jonathan hadn't grown up on Quileute-lands, and while he was a quick learner I'd noticed straight away how aloof he was. I'd never seen a wolf run into a tree until then, but Jonathan's inability to connect properly with his wolf caused for all manner of laugh-athons while me and the rest of the pack looked on. So much for genetic perfection, even nature fucked up. But I should've known that already; vampires existed.

Another interesting thing happened, actually the same day Jonathan ran into the tree. Sam joined us, and all of a sudden we received this massive info-dump and how he wanted to give up his wolf because he wanted to fully get stuck into building a life for him, Emily and their kid. He told us that he'd taken a loan and bought the local gas-station, but not only that, he was opening up a garage for simple repairs so the people on the res wouldn't have to go up to Forks all the time. Not that it was a long trip, but I'd thought it was actually a great idea. He even asked me if I wanted to work for him, and I told him that I'd gladly reconsider it the moment I was done with my studies. I had to go up to Port Angeles anyway on a daily basis and Bella still had her job at Peninsula College. The most interesting part about it though was how he just dumped the whole pack on my lap, basically forcing me to take on the Alpha-position. Of course Bella had been really supportive about it, walking around calling me _Chief Jacob_ all the time. Guess the old joke stuck with her, and she said she'd always believed I'd make a great leader. Yeah right. After the whole wolf-switching drama I wasn't so sure I was stable enough, but so far so good. It was strange having them all swarming me though, especially the younger ones, I never got a moments peace. At least I knew that once winter had passed I'd have loads of able hands to get the house finished.

"Jake!" Bella complained and grabbed the tongs from me. "You're burning them!" I blinked, huh? Oh crap. I gave her a sheepish grin, wrapping my arms around her instead as she took over.

"My hands prefer this distraction," I whispered into her neck, nipping at the skin there.

"If it wasn't for this stupid cast I'd slap you," she said, her voice slightly uneven which made me smile.

"Don't hurt yourself, honey." I dodged when she waved the tongs at me. "Crazy woman, you really did hit your head good this time, didn't you, Bells?"

Her eyebrow quirked. "Just you wait, Jacob Black, and I'll show you crazy."

I flashed her my best smile. "Is that a promise?"

"Ugh!"

I ducked again, laughing, and walked back inside, into what would be our future living room. We'd managed to round up a few old sofas, some chairs and tables; enough for everyone to fit on. Maria was setting out the disposable plates and mugs while my dad was cutting some freshly baked bread that Sue had brought. Charlie was meeting Renee and Phil and hopefully they'd be here soon. Quil, Embry and Seth were outside while Sam kept his little brat occupied with a bottle. That really was a sight for sore eyes, who would have really been able to imagine this vision a few years back. Not too difficult, but with everything that had been building up we'd thought that we'd have to deal with a whole lot of drama in the aftermath of Bella joining the Cullens. Luckily it hadn't turned out that way, who knew what we'd be dealing with now, or where we'd be doing the dealing.

Jared walked inside, Paul and Rachael filing in after him.

"Guys, you're not gonna believe this-"

"Shut up, it's my news to tell," Paul interrupted Jared who grunted then shrugged, sliding onto a chair and crossing his arms expectantly.

"Hey, Rach, glad you decided to come over," I walked up to her, holding my arms out in an invitation. She rolled her eyes but gave me a grin and allowed me to give her a hug.

"I have a surprise for you outside," she whispered and tugged on my sleeve and I watched Paul suspiciously. She huffed. "He's got different news, never mind that for now," she said and pulled me along. Yeah, when Rachel asked you something you just did; not even as a wolf would you escape her claws when she decided to let them out.

An unfamiliar car was parked up ahead and the moment I came outside the door opened, a figure coming toward me, running. Who was-

"Becca?" I asked, my feet having stopped. She just launched herself at me, which shocked me even more. I hadn't seen her for years and years and she'd never really shown much emotion, I guess neither of the Black-women were good at that, unless they had a frying pan in their hand, and I'm not talking about using it to cook. I guessed they had earned that right.

"Jacob!" She pulled back instantly. "You're like the hulk, I swear to God, what are they feeding you here? GE veggies are really bad for you," she said with a smirk.

I grimaced. "You really think I eat greens unless I'm force-fed?"

"Huh. Never had you pegged for a gym-junkie, but I guess whatever floats your boat, right?" She poked my stomach playfully, her eyes widening slightly. "Okay. I'm not even gonna ask." Her eyes met mine as her smile faded slightly. "Dad called me, had a lot of stuff to get off his chest, apparently. But what I'm really here for is to meet the lucky girl." The corners of her mouth lifted slightly at the end of her stiffly spoken sentence. "How come you never write, kid... jeez, you're not a kid anymore." The short bob bounced around her head when she shook her head, still eying me with a skeptic expression on her face.

"Where's the family?" I glanced over toward the car.

"They're at home, I wanted to come alone. As much as I'd like to deal with the skellies in our closet I'm not ready for it yet, but I'll have a peek." She winked.

"Okay," I said, then swept her up, causing a shrill squeal to cut through the night.

"Jacob Black! Put me down!"

"Not a chance, you said you wanted to meet the lucky girl, well, she's inside and I know you. You'll run for the hills again at the first opportunity you get." Behind me Rachael was laughing. The moment we got inside my dad locked eyes with mine then they drifted to the flailing woman in my arms.

"Rebecca?"

"Billy," she said evenly then her eyes flitted to Maria who had been fuzzing with one of the hams. Yeah, we definitely needed more than just one at a gathering of this size. Not only in quantity but in actual bulk. They gave each other a polite nod, Maria's slightly more friendly than Rebecca's.

"Long time no see," she said, looking at dad again and I decided to put her down.

"Looking good, kid," he said gruffly and I could tell this was hard for him. Of course Rebecca could never know what had really happened, while Rachael was all in on the secret, and actually had managed to forgive him.

"You look... good, too," she said stiffly, but then she sighed and walked over to him and gave him a hug. It was as stiff as everything else about her, but at least it was a start. Dad wasn't being awkward at all and he caught her off guard when he gave her a tight squeeze.

"Glad you stopped by..." He was getting too emotional. This whole thing was making _me_getting a case of misty-eye.

"Bells, come over here." I found her watching my dad and Rebecca, her eyes tearing up. "Aw, honey, not you too," I muttered brusquely and walked over to her, folding her into my arm. "We're supposed to be done with the tears." I wiped the wetness from the corner of her eye with my thumb.

"First Paul tells us that Rachael is pregnant, then your other sister comes here... this is all too much," she blubbered. I shot a glance at Rachael who stuck her tongue out at me.

"Nice, Rach, thanks for telling me," I muttered. Soon the res would be overrun by a new generation, which made my eyes wander back to Bella who was still wiping at her tears. She met my gaze then her eyes widened when she noticed my dumb grin.

"Now just you slow down, Jacob," she began and I busted out laughing while she gaped at me, her small hand swatting at my chest.

"Sorry, honey, couldn't resist." A few other chuckles could be heard around the room.

"Oh, honey, I'm home!" Jonathan's voice was hard to not recognize and both me and Bella looked toward the door simultaneously. "I smell family-drama and good food, and I brought my very own scrumptious addition-" he cut off and leaned back out the door, speaking to someone. Then a very familiar looking woman entered through the door and when it dawned on me who it was my jaw dropped. "Dessert!" Jonathan announced and she kicked his leg, walking toward me and Bella with a big box in her arms.

"Forgive the douche, he got electrocuted by my vibrator this morning." She wore a satisfied smirk. I nearly choked on my tongue and I could hear Bella's mouth pop. I'm sure a few other jaws hit the floor but Embry's and Paul's distinct laughter soon drowned out anything else.

"Amber," I choked out, staring in disbelief at the she-devil flight-attendant.

"Aw, how cute, you remember my name. Bet I made an impression," she said smoothly and winked at me which caused Bella's fingers to dig into my arm. It didn't hurt but I flinched from being taken off guard. "Here's for the hostess, picked it up from a bakery in Port Angeles yesterday." She offered Bella a sweet smile and I could feel her spine stiffen before she led Amber over to a table where she could put down the gift. My eyes darted straight to Jonathan who wore the most smug smirk I'd even seen on him. Quickly I strode across the floor, grabbing him and shoving him outside.

"What the _hell_ is she doing here?" I hissed under my breath.

"I thought this was a family-thing," he said, genuinely confused and my eyes narrowed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"She's my girlfriend," he said and flashed me a wry smile. I blinked.

"The one who thinks _taken men are yummy_?" I forced out through my teeth. "Trust you to bring the extra seasoning... I wanted this to be a nice family gathering, not a private stage to show off your conquests." He protested, his hands coming up.

"Now hold on," he started. "Jokes aside, I actually like this girl. She _totally_ gets me." The way he said it didn't convince me, but I didn't have much choice but to give him the benefit of the doubt, again. How true wasn't that, I realized, as I saw Charlie's cruiser pull up. Renee was the first to jump out of the car, while Phil was a bit slower.

"Where's my baby girl," she sang out then her eyes came to rest on me and Jonathan with our heads bent together. "Oh, wait, you must be—_Oh!_" She changed her course and came trotting toward me. Was this woman really related to my Bells?

"Hey," I said before she reached us. "Ms-"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous." She waved her hand, scoffing. "Call me Renee," then she gestured for me wildly to give her a hug and I obliged, if maybe a bit awkwardly. "Oh my," she said in a wondrous tone. "A bit bigger than the last one," she crooned. Jonathan coughed next to me and I actually felt my cheeks heat slightly. I looked to Charlie for help but he just grinned smugly and walked inside. Somehow I couldn't picture the two of them in a relationship.

"Glad you could make it... Renee; welcome to La Push," I said as lightly as I could, nearly managing to hold back on the nervous cough that jumped up my throat as she eyed me.

"Thanks for inviting us, I was so happy when I heard from you, I was just telling Phil how it's been such a long time since I saw my baby." Her voice was warm and open but something about it gave me the impression that by the end of the night I'd be wondering if she knew how to slow down. "And this is, wait-" she thought for a moment, then she held up her finger when Jonathan opened his mouth. "Jacob's brother, Jonathan, right?"

"The one and only," he said and bowed like the show-off he was and took her hand, making a smacking noise without actually kissing it, adding a wink into the mix. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, well," she said, her voice dropping low. "Handsome _and_ well-mannered," she gave out a giggle then gestured toward the door. "Is Bella in there?"

"Yes, ma'am," Jonathan answered, cutting me off. I snapped my mouth shut, my lips pressing into a tight line. Phil followed suit but stopped to shake my hand first, giving me an odd look but smiled genuinely all the same before walking inside. Phil's a nice guy, Bella had told me, yeah, but her mom was proving to be handful, not in a bad way, just—a handful.

"Perky," Jonathan said after they'd disappeared inside and we could hear Renee squealing and Bella's tear-filled voice. I glanced at him.

"There's something seriously wrong with you," I said and sighed.

"As I keep saying, you're just jealous of my manners, and my ability to charm the ladies."

I put my hand over my heart. "Oh no, you got me, what _ever_ will I _do_?"

"Accept that you're a guy,"

"I accept that every morning, kinda hard not to," I replied evenly.

"Um, that's not what I meant, but okay, you're acknowledging that you have a dick, that's a start. Wanna take part in my 5-step program to being at ease with your inner asshole? You've just completed step 1, so I'd say you're definitely a candidate."

I groaned. "I'm perfectly at ease with it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't seem like it, I still remember how Amber made you freak out. I even had a peek at your inner monologue that day you showed me the patrol-routines, this linked mind thing is kinda cool."

This guy was getting on my nerves. Again.

"What are you getting at?"

"_Poodles. Ducks_," he chanted in a mock tone. I took a deep breath then punched him square in the face. He pranced away from me, turning in a circle, his hand pinching his nose. "_Nuts on a stick!_"

"See, perfectly at ease with being an asshole." I winked at his shocked, yet bleeding face. "Thanks for the crash-course."

"You're catching on," he grunted, the words muffled by his hand.

I slapped his shoulder as he came to stand in front of me. "You bring out the best in me, brother."

If I stayed out here any longer I was afraid that I'd punch him again, and I didn't wanna give him the satisfaction. So I left him there, and walked inside to join the beginning of what would probably be a long evening, and night.

In spite of the slightly unusual venue we'd chosen it turned out to be pretty successful. Even Jonathan managed to stay well behaved. Of course, that would be by his standards. According to my standards he was still an ass, but something told me that it was just a part of who he was. Against my best effort he was growing on me, and I think the rest of us felt the same. Dysfunctional was a word often used to describe families, more often than not, so ours was no different. To all our surprise Rebecca took a liking to him, or maybe we shouldn't have been, because she did have a strange sense of humor. Rachael ignored him most of the time, but Jonathan didn't let it discourage him.

Renee and Charlie got along really well, but I could see him looking slightly uncomfortable around her at times, she was all over the place, but at least she fitted in. Her and Sue even got along, but we'd be lucky if we'd see Renee once a year, she really did hate Forks, and La Push was not much different. It wasn't us, it was just the weather.

"So, who's Amber and why did she seem so happy to see you?" Bella had taken some extra time in the bathroom as usual, but even more so now, trying to get ketchup off her cast that Jonathan had _accidentally_ squirted all over her. It was nearly 3 am but Christmas Day was over and as nice as it had been I was glad to be home with Bella. Again our schedules had been crazy, even with the added help and all. But now she was sliding into bed and I quickly pulled her to my chest, wrapping my arm around her.

"A crazy flight-attendant who loves taken men," I said teasingly, my lips already traveling across cheekbone down to the jaw, following the curve of her throat. She squirmed.

"What?"

I chuckled. "Wolf-senses, remember? Me and Jonathan overheard her talking to a fellow colleague while we exited the plane, she had a thing for brother's, too, I think."

Bella huffed. "Trust Jon to bring her here, at least she didn't seem so bad, apart from a crude sense of humor." I shrugged and continued my exploration of Bella's throat, finding my way up to her ear. She shuddered when I placed a kiss behind it. Her small fingers absentmindedly skimmed up and down my arm, giving me goosebumps.

"What are you thinking?" Her mind was obviously off somewhere and when she didn't answer I propped myself up on my elbow to get a better look at her face. There was a light sheen to them and I realized she was fighting tears. "Bells?" I forced her to look at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispered thickly. "Everything is great," she continued, smiling at my bewildered expression. "I was just thinking about how wrong my life could've been right now."

I hadn't even realized until now that I hadn't been able to breathe properly but when the constriction eased up I drew in a sharp breath then breathed out.

"You scared me, honey, I thought you were hurting, shit." I shook my head when she laughed at me.

"We've had too much drama in our life, Jake, no wonder you're freaking out. You're starting to sound like me," she teased.

"Rather that than me sounding like Jonathan," I muttered, remembering his 5-step program. I scoffed.

"What?"

"Jonathan seems to think I need to get in touch with my inner asshole," I said, laughing. Bella frowned, reaching up to touch my face.

"Jon should've met you when I first came back to Forks, then."

My eyebrows shot up. "You saying I was an asshole?"

"Yup. But one sexy asshole." She quirked an eyebrow suggestively as her fingers dropped to my chest.

"Seriously," I said and rolled over her, supporting myself on my elbows. "You liked that I was an ass?" I let my hands find their way into her hair while she considered that.

"Both yes and no," she said thoughtfully, which made me pause. What? Then it was my turn to frown.

"Honey, the whole time I was fighting myself, wanting to just take you in my arms and tell you how much I loved you, and would always love you, no matter what kind of stupid shit you did. Truth be told, even if you went back to Edward I'd be here waiting. I'm a glutton for punishment, did you know that?" My gaze was now locked with hers and for a long moment I just stared at her, her beautiful, brown eyes, her peaches and cream skin, the pout of her lips.

"How was it possible to be so blind?" Her voice was soft and husky, layered with a tone of awe.

"I'm a guy, it happens," I said, not fully focused to understand what she was talking about.

Her hand smacked my chest. "I was talking about me."

"Oh." I smirked. "You weren't as blind as you were stubborn, honey." I tapped the tip of her nose with my index finger.

She shook her head and I smiled. "No, I really was blind."

"Stubborn."

"You're one to talk," she admonished. "Let me tell you about stubborn. You were so dead set on that I wanted to kiss you, that when I tried to pull you away from me you thought I was trying to get you closer, how's that for stubborn?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Outside the tent," she said softly, her smile making her whole face shine. I tried to think back on that night.

"All I remember is being desperate. I didn't have much time... no, actually, I was out of time but I had nothing left to lose. I'm sorry if I hurt you." I touched her face, I had to. The memory of those feelings, fearing I'd lose her, never see her again, the anger and hatred. I took a deep breath.

"Kiss me," she whispered. "Kiss me, and never stop, Jacob Black."

She'd disarmed me, and I was smiling with my whole face. "You're gonna regret that," I whispered back before capturing her soft lips hungrily. There'd never be anything on this earth that could capture my heart, mind, body or soul the way she did. If anyone knew that, it was me. After having been faced with all possible scenarios that could've taken her away from me, and at times did so, even if momentarily, or for years, there had always been one factor that had remained my true ally. Knowing.

I'd known she loved me.

I'd known she'd wake up one day.

And I'd known that when that day came I'd give in, because I always would be a sucker for Bella Swan—that's right, fucking-Cullen. Until the day she became Bella Black. Then it really would be just tough shit if she tried to get away from me. I wouldn't stop myself from tying her to the bed, besides, I know she'd like it.

See?

Knowing.


End file.
